At the Wolf's Door
by Wynter S. Komen
Summary: A Dauntless woman is carrying a dangerous secret, one that she doesn't even understand herself. Meanwhile, her feelings for Eric and his for her finally meet in the middle in the midst of an uprising by the Factionless. Things are not what they seem, and certain people and factions are not to be trusted. Set before the events of the first film. Rated M for language and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! Long, LONG time, no post. I know. I'm sorry. And then when I DO finally post, it's nothing that you wanted to read...I'm only a little sorry for that :-) To explain my absence, I've been going through a bunch of changes - all positive - for about a month now. I got a new job and moved, and things have been SO HECTIC. I have had almost no time to write. Things are settling down now so I plan to get back to regular posting. I want to thank everyone who's checked on me and continued to leave me reviews. I promise, I promise, I promise - I will be updating Wildwood Flower VERY soon, wrapping up my Peaky Blinders short story and updating my Inception story. Oh yeah, and my TMW/TWD crossover fic. AND, if I get positive feedback from this here short little thang, I may do a Divergent fic also.

Now, about this which you are about to read. I have not read the books YET but I saw the movie. And I became enraptured by the character of Eric and the actor who portrays him, Jai Courtney. I was very inspired to write this little story, a two-parter, me thinks, and I could be persuaded into turning this into a full-length fic if I get enough reviews and feedback. As there doesn't seem to be a Divergent category for the movie, I'm having to post this in the book category, so things are going to be a little off for those of you who follow or prefer book canon. My Eric here is movie-Eric, so he's about 24 years old, not 18. Also, this story is set prior to the events of the film.

Jai has said that the director repeatedly told him to play Eric "dead". Well, I don't think that Eric is very dead. I think that he has, or could have, an interesting character beyond being a brutal training instructor and later, a villain. I wanted to soften him up a little by giving him some romance and to be completely honest, I HAD to write some smut for him. And for me. And for all of you, too. :-) You're welcome.

I didn't intent initially on expanding on this but I really could. Let me know if you like the premise of the Factionless having their own uprising, and if you like Lady J, and if you like my version of Eric. I know I'm opening myself up to major criticism from the very dedicated fan base of the books, so please - be gentle. I'm delicate.

Happy reading, poopies.

**Chapter 1**

_Jayce_

They'd been gone too long.

I could feel worry lines crease my brow as I took the design plate from one of the new initiates getting her first tattoo. She was as green as anything I'd ever seen before, and normally I would have tried to do something nice like give her a pep talk about how she wouldn't be in Dauntless if her aptitude test hadn't shown that she _could _be in Dauntless, but Eric and the group he'd taken with him that morning had been gone for almost eight hours now. Eight hours for a routine run that should have only taken a couple.

They'd gone to check the perimeter to make sure that no one – specifically, the Factionless – had breached it and simultaneously hand out a few rations to them to keep them at bay. Totally normal, a regular chore that happened a few times a week. As the hours stretched on, that sick feeling in my stomach just got sicker.

Of course I was worried for my Dauntless brothers and sisters. We were a fiercely loyal faction, close, a family. But I was especially worried about Eric, even though he probably would have been unbelievably irritated if he'd known that. He was generally an asshole, and had been one since the day I'd met him eight years ago when he'd transferred from Erudite.

And I'd been in love with him ever since.

We'd grown into adulthood laterally but separately. I was Dauntless-born, he was a transfer. When we were sixteen we trained separately. He became a leader, and I became a nurse and a tattoo artist. Our paths rarely crossed, but he was extremely visible in our faction, and in fact was high-ranking based on his skills, his bravery, and his strategic intelligence. He and Four together were two of _the _top leaders within Dauntless, just below Max. They trained every initiate class that came through, and Eric had a rep for striking fear in the hearts of every initiate who crossed his path. He carried himself with the confidence of someone twice his age, and despite his youthful face, his stern countenance and, frankly, large and intimidating build coupled with his tattoos, gauges, and piercings made him seem much older than twenty-four.

And made him unbelievably appealing to every female between the ages of ten and sixty. Probably older, if we had people that old in Dauntless.

At any rate, my being in love with him served absolutely no purpose. I knew that he knew I existed. We interacted occasionally when necessary. I'd even done some touch-ups on his ink. But he was always curt at best, and brusque and snappy the rest of the time. It stung, but I never showed it. That's just the way Eric was, and it was all my fault for picking him of all people to harbor such idiotic feelings for.

But sometimes, like watching him in his element, I got to see what I can only describe as his form of happiness on his face. Training initiates, lecturing them, demonstrating martial arts and conducting weapons training made his face light up in a way. He loved what he did, and I loved watching him while he did it.

I wasn't a trainer, but I got to see a lot of the initiates on a fairly regular basis. There were any number of them in and out of my infirmary every day with various wounds and injuries. Most were treatable, just casualties of the choice they made, but every now and then someone came through with a wound that made them ineligible to be in Dauntless. Which meant that they became Factionless. It was really, really hard to have to tell them that the seriousness of their wound meant that they couldn't go on. The look of fear, and heartbreak, and uncertainty punctuated with the inevitable, "What's going to happen to me _now_?" question always killed me.

When Eric was present for those conversations, he would always say, in his clipped and borderline annoyed tone of voice, "You can't go back to your parents. So that means you're Factionless."

On one occasion, after the initiate had left, he scolded me.

"You're entirely too soft on these kids," he'd said, frowning at me.

"Why? Because I know how to show a little compassion?"

"They don't need compassion. If they wanted compassion they should have stayed in their old factions. You know, sometimes it's hard for me to believe you're Dauntless-born. If I hadn't personally seen you in action when it mattered most, I'd think you don't belong here, either."

"Well, not everyone is a hard-ass like you, Eric," I'd replied, glaring back at him. "You trainers need to be hard, sure. But the rest of us – we might belong to the same faction and have the same responsibilities, but we're individuals too. So excuse the shit out of me for having a heart."

He'd only stared at me levelly. "Whatever you say, Jayce. Listen – just don't make my initiates soft. In fact, if you could just stick to tending to their wounds and delivering whatever news is applicable to them, in a manner devoid of any emotion, that would be great."

Then he'd stormed out of the infirmary.

It wasn't until sometime later after that charming little exchange that, once I'd settled down, I'd realized how close to each other we'd been standing. If we hadn't been fighting, it would have been the perfect proximity for something like, say, a kiss.

_You're an idiot. You should know that about yourself. _

I had what I called a "voice of reason" in my head that loved to point out my shortcomings and periods of moronic possession. Some might say I could be too hard on myself. But, usually, that voice told me exactly what I needed to hear. And thinking of Eric in the setting of being about to kiss me was truly daft. Laughably so.

Still…that didn't change, _couldn't _change, the way I felt, and thinking now that he might really be in trouble was making me almost queasy.

I finished up the initiate's tattoo in an uncharacteristically silent fashion, my mind whirling. Four was here. I planned to track him down, and demand updates. I'm sure he'd be wanting to know why, but that was a bridge I'd crossed when I came to it.

When the initiate had left I stripped off my gloves and went in search of Four. I figured I could find him in the Pit, training his initiates or maybe in the "office" – really more of a lair – that he shared with Eric. My boots thunked dully against the cold damp concrete as I made my way through the cave-like hallways until I saw him with, surprisingly, a group of Dauntless members and Max. They all had tense looks on their faces.

"Excuse me, Four," I said quietly, and he turned around. It was widely held that Four was the best-looking guy in Dauntless, and while I believed that honor went to someone else, I did agree that Four was alarmingly good-looking. His face was a blend of masculinity and sensuality, with perfectly symmetrical features and lush lips, but with enough hardness to make him someone the average person wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. He was really hard on the initiates, almost as hard as Eric, and he also had a rep for being a dick, but he'd never been anything but polite to me, even sort of friendly in a way. He and Eric had been in the same initiate class and had been wildly competitive, with Four coming out on top. I'm not sure Eric ever forgave him for that, and their relationship now was interesting – they were close like brothers, but there was something almost hostile between them, just simmering below the surface.

"Lady J," he said. "What's up?" His face looked drawn and focused, and not a little disturbed by something.

I folded my arms. "I know a group went out this morning. With Eric. To do a perimeter check and bring supplies to the Factionless?"

"Yeah," Four replied, his face giving away nothing.

"They're not back yet."

He sighed. "I'm well aware of that, believe me."

"So…?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips. "What's being done about that?"

"They're on the way back now," Four said. He glanced over his shoulder at the other leaders, then turned back to me, studying me for a long moment. Finally he sighed again and motioned me to step away with him a few feet.

"What is it?" I demanded in a whisper.

"They got attacked," he said quietly. "I don't have all the details but someone just radioed in. They got attacked and several of them got hurt. I'm only telling you this because you're going to have your hands full today, with the doctor. I don't know everyone who got hurt and I don't know the extent of the injuries, but…Eric got shot."

"What," I whispered, feeling the blood drain from my face.

"He's alive," Four added. "All I know is that he's alive. But I don't know anything else. I'll send Leb to get you when they get back. Be ready. In the meantime, get back to your normal duties. Don't tell anyone anything yet. Let Max handle that. All right? Go."

He patted me on the shoulder and then turned to go back to the other leaders. I held it together on the outside but on the inside, I was a mess. Eric had been shot. And no one knew anything about his condition.

I went back to the tattoo station in a daze, hoping against hope for a few moments of peace before having to return to work. Tori glanced up at me from where she was in the middle of doing a guy's full sleeve as I passed her, her pretty face worried.

"J?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

I just shook my head. "Nothing," I said, forcing a small smile. "It's nothing."

She nodded slowly, and it was obvious she didn't believe me. "You got another customer. Another initiate."

I just nodded and went to my station where a little redhead was waiting on me. She was talking at me, and I nodded, even though I had no idea what she was saying. I took her design plate and began prepping her skin for the tattoo, then got down to work, trying to focus on what I was doing and also wrap my head around the news I'd just received. I decided I wouldn't think any more about what had happened. I couldn't vocalize it, couldn't think the words. I had to focus on the present, not the possibilities of the future.

Sometime later – could have been fifteen minutes or an hour, I had no idea – I heard pounding feet approaching the station and a voice calling out to me.

"They're back, Jayce! Let's go!"

Leb's hoarse shout made my head snap up from my work. I hesitated for just a brief moment, looking down at the confused initiate.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, pulling off my latex gloves. "I'm sorry. I've got to go. I'll have Tori finish you up, all right?"

Before the girl could say anything else I leapt off the stool and scurried after Leb. I saw Tori on my way and smacked her shoulder in passing, a little harder than I meant to.

"Ow!" she exclaimed, grabbing her shoulder. "Where's the fire, Lady J?"

"Initiate needs her tat finished," I called back. "Gotta go!"

I turned around and focused on the back of Leb's head. The worry I'd been feeling all day and battling to hold back now bubbled to the top. The deployment unit was back, and Eric had been shot.

He'd been shot.

Now, I could let myself think it. It became a macabre little mantra that kept turning over in my brain, over and over, as I ran through the cavernous halls of Dauntless. I tried thinking of other things, but I couldn't. _He's been shot. He's been shot. _

It was only a vague thought that in the back of my head that I should feel guilty for not feeling the same level of concern for the others that had been wounded. Of course, we Dauntless believed in loyalty. Fierce loyalty. The others were my own, and if anything horrible had happened to them, it would tear me apart. Like them, Eric was also one of my own. And he was also much, much more than that. As much as I sometimes despised him, because he could be an asshole, rude, and sometimes downright mean, I still loved him, and I would always love him. It was killing me that he might be wounded to the point of death. Maybe he'd died on the way back. Maybe he was dead already.

The despicableness of that thought brought on a strong wave of nausea. I banished it from my head immediately before I threw up all over poor Leb's back.

That just wasn't something I was ready to face. The little voice in my head could be a bitch sometimes, so I silenced her and tried to think of other things. Failing that, I tried something I rarely did – I thought positive. _Please. What is the point of getting so worked up over a possibility? Prepare yourself, sure. But you know nothing about what happened, and you haven't seen him. Once you see him with your own eyes – alive or dead – then decide to either freak out or jump into his arms and tell him how relieved you are. Oh, wait. You would never do that because you're afraid, and he would probably laugh if he knew. Which is entirely your fault for falling in love with the biggest asshole in Dauntless. He was an asshole in Erudite. He treats everyone – including and especially you – with the utmost of scorn, and he barely sees you when you're around. He looks through you. Get your head out of your ass, Lady J. _

Once Eric had come over to Dauntless, it was like he unleashed his repressed, inner bad boy. Even at the tender age of sixteen, he took on a new hairstyle and got his infamous tattoos and eyebrow piercing almost immediately. We were in the same class of initiates although I was Dauntless-born, so we didn't train together. I always watched him, though. He had always been amazing to watch, even as a youth.

I didn't blame him for seeing through me. As a teenager I was nothing special. My black hair, always worn long since I was a girl, was limp and stringy. My skin had been cursed with an especially bad case of hormonal acne when I'd begun puberty, and it had taken me longer than most girls to grow into my woman's body. I was short, I was flat as a board all over, and I was invisible. Not to mention self-conscious, and terrified. I wondered for a long time if I shouldn't switch factions. Perhaps I belonged with Abnegation, or maybe Amity. Maybe I wasn't cut out for Dauntless.

The day before Choosing Day, when I underwent my aptitude test, the results couldn't have been clearer. Facing that slavering beast brought on by the serum they gave me, I surprised even myself with the naturalness in the action I took – grabbing that knife.

I was born Dauntless, and I would die Dauntless.

After that, things began to change for me.

I found my strength during initiation training. I grew to love that sharp taste of fear, because it made me focus. It made me want to be even braver than the bravest, most legendary member of Dauntless. I leapt across buildings, I jumped on and off speeding trains, I fought hard, I ran hard, I excelled at weaponry. I was _home_. I was where I belonged.

As my strength grew, my body changed. I put on weight from building muscle. I ate more calories because I used so much energy, and suddenly the womanly places on my body turned soft and lush and round, while I developed lean muscle in other places. I learned advanced hygiene – more than just showering and brushing my teeth – from the other girls. I learned how to smooth my skin from the inside as well as outside, I learned how to soften and shine my long hair. I learned how to use makeup, and I embraced the fashions of Dauntless that women preferred – clothing that was black, dark red, and tight. The tighter, the better.

My evolution over those early years certainly caught eyes of men and women alike – except for Eric's. Over the course of eight years, we had exchanged maybe two dozen sentences, and usually were of a nature that I could not describe as "positive". If he noticed that the ugly duckling was gone, he never let on.

And yet…I only yearned for him more.

I tried to date. I had short relationships with a couple of other Dauntless boys. I even lost my virginity at the age of eighteen, more out of curiosity than real desire. I jealously watched a few other girls come and go in Eric's life, and I wanted to be them. It got to a point where I just couldn't deal with boys on a level other than friendship, so I took myself off the market.

Single, alone, and full of need for one person, and one person only. And he failed to care that I existed.

_Boo-hoo. Again, that's all your fault. _

"Almost there," Leb called over his shoulder, and I snapped back to the present. "Jesus, I hope it ain't as bad as they said…"

We rounded a corner to the entrance bay and skidded to a stop. I had been running so fast I wasn't prepared for the abrupt stop so I crashed ungracefully into Leb's back, grabbing his shoulders for support. And then I saw him.

Despite all the feelings my earlier musings brought to the surface, sudden relief made me weak.

He was not only alive, but he was standing, and walking on his own. There was a bright red bloody bandage, crude and dirty, wrapped around his upper arm, and he was scowling as he talked to Four. Despite that, not a hair was out of place, and he looked otherwise unruffled, if highly pissed about something. I could hear the voices, hear the words, but it was nothing but gibberish to me in that moment.

He was fine. He was just fine.

Granted, yes. He'd been shot, but more than likely it was a through-and-through, not even grazing bone. He'd require immediate medical attention which he would no doubt fight tooth and nail, but…he was fine.

I found myself walking toward him before I knew I was even in motion.

"…an ambush, Four," he was saying, sounding furious. "A fucking _ambush_. Erudite made it seem like nothing at all. But the Factionless are armed. Do you hear me? They're fucking _armed_, and they're _trained_ and they ambushed us. We walked into a trap!"

He was so into his tirade he didn't notice me until I was at his elbow. His head whipped around, his smoky gray-blue eyes on fire. I was startled as I realize that this had to be the first time ever in eight years he'd ever looked me right in the eyes.

"What?" he barked, but I didn't even flinch. "Why are you here? Get back to work!"

"That's _why_ I'm here," I replied, staring at his bandage. "Look at your arm. You need to get that cleaned and looked at."

"I'm fine," he replied in aggravation. "Did you not hear what I just said? The Factionless are prepping for an assault, an _attack_ –"

Four sighed and lifted his hand. "We heard, Eric. But J is right. You need to get your wound looked at. Go to the infirmary."

"You –" Eric started furiously.

"_Go_, dammit," a voice coming down the hallway boomed. We all turned at the sound of the voice, seeing Max striding toward us. "You're useless if you wind up with gangrene and have to get your shit cut off. Go. Lady J, if you have to tase him, you have my permission."

"Let's go, Eric," I said gently. He ignored me, his eyes fixed on Max.

"Sir –"

"Later, man," Max said, shaking his head. "We will talk later, I promise. Go to the infirmary. Now."

Eric sighed in defeat, then looked intently at Four. "Make sure we double the sentry guards on duty. _Triple_. And I want them at every entrance, all around the perimeter."

"You have my word."

Eric turned away angrily, then glared at me. "Lead the way then, _Lady J_."

My nickname had been born many, many years ago, when I was a child. Unlike most Dauntless-born children who were so full of life and loud and brash, I was quiet and reserved and polite to a fault. My mother, a transfer from Amity, had always taught me manners and to be kind to people. It was my father who had first bestowed the nickname on me when I was six years old, and it had stuck.

It was as common a referral as it was for someone to call me by my actual name. It was amusing to me how easily it could just roll out of people's mouths. Normally, if anyone called me "Jayce" I was instantly alarmed – something had to be wrong. To everyone at Dauntless, I was the Lady J, or sometimes just simply J.

But somehow, on the rare occasions that Eric ever addressed me by my nickname, the way he said it always came out sounding condescending and borderline insulting.

Silently I turned and walked off toward the infirmary. I could hear his plodding steps behind me, I could hear his silent rage, and I could feel his eyes on my back.

Despite his typical rudeness, I couldn't help basking in the relief I was still experiencing. I'd take Eric the Alive Asshole over Eric the Deceased Dick any day. Of course, I'd never tell _him_ that.

Inside the infirmary I directed him to sit on the exam table while I got out a first aid kit. Of course, I'd be calling the doctor to confirm my suspicion that his wound only needed to be cleaned, stitched and bandaged, but I wanted to make sure no bones had been broken or splintered.

I took a moment to sweep my long black hair off my back and into a messy bun on the top of my head. I could still feel the heat of his gaze.

"Sanitary," he commented sarcastically. "I'm really looking forward to pulling foot-and-a-half long strands of your hair out of the hole in my arm."

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, clearing my throat, and grabbed a fresh pair of latex gloves, pulling them on with a snap. I moved toward him, avoiding his gaze, and reached for the bandage on his arm. I carefully pulled it off, and practically winced for him as the last bit of fabric clung tenaciously to the wound due to the dried blood around it. He let out a low, pained grunt from between his tightly pressed lips, his brow furrowing. He glowered at me.

"I'm sorry," I said. He stayed silent.

I used water to clean excess blood off his skin, and then gently began probing his upper arm with my fingers. The entrance wound, about the size of a dime, was in the little nook between his bicep and shoulder. Probing the area all the way around, I felt jagged skin on the underside of his arm, and gently raised it to see. He let out a hiss of pain.

"Sorry," I repeated.

It definitely looked like a through-and-through to me, and I couldn't readily identify any bullet fragments still lodged in his arm.

"I felt it come out of me," he said. "If that helps you to stop poking your fingers in my wound."

I looked at him darkly. "I'm just doing my job."

"Do it a little gentler, Christ," he muttered.

"Okay. Perhaps then, you'd like to get an infection from a dirty bullet inside your body. If that would make you more _comfortable_," I snapped.

His eyes narrowed, and he said nothing.

I ignored him and went back to my examination. Finally I lowered his heavy arm as gently as I could. "It looks like you'll live, Eric. Let me call the doctor to give you a once-over."

"I don't have time for this shit," he informed me, his deep voice edged with a warning. "Or did you not hear the part about the Factionless squadding up for a mass assault?" I sighed in exasperation, fed up with his bad attitude, and snapped at him.

"You'll make time. After he looks at you I need to stitch you up and bandage you. Max said you needed to get checked out. If he sees you like this, it'll be both our asses for disobeying an order. Is that what you want?" I waited for him to say something, though I knew he wouldn't. "Didn't think so. Now, shut up and stay where you are. I'll be right back."

The doctor looked him over and confirmed what I knew to be true, and then left, wishing Eric a speedy recovery. Eric, at least, had good enough grace to mutter a sullen "thank you".

I began to silently stitch up his wound, wondering for the umpteenth time why in hell I found myself so attracted to him. He was so rude and belligerent, and I could count the number of times I'd seen him smile on one hand, even in the eight years I'd known him.

_Why? Because you're in love with him, J. We already talked about this…_

_Shut up._

As I worked on his arm, I could not help appreciating the musculature of it, the way his well-defined and chiseled muscles flexed under my fingers. The rest of him was just as beautifully carved, especially his face. Though it was usually fixed in a cold mask of annoyance or a sneer, he was still one of the most beautiful specimens I'd ever laid eyes on. And being close to him like this, touching him, made me almost dizzy.

"Ow," he exclaimed suddenly, twisting away from me. "You jabbed the needle right into me. You know, sometimes it's hard for me to believe you're actually a trained nurse. I've seen initiates handle blood transfusion needles better than you."

I clenched my jaw and finally looked him in the eye. "Maybe if you didn't feel the need to be so damn rude all the time, you wouldn't make people so nervous. Besides, maybe you _need_ to be jabbed once or twice."

He studied me then, and I felt my cheeks getting hot. "Do I make you nervous?"

_Shit_. _Great job, Lady J._ "Only because you're so goddamn insolent," I muttered, and picked up the needle and thread again, reaching for his arm. He held surprisingly still for me as I finished up the stitches and then applied an antibacterial ointment. As I wrapped up his arm I glanced up at his face, and found him staring at me still. Instantly my face heated up – _still the scared, self-conscious little girl_ – and I looked away quickly, clearing my throat.

"Take care of these stitches. Don't pull them. If you do you need to come and see me right away. You'll need to start a course of antibiotics tonight. I need to go pick some up, I don't have any on me right now. I'll bring them to you tonight. Just – take care of yourself, okay?"

I turned before he could say anything, tossing the used sharps into the proper receptacle and putting my other things away.

I heard him slide off the table and head for the door. Then I heard him pause, and I turned around. He was still looking at me.

"Thanks," he said quietly, then slipped out the door.

I couldn't have been more shocked than if he would have kicked me, and stared after him for several moments like a moron, trying to accept what he'd just said.

"He just said 'thank you'," I said out loud to no one.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, ok. I know I said in the last a/n that this was going to be a short, smutty story to start off with to appease my Muse, but based on the feedback I've gotten so far, I think that I'm going to go ahead and make this a full-fledged fic. I don't really know what that means at this point in terms of length or plot arcs. I have a couple major arcs in mind, one of which ends in a manner that will probably not make too many people happy. However, I can't seem to get it out of my head! So I think I'm just going to keep on writing and see where we go. This also means that any smex that was initially planned to go down (PUNZ) early on will probably be pushed out some, but it will take place earlier than what I normally write. Lady J and Eric have known each for quite a while, after all :-) So, let's get this show on the road. It's like we're all getting into a rickety-ass wagon with the wheels ready to come off, and it's up to me to drive this bitch to safety. :-) So...all aboard!**

**P.S. Thanks to those of you who have reviewed so far. I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoy this.**

**Chapter 2**

My initial focus on Eric had prevented me from truly appreciating the seriousness of our plight. Eric had been one of the extremely lucky ones, getting away with only a small wound. Others in his unit had not been so lucky.

After I stitched him up, I went back to the bay, where they were bringing in the wounded. The doctor was there, performing initial assessments on the wounded to determine who needed immediate care and who could wait, and I immediately knew that it was going to be a long, long day.

"Prep the infirmary, please," he said, his tone clipped. "We have at least four criticals right now."

"Yes, doctor," I said immediately. I bit my lip. "Did we – have we lost anyone?"

"Not yet, but…it's bad, J. It's really bad."

I worked at the doctor's side all day and all afternoon, skipping lunch, and then skipping dinner. Eric hadn't been exaggerating – it had been an ambush. A massacre, actually, as it looked like several of our people wouldn't make it. I had three patients who were not expected to make it through the night.

At eight o'clock, our delivery of medications to restock our shelves arrived. Then I remembered I needed to bring Eric his antibiotics. I'd heard that after the debriefing, Max had made Eric go home to his apartment to rest. And I'd heard not long after that Eric had come back to the compound of his own accord, to strategize and agonize over the growing situation.

I left the doctor's side at his prodding to take the medicine to our office and restock the shelves. After that I counted out a course of antibiotics for Eric and put the pills into a small amber bottle. I figured I'd see him around, since getting him to rest was apparently out of the question. In the dank corridors I saw Four again. He looked even more tired, his face even more drawn, than it had that morning.

"Missed you at dinner," he said. "You've been busy with the doc, I hear."

"Yeah," I said wearily. "Four, it's bad. It's really, really bad. I think Lacie, Jax, and Tommy aren't going to make it tonight."

His jaw immediately clenched and pain came into his eyes. "I know. I heard."

"What if Eric's right?" I went on. "What if the Factionless are plotting an attack? We're the logical first targets, given that we guard the perimeter of the city. Can they wipe us out?"

"Not a chance in hell," Four said sharply.

"You sure about that?" I countered. "Eric said they had weapons and they looked trained. How did that even happen? How could they get weapons? What are we doing about this?"

Four sighed. "The leaders and Max have been in meetings together all day. We're trying to formulate a plan of counterattack, at worse. We're hoping that all we need to do is lay some muscle down and remind them of who we are and more importantly, who they _aren't._" He sighed again and patted my shoulder. "Try not to worry too much right now, J. You've got enough on your hands. And you need to grab some food. They already cleared off the tables but there's plenty in the kitchen."

At his words my stomach suddenly growled loudly, as if waking up grumpy from a long nap. I hadn't eaten since breakfast.

Four half-smiled. "See. You need to take a break."

"I will," I said. "After I make a delivery." I held up the bottle.

"What's that?"

"Antibiotics," I informed him. "For Eric."

"Ah," Four replied with a nod. "Yeah. He's in our office."

"Really," I said sarcastically. "What a shock. How untypical."

Four grinned. "Yeah. Have fun with that." He paused, studying me. "What is it with you two, by the way?"

"What?" I asked, taken completely off guard. "What…do you mean?"

"I don't know," Four said with a shrug. "It's none of my business. I just – I see the way you guys look at each other and the way you interact – you sound like an old married couple."

I shook my head rapidly. "The way we look at _each_ _other?"_

He shrugged again, and I could tell he was instantly regretting his decision to bring this topic up. "I mean, not at the same time. But you're looking at him when he's not looking at you, and then when you're not immediately by him or in his close vicinity, he's watching you like a hawk. And the other day, one of the other leaders made a comment about you when you walked by and Eric practically bit his head off. I mean, I realize that's his general way of speaking to everyone but it was far more intense with that poor guy."

Way too much information for me to process. I simply stood there, confused and embarrassed, looking at him helplessly. "I – I don't know," I said idiotically. "There's – there isn't anything with the two of us."

"Oh." Four shrugged. "Again, not my business. But you could have fooled me. Anyway, I'm going to check on the perimeter squad and see what's going on outside. Catch you later, J."

"Later," I echoed, turning and walking on slowly.

Eric looking at me? Eric taking off someone's head for making a random comment about me?

_I thought he didn't see me…_

I arrived at the space he shared with Four for an office in the Pit and stood quietly, listening to the sound of shuffling noises on the other side. I knocked on the door. A moment later I heard his deep voice call out, sounding slightly winded.

"Who is it?"

"Jayce," I called.

There was a long pause. "Come in."

I opened the door and took two steps into the room, and I almost dropped the bottle of water I was holding.

He was moving to sit on the edge of his desk, reaching for a stack of reports, and wearing only a pair of black pants and nothing else. I stared at the black ink scrawling over his chest, glistening a little with sweat, and up the sides of his neck. I stared at his incredibly chiseled stomach and broad, broad shoulders, the arms heavy and thick with muscles, his forearms covered in more tattoos.

He looked up at me finally. "You gonna just stand in the doorway all night? I have things to do."

"What? Oh." I shook my head a little, my long black hair swishing around my waist. "No. I, uh – it looks like I'm interrupting."

"No more than usual," he said, looking back at his reports. "When did that ever stop you anyway, Lady J?"

Back to his usual nasty self.

"What, um, were you doing?" I asked, and immediately regretted it. "You sounded out of breath," I hastened to add.

He looked at me witheringly. "Not that it's any of your business, but I was doing push-ups to burn off some excess energy since apparently I can't go patrol my own grounds tonight. And now, I am reading these papers." His tone dripped with sarcasm and he gave me a sardonic smile and made a show of holding up the folder he was reading.

"Push-ups?" I demanded, instantly forgetting my embarrassment and ignoring his tone and the rest of his sentence. "Are you out of your mind, Eric? I just gave you those stitches today, and you're doing _push-ups_? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Relax," he said mockingly. "They were one-armed push-ups. No harm done, all right, nurse?"

One-armed push-ups. Shirtless. _Christ._ I swallowed hard and cleared my throat, looking away.

"Guess you have a point. Here are your meds I promised, and here's some water. I'm serious, Eric – you need to start the course tonight."

"Yes, Mom," he said condescendingly, tossing the report down finally and walking toward me. He held my gaze as he took his dose and washed them down with water. He tilted his head mockingly, holding up the empty bottle. "Happy?"

"That I won't have to assist the surgeon as he cuts off your gangrened arm because you didn't listen to me and chose to act like a stubborn asshole instead? Yes. Very happy. Make sure you take those as directed on the bottle. Have a good night."

I snatched the bottle from his hand and turned, and then froze when I felt his hand land on my waist. It was warm, and my skin instantly tingled beneath it. His hand was large enough to curve around to my belly.

"Hey. Wait a second."

I turned around in a flash, my face red and my heart thumping. "What?"

"Tell me about my guys."

"Oh," I said, and my face fell as I thought about – remembered – the tragedy unfolding at the infirmary. "Four wounded, but released with minor injuries. They'll be fine. Twelve seriously wounded, and five critical. Of the five, I'm sorry to say we're probably going to lose three."

His jaw clenched. "Who?"

I looked at him sympathetically. "Lacie, Jax, and Tommy. I'm sorry, Eric."

A flash of pain went across his face for an instant, before he turned his head and looked away. He stared at the floor for a long time, his jaw working, before he finally looked at me.

His eyes searched my face. "Why were you there this afternoon?"

I blinked in surprise. That was not a question I was prepared for. It seemed so random. "What? I'm a nurse, Eric. You got shot. Who the hell else would be there?"

"You would have been summoned," he said, his voice going softer. "But you were there. With Leb, I saw the two of you."

My face burned. "I wanted to be available right then for…for anyone who might have needed me. I didn't know it was so bad."

"It was fucking bad," he said. "We're facing a real problem."

"What are you going to do about it?" I asked quietly.

He stared at me almost defiantly. "Something. And soon. Rest assured. We won't let the Factionless get away with this."

I nodded. "Just – just make sure that you don't get yourself hurt any worse than this, okay, Eric?" I stared up into his beautiful, angry face, and tried to picture him chewing out a guy for making a comment…about me. I wondered vaguely what had been said that would have pissed him off so badly. _Probably some joke about Eric and I being together, _the little voice said bitchily. _And Eric wanted to make sure he knew that would never happen in a million years. _

He met my gaze, and held it.

I had no idea how long we stood there looking at each other like that, but gradually I could almost feel the air between us shift. He looked so angry, so beautiful, so tormented by what had happened and by the thought of losing some member of his unit. There was something else in his eyes as he looked at me. Something that might have been familiar in someone else, but in him, it was unidentifiable. And it made my heart race so fast I felt like I needed to go sit down.

I turned to leave.

As I reached for the door handle, beginning to pull it open so I could see myself out, a large hand attached to a muscled arm slid over my shoulder, and pushed the door closed. I looked at the door in surprise, and then nervousness made me turn around fast.

"What –"

He was right behind me.

His face was still but at the same time so full of that unrecognizable emotion. He stepped close to me, enough to make me instinctively back away, only to realize there was a door at my back and I wouldn't really be able to go anywhere.

He braced both hands against the door, his eyes searching my face and full of some sort of need, his brow furrowed. I wanted to ask a million questions, the first one being what the hell was he doing, but I couldn't seem to formulate any words because I had, apparently, forgotten how to speak. Especially when he leaned in, and his eyes slowly went to fixate on the side of my neck.

I had never gone hambone-crazy with the tats like most initiates did. I knew I'd be getting one because I'd always wanted one, but I'd wanted it to be special and meaningful. Finally, on my twentieth birthday, I'd decided to go for it and got a special design. My father was Dauntless-born and my mother a transfer from Amity, so I'd gotten something that melded the two of them, with some added tribal markings. It covered my left shoulder and went all the way across and up the side of my neck, disappearing behind my ear. That was what he was studying now.

He slowly reached a hand up, brushing my long black hair off my shoulder. My heart was racing, hammering in my chest, and I wanted to run and stay exactly where I was at the same time. I had no idea what he was doing, and it terrified and thrilled me.

I swallowed audibly. "Eric…"

He lifted his eyes to my face and I tried so hard to understand what he was telling me with them, because he wasn't saying anything. My heart rate kicked into an inhuman speed when his eyes dropped slowly to my mouth.

And then, all of a sudden, the spell was broken when a heavy fist pounded against his door.

"Eric?"

Immediately he backed off of me, and the old mask of seriousness edged with hostility dropped over his face. "Who is it?"

"It's Max. Open up, I want to talk to you about our plan. Four's with me."

Could this get any worse? "I have to go," I squeaked out unnecessarily. Eric didn't move a muscle or say a word as I whirled around rapidly and opened the door. Mortification stained my cheeks as I registered the looks of incredible surprise on both leaders' faces, followed by suspicion on Max's and a little amusement on Four's.

"What, uh," Max began mildly, brows lifted, looking between us. "What's goin' on here?"

I couldn't stand to hear Eric answer and say that what had happened was nothing, so I did it first. "Nothing, sir. I was just dropping off some antibiotics for Eric."

Max pointedly stared at Eric's naked torso. "Sure. Listen, you're both adults here. You ain't gotta lie to kick it."

"It's – nothing," I repeated, and edged out the door. "Goodnight to you all."

I ran off without another word, and unable to look at Eric.

* * *

><p>I didn't sleep that night.<p>

Mostly because I was tending to the wounded until the wee hours of the morning with doctor. As we had suspected, both Lacie and Jax succumbed to their injuries, dying within twenty minutes of each other. According to one of the wounded, Lacie had gotten shot trying to pull Jax out of the line of fire.

Surprisingly and happily, Tommy survived the night and his surgery. He'd be in critical condition for a while, but the doctor felt that Tommy had a good chance of eventually recovering. What would happen to him after that would depend entirely on his recovery – if he could reach a level of health that would allow him to return to the fight, he would remain with Dauntless. If not…he would become Factionless.

When the doctor finally sent me home, I thought I would fall into a deep sleep until it was time to get up and go back to the compound. I had managed to avoid thinking about what happened with Eric while I was working, but once I was in bed, despite my body begging me for rest, all I could think of was him. His eyes, consuming me, so full of some silent need, desperate to say something but unable to. And the feeling of his hand brushing my hair, my skin, practically drove me to drink. It was such a trivial gesture, but the caress was so…intimate. It had almost felt like a dream to me, so full of disbelief I was that it had happened. I wanted so much to understand what was happening in his mind. I had knocked on his door expecting to deliver medication and leave; I never anticipated that he would completely change my world with a simple brush of his hand through my hair.

What the hell had come over him? The question turned over and over and over in my mind. It was like a switch had been flipped when I wasn't looking. Then I thought about the way we had looked at each other a moment before he'd touched me. I thought about that look on his face, the look in his eyes.

I wondered what the morning would bring – specifically, what would happen in the next three hours. He would be there in the morning, at breakfast, like everyone else would be. Especially with the announcement of the death of two of our comrades, and the potential uprising of the Factionless – the entire faction would have to be addressed in the morning. And I wondered how he would treat me.

_Or if he even speaks to you at all. _

I tossed and turned for the next two hours, sleeping intermittently. I woke at my usual time, feeling exhausted, my eyes burning. Nevertheless I woke and showered. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't give a deep prayer of thankfulness for my own private shower, after the months of co-habiting and co-showering while in initiation training. That had been eight years ago and I still remembered every humiliating moment. I couldn't help wondering what it had been like to watch Eric shower. What it would be like to watch him _now_. For a brief moment I pictured water sluicing over his large, perfectly formed, inked body.

I cranked the water to freezing cold.

After my shower I toweled off and blew my long hair dry. I brushed it until it shone, admiring the voluminous mane that flowed down my back. Looking at my hair always made me think of my mother, because it was just like hers.

I felt like maybe I wanted to put some extra care into my appearance this morning, so I applied enough makeup to make me look like I'd gotten more than forty minutes of sleep. I used eye drops to take the red out of my gray eyes, and that helped. I smoothed clear pink gloss over my fleshy lips, and then went to get dressed. I pulled on tight black pants and a sheer, long-sleeved black sweater with a scoop neck I wore over a crimson camisole. I added black boots with a slight heel and grabbed my black leather jacket. As an afterthought, I gave myself a spritz of perfume, grabbed my bag, and walked out the door.

When I got to the compound, I walked into the chow hall and found Dri, my best friend, at our usual table. She had thoughtfully already gotten me coffee and eggs.

"Morning, Sunshine," she said as I dropped into my seat. "I hear there's going to be a big announcement this morning."

"Yeah," I said tiredly, and took a sip of coffee. "The Factionless attacked a patrol unit yesterday."

"What?" Dri gasped. "Did anyone get hurt?"

"A lot of them were hurt," I replied. "And two of them died."

Dri covered her mouth, her brown eyes wide. "Who?"

"Lacie and Jax."

She shut her eyes for a moment. "My God. What does this mean?"

I shrugged. "Last I heard, Max and the leaders were supposed to be working on a strategy for defense and possibly counterattack. I don't know what they've come up with. But it probably means we're going to war. We're supposed to protect the other factions, after all."

Dri glanced up to where the leaders and Max had amassed in the balcony overlooking the hall. "Is that why Eric's got a bandage on his arm?"

I looked up and saw him, his arms exposed from the T-shirt he was wearing, and saw the bright white flash of the bandage.

"Yes," I told her. "He got shot too."

"Jesus!" Dri exclaimed.

"He's fine," I added. "Obviously." I looked up at him again, and found that he was staring down at us. At me. I flushed red and averted my eyes.

After a while, Max called for everyone's attention and made the announcement about the attack, and the loss of Lacie and Jax. There were noises of dismay all throughout the hall, and I looked around, seeing disbelief and grief on faces everywhere.

"Today, we are going to lay our brother and our sister to rest, as is our custom," Max said formally. "And then we will celebrate their lives tonight. Initiate training has been cancelled for today out of respect for our fallen brethren, but you will be expected to report as normal tomorrow morning. And before I forget – I want to commend one of our very own training leaders on his bravery in leading the team yesterday. Everyone, make some noise for Eric."

The entire hall erupted into loud whoops and cheers and applause, and Eric took it all in, his face stone.

"And make some noise for his team – for our comrades still struggling with their wounds. For our comrades who were brave enough to go into the fold and come back. If you were with Eric yesterday, stand up."

About seven people in the hall got to their feet, and the faction clapped louder, harder.

"And finally," Max said, "I want everyone to take a moment of silence to remember Lacie and Jax. We mourn them for today. And tonight, we celebrate their lives."

After the moment of silence, people slowly began to return to their meals or got up to leave and go about their daily tasks, except for the initiates, who looked thrilled beyond belief to have an unexpected day to sleep, get tattoos, or just mess around.

Dri turned back to me. "So I guess, tonight we par-tay. You know, I'm still not used to the Dauntless view on death and funerals, and I've been here five years. We just didn't do that in Candor."

I smiled. "I know. But isn't it so much better to focus on the celebration of life rather than grieving all the time? You know Lacie for sure wouldn't have wanted that."

"She sure wouldn't," Dri said softly, and we both thought of the vivacious blonde, a true badass. She was tough, and feisty, but loyal and kind, and was always there to help anyone in need. I felt my throat growing tight, and when Dri glanced up at me, her eyes were glistening. She smiled.

"Okay," she said, clearing her throat. "Change of topic, kind of. Pretty cool how Eric got some recognition for being his bad self."

As my face heated up for the thousandth time at the mention of his name, I nodded. "Yeah."

She cocked her head. "You always get weird when I mention his name," she said. "That must mean you really don't like him that much. Either that, or you're madly in love with him." She chuckled at the last part, as if that were a completely ludicrous thought.

I forced a laugh. "Right. No, I mean, it is cool. He deserves some recognition for something other than scaring the piss out of the poor initiates. He's just – you know. A little rough around the edges."

"Mm, but sexy," Dri said, picking him out with her eyes. "And you know I don't even like boys like that."

I laughed again, this time a genuine one. "You sure about that? You're staring awfully hard."

"I'm sure," Dri said with a charming grin. She glanced over at Eric again, then at me, then back at Eric. "But – he _is _staring at you. Don't look."

"What?" I asked, sitting very still.

"Yeah," Dri said, casting another covert look in his direction. "He's with Four and Max, but he keeps glancing over here. And I can tell he's not looking at _me_." She looked at me almost suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"What? Nothing," I said defensively. I couldn't help myself and glanced in Eric's direction, and sure enough, he was looking right at me. I thought he would look away, like normal people would, when I caught his eye, but he didn't. He lifted his chin slightly, and kept looking. And I didn't look away either.

A scaled-down version of that look in his eyes last night was there. His eyes moved all over my face, and then finally, he glanced away. A moment later, he followed Four and Max out of the hall.

"What was _that_?" Dri demanded. "What was all that about?"

"I don't really know," I murmured, still looking after the direction he'd gone, even though the doors were shut now. "I – I have no idea."

"That was…intense," Dri said bluntly. "I even got sort of warm there."

I gave her a withering look. "Right."

"I did!" Dri said with a big smile. She leaned her chin on her hand. "Speaking of things that are hot, are you going to let me do you up for tonight?"

"Do me up?" I repeated, reaching for my coffee. It was cold by now when I sipped it. I made a face and set it back down. "If I didn't know you better, I'd think you were coming on to me."

"It's tempting sometimes," she teased. "But seriously. Be my dolly tonight and let me paint you and dress you?"

I laughed. "If it makes you happy, then fine."

Dri clapped her hands, playfully childish. "Oh, goody. I have just the dress for you too."

I groaned. "Tell me that it at least will cover my ass."

"Um, sure," she said with a guileless smile. "We'll say that. Yep."

Oh, brother. I sat back and shook my head. I had a feeling tonight would be interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey everyone! So I have my plot pretty much mapped out, the overview, anyway. And I will warn you now that this story will not have a happy ending. You've been warned. However, this does explain the Eric we see in the movie. Based on this fiction, I see movie Eric as being bitter, hateful, and mean - the result of something horrible. He wasn't always this way, and this fic will explore that side of him to shed some light. Please hang in there with me and trust me to tell you a good story. Read on and enjoy, poopies! Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Chapter 3**

We laid Lacie's and Jax's bodies to rest later that morning.

It was Dauntless custom to have a funeral almost immediately after a death. We wanted to acknowledge the death as soon as possible and move on to the celebration of life.

Sometimes, I felt like maybe it was just an excuse to get drunk. To each their own.

True to my promise, I sat very still for an hour and a half while Dri "did me up". When she was done, she threw a tiny garment at me that was supposed to be an excuse for a dress. The clingy material did stretch out on my considerably, and she smugly pointed out, "See? It covers your ass."

It covered none of my back, though, or my legs from mid-thigh down.

"How about some pants?" I asked.

"No. Dress. Hush."

We rode the train back to the compound, with the doors open. I tilted my head back and enjoyed the rush of icy air, even as it took my breath away and made me shiver.

"Did you ever wish you chose differently?" Dri asked suddenly. I looked at her. She gave me a little smile. "You know. On Choosing Day."

"I know what you mean," I said. "Where did that come from?"

She shrugged. "Just curious, I guess."

I lifted my brows thoughtfully. "Well. I don't think I wish that I chose differently. But some days, even now, I wonder if this is where I truly belong, or if I've just been kidding myself all these years."

"Really?" she asked, sounding surprised. "But…you're such a…a badass."

I laughed. "We all are. We were trained that way."

"I know," she said. "But you're different. It's like you're fearless and brave of course, but at the same time there's calculation behind what you do and what you say. Like you take the time to think before you jump, not the other way around. And you really care about people. I mean, of course our whole faction is loyal and like a family. But you're…compassionate. Empathetic."

I shrugged. I remembered my aptitude test quite clearly. I'd picked the knife to face that dog with, but it had come after several seconds of indecision.

Indecision, or calculation.

What I remembered the most, though, was the look on the face of my test administrator as he was calculating my test results. It was something that still confused me to this day.

"What's my result?" I had asked.

He'd stared at the screen, his jaw clenching and his brow furrowed. Finally he'd reached out, clacking hard the keys on his keyboard.

"Dauntless," he'd said, his tone clipped. "You're Dauntless. Of course."

He'd sounded almost pissed off. Pissed off, and…frightened.

"Get out of here," he'd ordered.

"Earth to J," Dri said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Hey. Still with me?"

"Yeah," I said quickly, shaking my head. "Yeah. Little trip down memory lane, is all."

"Well, a few Dell's Specials will burn those memories right out of your brain," Dri said brightly as the train pulled to a stop finally. She linked her arm in mine. "Let's go, Lady J."

The Pit would have been pitch-black if it weren't for the red lamps that were strategically placed around the room. It was already humid from the mass of bodies that filled it. A couple of bars had been set up against one wall, and Dri dragged me over to an empty two-person tall table before anyone else could claim it.

I glanced around the room, unable to hold back a smile. People were cutting loose in every sense of the phrase, and I wondered how many of them were still "celebrating life" as opposed to just celebrating. As it was, two large pictures of Lacie and Jax were spotlighted onto a wall, and their hazy, smiling faces caught my heart a little bit.

Dauntless members and initiates alike were filling the room. Loud music pumped from speakers set up around the Pit, and there was lots of flirty, sexy dancing going on. There weren't really any rules at Dauntless, and faction members were encouraged to pretty much do whatever they wanted in their personal lives. Therefore, it would not surprise me at all, based on what I was seeing, if it turned out to be a sleepless night for many in the room.

"You want a Dell Special, right?" Dri asked, pointing across the table at me.

I shuddered, then smiled. "God help me, but yes."

She grinned, tossing her head and making her short brown curls bounce. "Coming up. That drink and that dress are going to get you in trouble tonight, Lady J."

"With who?" I asked teasingly. "You?"

She turned around and winked. "You know I play for an all girls' team, but you're my best friend. That would be gross, no matter how tempting I find you."

I laughed as she flounced off toward the bar. I drummed my fingertips on the table, glancing around the cavernous room. Raunchy hip hop was playing loudly now and the dance floor teemed with bodies. Everyone looked like they were having the time of their lives.

I tugged on the hem of my black lace dress a little self-consciously when I felt a gust of wind from somewhere hit the skin of my thighs, reminding me how skimpy it was. Dri was considerably shorter and smaller than me, and very lean, so the dress was normal on her. On me, it was risqué at best, and borderline inappropriate at worst. Or it would have been, if we Dauntless cared about things like that.

The dress was sexy though, and it did make me feel just a little like a goddess. It hugged all of my curves like they were long lost lovers, and the scoop back dipped daringly low, showing off the indentation of my spine almost down to my rear end. The sleeves hugged my arms down to the elbows with sheer black lace. Dri had made me wear her least ridiculous pair of black heels, which were still a four-inch stiletto. My feet didn't hurt yet, but the night was still young.

She had styled my long hair into voluminous waves cascading down my back and had put dark makeup around my eyes to give them a sultry appeal and make my gray eyes even smokier. Pale pink gloss shone on my lips, and she dubbed me "reasonably acceptable" by the time she was through.

She must have been onto something, because in the few minutes or so we'd been there four different guys had stopped by to talk to me, ask me to dance, or flirt with me in some way. I declined them all, some politely, some humorously, and some downright rudely when they didn't seem to take the hint and got a little bit too handsy.

Next the main entrance, I spotted Four, Max, and a few of the other leaders. Some were drinking, some were not. I saw Eric, too, standing on Max's other side. He held a cup of something in one hand and was scanning the room as he sipped from it, occasionally nodding at something Max or Four said. He didn't look in my direction, and I figured he hadn't spotted me yet. I allowed myself a few moments to indulge in watching him. He was wearing his typical all black, a long, sleeveless black leather vest over a black T-shirt and black pants. His arm was in a fresh bandage and it didn't seem to be bothering him much. I made a mental note to check on his stitches later on. My eyes traveled up his shoulder to the tattoos on his neck, and up his neck to his face. It was always so immobile, almost lifeless with its seriousness.

Then I remembered the look in his eyes last night in his office, when he had me backed up to the door, and shivered.

Almost at that exact moment, he lifted his head, scanning the room – and his eyes landed on me. He did a double-take, then stared at me steadily.

I swallowed hard, feeling my entire body and face get hot, and then looked away.

I watched Dri head back toward the table, carrying two champagne glasses full of ominous dark liquid. She handed me one and leaned against the table, her eyes fixed on something or someone beyond my shoulder.

"So," she said. "I'm going to ask you this again. What's up with you and Eric?"

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could manage and ran a fingertip around the rim of my glass. "What are you talking about?" I asked, and took a big sip of my drink to stall.

She tilted her head, pursing her lips up sarcastically. "Don't do that. I know you've had a thing for him for a long time, but I saw the way you were looking at each other this morning."

I shrugged again.

Dri frowned. "C'mon, J. I mean, there was heat there. Like real heat. Did you guys fuck or something? _Finally_?"

"What?" I exclaimed. "No!"

"Then what is it?"

I bit my lip, debating. Finally, I decided to just be honest. "Absolutely nothing like that. But we – we had this weird moment in his office last night."

"What!" Dri squealed, leaning forward. "What happened?"

"I'm really not sure," I replied. "I went to bring him his antibiotics and he just…he got this look on his face. Like he really wanted to tell me something but didn't know how. And then he…"

"What?" Dri squealed again. "What? Did he kiss you?"

"No, nothing like that. He just…he got really close to me, and brushed my hair back and leaned in really close, like he was looking at my tattoo or something. Like…inhaling me," I said.

"Oh, my _God_," Dri said dreamily. "That sounds so weirdly hot. Did you die?"

"A little," I said. "And then again when Max and Four showed up."

Dri's mouth fell open. "_What?_ That's awkward. They saw you?"

"No, not exactly. They saw the aftermath. But it was pretty obvious. I don't know what Eric told them."

"So what has he said to you today?" Dri pressed.

I sighed. "Actually? Not one damn word. Nothing. I'm afraid he was just caught up in the moment or something. He's pretty much treated me like I don't exist today."

"Except for that look this morning," Dri pointed out. "Words are words, but that _look_…"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Words are pretty important to me, I guess. Especially because I don' know what the hell got into him."

"Girl, he want you," Dri said teasingly.

I laughed. "Sure. You know this."

"I have eyes. And what I do know is that he's been hanging out with Four and Max in the corner by the bar staring at you ever since you got to this table, and now he's walking over here."

"What?" I hissed, reflexively starting to turn around.

Dri grabbed my wrist. "Nuh-uh. Don't look. Drink your drink, do it fast."

I stared at her with huge eyes as I gulped down the potent drink, feeling my stomach bubble with nerves.

Suddenly her face broke into a wide smile as she looked over my shoulder again. "Hi there," she said, almost flirtatiously. "How's it going, Eric?"

I coughed and swiped at my mouth, glancing up as he suddenly loomed next to us. Now that he was closer, I could see the symmetrical features of his face, his smooth brow and strong jar. It looked like he was freshly shaved. I had the urge to touch his cheek to see if it was as smooth and soft as it looked, then folded my hands together tightly.

He met my eyes briefly before addressing Dri. "It's going all right. I guess. Thanks. Hope you're having a nice time." He was his usual brusque self, but at least he looked at her as he spoke to her, if smiling was still out of the question though. But for Eric, it was probably as friendly as he was going to get.

He looked at me. "I need a word with you."

I swallowed. "You – you do?"

He nodded slowly. "If that's all right. Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Dri blurted. "No, you go ahead and take her – ahem. I was about to go find someone to dance with anyway."

"Dri," I said.

"You go with Eric," she said sweetly. "I'm going that-a-way. Talk to you later!" With a wave, she swept into the crowd on the dance floor.

I cleared my throat nervously and ran a hand through my hair before glancing up at him. He leaned in close to speak into my ear, and I could smell his cologne. It was so delicious and spicy that it made my head swim. _Or maybe that's the Dell Special._

"Follow me. It's too loud in here."

Before we could move, another guy headed over to our table. He was definitely drunk, staggering and sloppy, and he completely ignored Eric and leaned in to talk to me.

"Hey, gorgeous," he slurred. "Wanna dance?"

"No, thank you," I said, averting my nose slightly. Whatever he was drinking reeked out of his pores. "You should probably go home and go to bed."

"Yeah," he said, grinning sloppily. "Sounds good. Wanna join me?"

"She said no," Eric interrupted suddenly, and he looked extremely annoyed. "Now, back the fuck off and get lost."

I couldn't help biting back a little smile; the big bad Dauntless leader couldn't possibly be jealous. Could he?

"I wasn't asking _you_," the guy sneered.

Eric half-smiled. "I'm not even that pissed off because you're too drunk to know your own fucking name, but if you don't walk away in two seconds I'm going to make you regret all of this tomorrow."

"Hey, man –" The guy bristled.

Eric merely lifted an eyebrow, ready for the invitation to make good on his promise. Hastily I reached out and grabbed the guy's shoulder.

"Just go home and sleep it off," I said in his ear. "I know you don't mean any harm. The answer's still no, but I'm trying to keep you from getting your face pounded in, all right? Now, go." I shoved him away and he began to stumble off in the direction I'd launched him in, the little disagreement already forgotten.

Eric looked almost amused. Then he looked down at me, his eyes giving me a long, sweeping look. "Is that supposed to be a dress?"

I gave him an odd look. "Uh…yeah. It _is_ a dress. It's Dri's."

"Oh. That explains it." His eyes roamed me again as he sipped from his drink, and I felt a flash of feminine indignation. "Now, can we go talk somewhere?"

"No," I said, annoyed. "What the hell kind of a backhanded compliment was that?"

He looked at me strangely. "What are you talking about?"

"Uh, the shit you just talked about my dress," I snapped, and took myself vaguely by surprise by how annoyed I was. I thought I looked nice. I felt great, and there had been a part of me that had been dying for Eric to get a load of me. And apparently, it was blowing up in my face.

"First of all, it's not technically your dress, as you just said it belongs to Dri," he said calmly. "And second of all, what makes you think I was paying you a compliment at all?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times, glaring up at him. He didn't look perturbed in the least. In fact, he looked slightly amused.

"Are we done talking about this now?" he added, turning to gesture slightly over his shoulder. "Because I did want to speak to you about something more important than dresses. Or, pieces of material that women call dresses."

"You are one rude son of a bitch," I blurted out, and turned around abruptly to grab my glass and finish my drink.

I could see his shoulders shake with his chuckling out of my peripheral vision and it pissed me off even more. I was about to tell him to go fuck himself and leave to find Dri when I felt a large, warm hand on my bare back, and then he was leaning in close to speak into my ear again.

"I suppose it would be _nicer_ of me to tell you that you look gorgeous, wouldn't it?" he murmured in my ear, and I tried and failed to suppress the shiver that his voice sent rippling through me. "Is that what you want to hear me say?"

I knew he'd been drinking, because his eyes were a little bloodshot, and that would make anyone a little loose-lipped, and therefore I shouldn't put stock in it, but _Christ_, he was looking at me through heavy-lidded eyes with a little smirk on his face and it was getting to me like a motherfucker.

I squirmed out of his grasp. "I don't need or want to hear you say anything to me."

"Okay," he said in a very cocky way that I found unbelievably sexy. Or maybe it was the Dell's Special that thought it was sexy. "Now. About that talk…"

I bit my lip. "You want…to go somewhere and talk? About what?"

He gave me a sardonic look. "For me to tell you that right here would defeat the purpose of me asking you to go somewhere with me to talk. Wouldn't it?"

He was such an ass. I was about to tell him that very thing when I suddenly heard shouting from the bar. And given the fact that the music was as loud as it was, that meant that the shouting was pretty damn loud.

I turned to look, and I saw Dri squaring off with a much bigger guy at the bar. He had one of her wrists in one hand and kept leaning down to get in her face. And Dri did not look amused. In fact when I looked at her face, I saw that she looked scared.

Instantly I was shoving past Eric and lurching myself through the crowd toward them, moving as easily in Dri's heels as if I had my favorite pair of boots on.

"Jayce!" I heard Eric yell behind me, but I ignored him and shouldered my way to the bar, furious.

"Hey!" I shouted, grabbing the guy's shoulder. He whipped around as soon as my hand dropped down on him, and looked pissed off.

"Fuck off!" he said, shaking me off. "Nobody's talking to you."

"Let go of her," I said through gritted teeth, and then grabbed the wrist above the hand that was gripping her and used my thumb to squeeze down on his pressure points as hard as possible. He let out a yelp and let go of Dri, and she stumbled back several steps, clutching her wrist and wincing.

"You fucking bitch!" the guy yelled, grabbing his own wrist. I could tell he was drunk but definitely not sloppy. He knew what he was doing, and that's why he was going to answer for this.

"Leave her alone, and get the hell out of the Pit," I snapped, standing my ground, my fists balled at my side.

"Who the fuck died and put you in charge, you little cunt?" he roared back, and reached out and actually shoved me.

Now, chivalry wasn't really a thing in Dauntless. I mean, men and women held their own against anyone. But most Dauntless men carried a certain level of respect for women, and this fuckstick had none.

"Get out of here," I said. "And that's the last time I'm asking nicely."

He sneered at me and then in an instant had my upper arm clenched in his hand. "I like it when you talk dirty. Maybe I want to fuck you now instead of your friend –"

My fist slammed into the middle of his face before he could even finish getting his disgusting comment out of his mouth, and I watched with satisfaction as his head snapped back. He stumbled back against the bar, and his hand shot out and grabbed a beer bottle. I couldn't believe it when he actually _swung_ it at me, but I ducked it easily. The momentum carried his arm into a chair and the bottle broke. Immediately he swung his arm back around, spraying me with beer, and I yelped as a jagged edge tore across my arm. Immediately I felt warmth seeping down my arm.

He lifted the bottle again and before I could try to move out of the way, a large hand shot out and grabbed his arm, bending it back. The guy grunted in pain, and I whirled around, seeing Eric right behind me and moving in closer. He had a look of calm fury on his face and he pulled the guy's arm back even further. He let out a howl and went down to his knees.

Eric leaned down and I could him speak into the guy's ear, and the guy started nodding rapidly. Eric let him go and the guy scrambled to his feet and ran out of the Pit without another look at anyone.

I turned to look at Eric, watching him draw a deep breath in through his nose. He gave me a look and then turned to Dri. He said something to her and I saw her nod. Then he turned around and looked at me, his face unreadable. He leaned in close. "Let's go."

There was no arguing or questioning that tone. I did anyway. "But Dri –"

"She's fine. I just asked her. Now."

He took me by my uninjured arm and led me through the crowd, not exactly being rough but definitely not being gentle. He led me out of the pit and through the halls silently. I could sense that he was pissed off at me, but I had no idea why.

He led me to the infirmary and pushed me toward the exam table. "Sit down."

"I think I'm the nurse, here," I retorted.

"I know advanced field triage. I'm only the leader who trains all incoming Dauntless initiates, you know. No big deal."

The sharpness of his tone, devoid of its normal sardonic humor, made me look at him. His back was to me as he rummaged through the supplies, trying to find something to tend to my arm with. I tried to navigate the waist-high table edge but in my short, tight dress, that was far easier said than done.

Eric turned, supplies in his hands, saw me, and rolled his eyes. He walked over and dropped the supplies on the table, and then grabbed me by the waist, scooped me up as if I weighed nothing at all, and deposited me on the table. I landed with a soft grunt, my hands on his shoulders. His hands stayed on my waist for a moment and we locked eyes. Then his face hardened and his hands dropped.

"What you did," he said quietly, ripping open a package containing sterile gauze, "was the dumbest fucking thing in the world."

I rolled me eyes. "Oh, give me a break, Eric. I didn't do anything wrong. That bastard put his hands on _me_. Not to mention what he did to Dri."

"Your friend is Dauntless too, last time I checked," he said, dabbing up blood on my arm with more force than necessary. "Which means she has been fully equipped with all the skills necessary to take care of herself. And you should have let her do just that."

"If she'd been able to do that, she would have," I snapped back. "She needed help."

"You could have been hurt way worse than this," Eric said, examining my wound. I looked down at it, and while it was deep, it didn't need any stitches. "And had I not been there, he would have knocked your ass out with a fucking beer bottle, and then we would have had to kick him out of Dauntless."

"Oh, boo-hoo," I said sarcastically. "Because he's such a great person."

Eric stared up at me levelly. "No one is perfect. And he'd been drinking."

"So he gets a pass?" I demanded. "Because he'd been drinking? What if he'd done something worse to Dri?"

"He didn't. You should be concerned about what could have happened to you, because you felt the need to play bodyguard."

I looked at him as he finished cleaning my cut and applied an antibiotic gel to it before putting a bandage on it. His fingers were strangely gentle now. He seemed completely focused on his task, a little frown line between his eyebrows.

I cleared my throat. "Thank you," I murmured. "For stopping him. For…saving me."

His lips pursed mockingly, and I was caught by how tender the upper one looked. "Thought you had it all under control."

I sighed.

He finished wrapping my arm. "You're welcome," he added gruffly after a moment.

I hid a smile. "Hey. What did you want to talk to me about earlier?"

He glanced up at me, then tossed unused supplies back in their drawers. "It's nothing. Nevermind."

I felt strangely let down.

He turned around and took my waist again, lifting me off the table and setting me down on my feet. As before, his hands lingered on waist before slowly dropping away.

"Are you going back to the party?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Wind's kinda gotten knocked out of my sails now. I'll probably just head home."

"Do you want to go see if your friend will go with you?"

I shook my head. "I think she wants to stay. I'll be fine."

He cleared his throat and glanced away. "If you want, I can take the train with you."

I looked at him in surprise. "Don't bother yourself. Please. It's okay. Your stop is in the complete other direction of mine anyway. I'll be just fine."

"All right, then." He turned and walked out of the infirmary and I followed behind him, a little confused. Had he just offered to do something chivalrous? The thought of Eric escorting a lady home safely was flabbergasting.

Luckily, I wasn't worried about being able to take care of myself. But…the fact that he wanted to, that he'd offered was…sweet.

_Shit. Should I have said yes?_

Eric walked me up the stairs to the compound entrance. Rather, he walked in front of me, and I stared at his back, wondering if I'd just made a huge mistake by not letting him do something as ridiculous as make sure I got home safely. I was _Dauntless_…of course I would get home safely. He knew that. So, why would he offer?

At the entrance, I noticed that his hands were jammed in his pockets and he looked everywhere but at me. I tentatively reached out and touched his arm, over his bandage.

"Meant to look at your stitches," I said softly. "And change your bandage for you."

He glanced at me, then at his arm where my fingers grazed his skin. "I'm sure I'll live."

"I'll check it in the morning," I promised, my hand dropping away.

The wind gusted past us then, my long black waves blowing across my face. I reached up to brush them away, and when I could see again, I saw Eric looking at me. He held my gaze for a beat, then his eyes slid down my body.

"Jayce," he said quietly.

Suddenly my heart rate sped up a little bit. "Yes?"

That _look_ from last night came into his eyes and he seemed to hesitate. And then, when he opened his mouth, the train roared onto the platform, screeching to a halt.

I couldn't hear it, but I could _see _him sigh, his shoulders lifting dropping with it. I stood rooted to place, trying to ignore the train and pretend it wasn't there.

He nodded toward the car. "Better get going," he said. After a moment, he added, "Get home safe."

I wanted to beg him to tell me what he was going to say. Instead, I said, "I will. See you tomorrow."

As I walked to the train, I could sense his eyes on me. I hopped aboard and reached for the support pole, turning around. When the train lurched to start, Eric was still on the platform, watching as the train sped up and whipped through the city.

I leaned my head on the pole, regretting my idiocy of telling him not to bother seeing me home. That offer, coming from Eric, was not likely to come again.

_Remember that time you were a huge jackass?_ I thought mournfully, and smacked my forehead lightly against the metal pole.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This one goes out to Zizi385, who wanted an update for her birthday tomorrow. Enjoy, toots! And thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited and reviewed so far. My Muse loooooooves Eric, so she wants me to write, write, write. Btw, if there is anything confusing that I write because it seems to be different than what's in the books, please let me know. As I mentioned, I have NOT read the books, but I have done research. But mostly I'm making up the minute details of daily life as I go about it, so, some of it might seem weird. It's probably not important to the main story line, but I still want to know if I need to correct anything! Thanks!**

**Chapter 4**

I was the one waiting on Dri with breakfast the next morning.

She came in about fifteen minutes later than usual, and I covered my mouth to hide a smile. She looked like she'd ended up having one hell of a night, her brown eyes circled dark and her curls even wilder than normal.

"Morning, Sunshine," I chirped at her, just to be as annoying as possible.

She gave me a dark look. "Coffee."

I pushed a mug of black toward her quickly and she held it in both hands. "One too many Dell's Specials, huh?" I asked sympathetically.

"It was a good night," she promised. "But yes. I lost track after…five? Six?"

"Dri," I said in a hushed voice.

"I know. But it was great. What I can remember, anyway. Something involving a blonde." Her eyes focused in on me. "I do seem to recall _you_ being the little cowgirl. Way to protect a lady's virtue and all that."

I cleared my throat. "Well. You looked like you needed the back up."

"Didn't hurt," she said. "But I _was_ about to take my shoes off and then use my knees to block his windpipe though, before you showed up."

"Should I apologize?"

"To me? Yes. You spoiled my fun."

I chuckled. "Sorry. I guess I misinterpreted what was going on. It felt good to break that fuckface's nose, though. He sliced me with a beer bottle. I mean, how uninspired. You'd think we all didn't know a thousand ways more creative than that to mess someone up." I pointed to my bandaged upper arm, the white flashing through the sheerness of my long-sleeved black top.

"Oh, _yeah_," she said, her eyes widening. "I'd forgotten about that. Didn't –" She snapped her fingers. "Eric intervened, right? I just remember he came out of nowhere and took that guy down like it was no thang."

"He did," I said.

"Hey. Now that I think of it, you two were talking before you came over. And then you two left together." Her brows wiggled mischievously. "Do I need to say, 'you're welcome'?"

"No," I replied. "Unless I'm supposed to thank you for getting chewed out."

"What?" she asked, sounding really disappointed. "Why? What happened? I thought I was helping you out. He could literally not take his eyes off you last night, and it looked like you guys were kinda flirting there for a while. Or something."

"We were decidedly not flirting," I informed her. "He was insulting my dress and then being his usual sarcastic self. He asked me to go talk to him in private, but I was about to say no, because he pissed me off. Then I saw you and went over and started hitting people."

"Sounds like you used me as an out," Dri said. "Because the more I think about it, I swear I saw him, like, all up in this region." She gestured to her ear, jaw and neck. "Right? He had his hand on your back."

The memory flashed through me, his warm hand on my skin and his deep voice in my ear, and that intoxicating fragrance he wore making my head swim. "I thought you were drunk," I said irritably.

"I have an outstanding memory for things involving people potentially getting laid. Especially people who desperately, desperately need it. To be clear, both of you fall into that category."

"Thanks. And, yes. He did lean over to speak to me. And, yes. It might have gotten to me a little. He's very…domineering with his presence sometimes. I may have needed a breather."

"Chicken-shit," Dri said, shaking her head. She sipped her coffee. "Now I'm determined to make it happen between you two."

"Oh, you are?" I said, amused. "Good luck. Between me and him, you will have your hands full trying to get us to pull our heads out of our asses." I toyed with my fork, poking at a piece of scrambled egg. "He…he offered to take me home last night."

"Take you _home?"_ Dri repeated, her eyes huge. A grin played at the corners of her mouth. "What –"

"Not like that. I guess I mean, he offered to _see_ me home."

"Wait." She set her mug down and shook her head. "As in, escort you home? To make sure you got there safely?" She chuckled. "Which part did he miss – the part where you used your thumb and index finger to sprain that guy's wrist, or the part where you broke his face with four knuckles?"

I smiled. "That's why I told him not to bother. But then I got to thinking…was I being an idiot? Like, was that supposed to mean something else?"

"I think what he meant was, he wanted to go home with you and fuck you senseless all night long," Dri said delicately, taking a sip of her coffee. "In my humble opinion. And….you told him no." She snorted, then giggled. Then the giggle turned into a chuckle, which then evolved into full-on peals of laughter.

She was so loud other people started looking over at us. "All right, already," I said dryly.

"I'm sorry." She coughed and waved her hand. "The guy of your wet dreams pretty much asks you to go home with him, and you're all 'oh, hey! No, thanks. I'd rather just skulk in the corner like a creep with my crush on you.'" She tilted her head back and laughed some more. "If you weren't my best friend and I didn't love you dearly, I would say that you have earned your horny loneliness. You're _thick_, babe."

I sighed. I couldn't even get mad at her. "I know. Thank you for pointing that out, _Candor._"

She shrugged and smiled.

Just then, Max appeared on the balcony overlooking the hall. "Listen up, people," he called. "We have received word from Erudite that a possible Factionless cell has stockpiled some weapons and is planning an assault on our faction. I need a group of volunteers who are willing to go follow up on it. We need to confirm whether there are any weapons, and we need to eliminate any potential threats. Four and Eric will lead the team." He looked around. "No initiates. Full-fledged Dauntless only. Who wants to go?"

Two people immediately stood up. Two more were slower to get to their feet.

Max nodded. "Thank you. Please see Eric and Four after you eat. If anyone else decides they want to go, get with those two. You move out in two hours. Initiates, you will meet in the Pit as scheduled for training. I'm giving the lecture today."

I glanced at Dri. "You're all about missions. I'm surprised you weren't standing on the table."

Dri shook her head. "Not this morning. I'm afraid I don't know how to quietly vomit and I really don't want to be that girl that got the team made because of her retching noises." She ran a hand through her hair. "No, I'm playing hooky today."

I shook my head. "Lazy-ass."

"Yep." She patted my hand. "Rather be lazy than dumb like some people I know. Thanks for the coffee. I'm going to bed." She blew me a little kiss and then headed off.

I finished my breakfast, thinking about the mission. It had been a while since I'd seen any action – in more ways than one, I supposed – and I thought this would be as good a time as any to get some. Besides, if it turned out to be anything like the patrol mission from the other day, I wanted to be close by. Just in case.

I went to the infirmary to pack up a field medical kit, something that contained the essentials but would be easy to transport. I was zipping it closed when I heard knuckles rapping on the door. I turned, and Eric was there. He was wearing his field gear but holding his vest in his hand.

"Do you _want_ me to get infected and have to get my arm amputated?" he asked, by way of greeting, sauntering into the room and helping himself to a seat on the exam table. "Again, I thought you were supposed to be a nurse."

I looked at him darkly. "I apologize. I didn't see you this morning."

"Well, I'm here now," he said lightly. "And in a hurry. We're moving out soon."

I cut off the old bandage and checked on the stitches. Still intact and the wound looked good, no signs of infection. I cleaned it carefully and wrapped his arm in a fresh bandage.

"I know. I'm going to come, too," I told him, tying up the ends and snipping off the excess.

"No, you're not," he replied immediately.

I felt a surge of annoyance. "I'm sorry. That wasn't a request for permission. It was a statement of fact."

"And I'm stating in an equally factual manner that you won't be coming with us."

"You're not my superior," I pointed out. "So I can go if I want to. Max asked for volunteers, and I'm volunteering. So that's that."

"First of all, based simply on our individual job duties and rank structure within this faction, I am absolutely your superior, and you know that. As for Max, he also put me and Four in charge of this mission, which means it's our discretion to determine which of the volunteers actually goes," he retorted. "Besides, we already have a full team. We don't need anyone else."

"You need a medic," I pointed out. "And you don't have one on your team. And I know that because I _am_ the only field-trained medic at Dauntless."

He only looked at me. He hopped off the table and put on his vest. "Thanks for the clean-up, Jayce," he said evenly. "I'm sure you have a busy day of tattooing to get to. I'll see you back here when we return." He said it pointedly, like there was no room for discussion, and then walked out of the room.

"That's what you think," I muttered.

* * *

><p>I made sure I was on the train before anyone else, decked out in my field gear. I was checking my weapon for the third time when the other team members came on board. I exchanged nods of camaraderie with them.<p>

Wils grinned at me. "Lady J! Been a long time since I've seen you in field gear. Anyone ever tell you, you look hot with a weapon?"

"Shut up, Wils," I said with a laugh. "I'm just here because I needed some exercise."

"Doubt we'll see any action today," Bria spoke up. "I just wanted to get out of the compound myself."

"You can see some action in my apartment later, if you want," Wils said with a wink. Everyone laughed.

I suppressed a little smile of glee when Eric and Four finally boarded. Eric's face immediately went blank, but I could see he was pissed. Well, good. Served him right for trying to give me orders.

"J," Four said in surprise as the train lurched into motion. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"Oh?" I said, then feigned a look of concern at Eric. "You didn't tell him I was coming? You must have forgotten."

He glared at me, then turned to the rest of the team. "Okay, listen up. We're heading outside the common Factionless area into the remnants of the city. We have limited intel from Erudite –"

"What a fucking surprise," Wils muttered.

Eric shot him a look that silenced him. "– and need to be prepared for anything. I would say that the chances of a problem are low, considering it's the Factionless, but we saw how that went the other day. So make sure your straps are clean and in operating order, because we simply can't afford any misfires if it comes down to it, and that you have ample ammunition. Our objective is to take with us whatever we can find that indicates that the Factionless are amassing for a major uprising. That means weapons, ammo, supplies, plans, anything. We take it and we give it to Erudite. We clear on the objective?"

There was a chorus of "rogers" all around. We were quiet as the train sped along, taking us beyond our little wall of safety into the unknown. I felt a familiar rush of adrenaline, and welcomed it.

It had been too long since I'd been here.

I felt eyes on me and looked right at Eric. He was watching me, still look pissed off. He caught my eye and slowly shook his head. I lifted my chin defiantly, and shrugged.

When we arrived at our location, we silently exited the train, immediately taking formations. Half went with Four, who was point, and half went with Eric, who was also point. Four's group split off to explore one part of the abandoned building we'd been directed to, while Eric's group went to explore the other side. We moved along in a tight formation with Eric, double-timing to the back entrance of the building. He used hand signals to direct team members to take flank positions. I remained behind him, and he looked over his shoulder at me.

"Got your six," I whispered.

He _still_ looked pissed off, but nodded curtly. We crept into the building, taking slow, cautious steps. I walked backward on the balls of my feet carefully, sweeping the area behind us as we moved through the building. I'd thought it was a multi-level building from the outside, but inside it was actually an enormous warehouse. And there were wooden crates, old furniture, old cars, and lots of miscellaneous and very random things everywhere. All of it looked extremely old, however, and none of it appeared to really be what we were looking for.

We swept our section for a good hour, and still only covered a fraction of the space. Eric finally got frustrated and motioned for all of us to huddle together near a stack of crates.

"This is pointless," he whispered. "We need to break up. Wils, Bria – you guys head left. Jayce and I will head right. Then break up from there so we can cover more ground."

"Roger that," Wils said, and he and Bria moved off to the left.

Eric and I moved silently to the right, where the building opened up even more. I switched on the flashlight that was mounted on my rifle to see better in the dim.

The warehouse was so big that I couldn't hear anything from the other team members who spread out across the building.

"We should have brought another team," I whispered to Eric.

"Yeah, well, we didn't."

"Didn't you know the layout of the building?"

He stopped to look at me. "If I had known, do you think we would have only come with two teams? Erudite only gave us the location, not the blueprint."

"That seems a little odd," I said. "Given that they're our intelligence center, after all. You would think that they'd provide a map at least."

"Well, they didn't, did they?" Eric snapped in a whisper. "Look, just be quiet, okay? You shouldn't even be here anyway. I don't need you distracting me from my mission."

"Our mission," I corrected, "and why? Is it the fact that I'm questioning your precious Erudite that's bothering you, or that I'm voicing what I _know _you're thinking?"

"I don't give a shit about Erudite," he shot back. "I'm _Dauntless_. Period. I do what they say. I don't question it."

"But you want to," I said. "You _are_."

He turned around and rose to his full height. "I'm a soldier. Not a rebel. I accept what Erudite tells me and I do my duty. Period. Jayce, go look over there. Now. And that is most definitely a fucking order."

I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head. "Yes, sir," I said formally. I turned away and headed for a section of the warehouse in the direction he was pointing. Eric's appreciation for his old faction was apparent. There were lots of Erudite qualities about him that he'd never really shaken, because he he'd been born into them. But the way he jumped to their defense – or the way he bothered to not point out their shortcomings – really irked me.

I checked out the area. It was pretty nondescript. I shined my flashlight around, sweeping it over a junk heap that had once been a truck, a mound of trash that had long since rotted out, and a barrel of dusty old boxes of dehydrated food. I noted the dust and dirt on the floor as my light swept on over a few plain wooden crates.

Suddenly I snapped it back.

On the floor about five feet from the crates was a track of clean concrete. The track ended at the two plain crates I had just seen.

Tilting my head curiously, I went over to investigate. I ran my fingers over the wood. It was almost smooth, and it had a fresh, woodsy smell to it.

It was new.

I pulled the light off my rifle and set the weapon down. I popped the light between my teeth and pulled my field knife from a pocket in my pants. I flicked it open and wedged it beneath the lid of the crate. It was nailed down, so it required some patience and a lot of elbow grease to get it to pop open. When it did I yanked it back, and looked down, feeling a mix of triumph and fear course through me at the same time.

The crate was full of guns, weapons, and ammunition.

"Shit," I whispered. I turned to the other crate, repeating the process of popping off the lid, and found more of the same in that one.

I looked over my shoulder in Eric's general direction. I couldn't make him out from where I was; the light was too dim, and he must have moved further away.

"Got something," I hissed into the darkness, wishing we'd been mic'd up. "Eric. Over here."

I waited a beat; nothing but silence. I'd have to go get him. I slid the lids back into place off of general principle and crept off to find him.

I saw him about a dozen yards away and opened my mouth to call out. I shut it with a snap when I saw a long shadow emerge from between a stack of old crates right behind him.

The man was wearing dirty Amity garb and was carrying a rifle a lot like ours. And he was moving with all the stealth and silence that would have made a Dauntless proud. He crept up behind Eric, lifting the rifle to point at the back of his head.

_Shit. Do something!_

In a flash I took him in and my mind went strategic. _He's tall. Got at least a foot, maybe more, of height on you, about fifty more pounds. Got to take him down before taking him out. Do it fast, break his neck. No. Don't kill him – we need him alive for questioning. Move now move fast._

It only took an instant.

I stalked silently toward them, using a wall of crates at my back as cover. I heard the man speak.

"Stop right there, you Dauntless piece of shit, before I blow your brains out."

I saw Eric freeze as I moved up silently behind the man. And knowing Eric like I did, I knew he was far more pissed off about being caught unawares than he was about his life being in danger.

The man yanked the slide back on his rifle, the sound of metal scraping metal making an imposing sound, one meant to intimidate. My body tensed. Now that I was closer, I got a much better feeling for how much taller than me he was.

"Now, drop your weapon and show me your hands."

"Show me yours," I said, and the man turned in surprise.

Swiftly, I executed a sharp roundhouse kick to the back of his knees and he crumbled like a house of cards. He was still holding his weapon but was at a height I could work with and in the blink of an eye I swung the barrel of my rifle against the back of his head.

He was out like a light.

Immediately I straddled him, using zip-ties to bind his wrists and ankles, in case he woke up and wanted to get feisty.

"You could have shot him," Eric said sourly.

"Yeah, you're totally welcome for saving your life," I sniped back. "Anytime."

"I mean it. You should have taken him out."

"Intelligence, Eric," I replied. "We need answers, and he's probably got some." I tugged on the ties, testing their durability. "If he wakes up before we get him back to Dauntless, he's not going anywhere. Trust me."

Eric merely turned to go retrieve his weapon, and once our prisoner was hog-tied to my satisfaction, I dragged him over to rest against a large crate in an unconscious heap.

"Now, I found something," I said. "Come with me."

I led him over to my discovery, watching as his eyes widened as he took in the two crates of weapons. "Holy fuck," he muttered. He pressed a button on the radio on his vest. "Four, we got something. Over."

A beat of silence, and then a little burst of static. "Copy that. We found weapons on the east side of the building. Nothing else. Over."

Eric glanced at me. "Copy that. We also have a prisoner. He's unconscious and hog-tied, thanks to Lady J. Over."

"Copy. Gather up your findings. We've found enough to satisfy Erudite, I think. Let's head back. Over."

"Roger that. Out."

He clicked off his radio just as Wils and Bria joined us.

"Whoa," Wils said, staring at the crates.

"Double whoa," Bria added, pointing to the unconscious Factionless. "Who's that?"

"He attacked us," Eric said. "Jayce took him out. She wants to bring him home like a stray cat."

"For intelligence," I said, shooting him a look.

"We found some dollies back there," WIls said, thumbing over his shoulder. "We'll need them to get the crates out of here."

"Go grab them," Eric said with a nod. He looked at me and Bria. "You two can carry the Factionless out. Since you want to take him back so bad."

I ignored Eric, and Bria helped me get the man off the ground. She held his shoulders and I took his legs and we shuffled awkwardly out of the warehouse.

"Damn, he's heavy," she complained. "I hope he sings like a canary to make this all worthwhile."

"Me, too," I muttered.

We opted to set him down as we waited for the rest of the team. Four and his team emerged, pushing three dollies' worth of crates that were exactly like the ones I'd found. Then Eric and Wils walked out, the two crates in tow.

"That," Bria murmured, "is a hell of a lot of weaponry. And this is all…for the Factionless?"

"It doesn't make sense," I murmured. Then I just blurted it out. "I think Erudite knows a lot more than they're letting on."

"What?" Bria said, her eyes wide. "But why would they do that? What makes you say that?"

I regretted it immediately, even though I still believed it. "Nothing. I – I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just…pissed off. Let's get this guy on board."

Bria and I loaded our prisoner on the train, then jumped down to help out the rest of the team load the crates. They were so heavy, they took every set of hands to lift onto the train.

I stood back, watching Eric, Four and Wils struggle with the last crate. It was one of those situations where I wanted to help, but it was clear I'd just be in the way if I tried, so I stood behind them, making sure no one dropped their side.

They almost did when the sudden sound of gunfire pierced the air.

"Shit!" Four yelled.

Immediately I whipped around, my rifle up in the air, and I ran toward the noise. I grabbed cover behind a gutted, abandoned car that was about twenty-five yards from the train, and swept my rifle all around, trying to locate the source. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing them still struggling with the crate, and now Wils was bent over at the waist, clutching his side.

"Wils!" I screamed, whipping back around and sending a random spray of bullets in the direction of the noise.

"I'm okay!" he panted. "Vest stopped it. I think."

_Fuckshitfuck._

There was a blast of return fire, and I caught sight of the muzzle flash. There, from the supposedly abandoned building's roof. _Bastards. _

I scowled and raised my rifle, peering through the scope, and fired back. The figure ducked, then popped back up.

I reloaded my rifle, risking a glance back over my shoulder. The crate was almost in place on the train. I turned back around, laying down more cover fire. My aim was to pick off that shooter on the roof before I left. I saw red.

"_Jayce! _Let's go! _Now!_"

It was Eric. I sent another blast toward the roof and felt a surge of triumph when I saw the shooter go down. I got up and took off toward the train as fast as I could. Suddenly, more bullets peppered the ground near my feet and I kicked my legs into high gear. Based on the direction of the bullets, this was a different shooter.

Eric was on the train ledge, leaning out, his arm extended. A bullet tore into the wall of the train car next to him.

_Too close too close!_

I skidded to a stop a dozen feet from the train and turned, holding my finger down on the trigger and sending a long spray in the direction of the new shooter. Before I could release the trigger, I heard a returning blast and the air suddenly left my body as something slammed into my chest full force, knocking me back about five feet onto my ass. My head smacked painfully against the pavement and my vision instantly went fuzzy. My mouth fell open, my lungs trying to pull for air, but there was none for me to take.

Suddenly large, rough hands hooked under my arms and around my body, grabbing me and hauling me off my feet. I got a case of vertigo as I was lifted up and thrown around. It took a moment for me to realize Eric had scooped me up and thrown me over his shoulder. He grabbed my rifle from the ground in his other hand, sent a spray of cover fire, and then started running for all he was worth, catching up to the train that was starting to pull off. I heard the voices of my team screaming at us to hurry and shut my eyes.

_There's no way we'll make it. Train's going too fast. _

Eric proved to be just fast enough, however, and I got more vertigo as he leapt onto the train, throwing me unceremoniously to floor as the train hit its high cruising speed. I finally sucked in some air, and my chest throbbed with an excruciating ache.

_I'm hit_, I thought frantically, my fingers scrabbling uselessly at my vest. "I'm hit, I'm hit!"

"Calm down," Eric's voice said, and then he was there, looming over me. He pushed me flat onto my back and swung a leg over me to straddle my body. Expertly he stripped off my vest and then there was the firm pressure of his fingertips all over my chest, probing for a wound. They slid down to my sternum and over my heart, searching there. Normally I would have been pretty embarrassed, since this act involved him touching my breasts, but my head ached almost as much as my chest and I was too out of it to care. I felt sleepy but knew I had to stay awake, so I focused on his face. It held its usual stone mask but his eyes were urgent, alert, and focused. I watched as his jaw clenched and released, and I noticed a tendon standing out in his neck and realized he was agitated beyond belief.

I could see Four in my peripheral. "No entry wound. Vest must have stopped it. Close range though, better check for broken bones. She's probably concussed, too."

"Field medic _would_ be the one to get fucked up," Eric muttered, giving me an angry flash of his eyes before focusing on my chest again.

He gave up trying to see anything through my thick black shirt, and reached down, yanking it up to my chin. I only had a black sports bra underneath but he ignored that, his hands running lightly down my torso, over my waist. Then I felt his fingers gently press the spot on my chest that ached horribly and I groaned in pain, trying to push his hand away and twist away from him. He easily kept me on my back, and I looked up at him with pain-filled eyes. Finally, he gave Four a humorless half-smirk.

"Nothing broken, just a bruise that's going to hurt like a son of a bitch for a while," he said. He pulled my shirt back down and got off me. "Just stay down there," he said to me, his voice sort of gentle and hard at the same time. There was an unmistakable note of warning in his voice. "Don't get up until we get back."

I had a feeling I was in trouble again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The ride back to Dauntless felt like it took forever.

My head ached increasingly, matching time with the rhythmic throbbing of my chest. I'd been shot before, of course, the vest stopping it, but I'd never taken one to the chest and it _hurt_. That coupled with the fact that had I _not _been wearing a vest, I'd be dead now, was making me feel borderline ill.

Eric made me stay sprawled on the floor of the train. I tried to get up to check on Wils but he gave me a stern look and told me that if I tried to get up again I'd find myself bound up in my own zip ties. Wils assured me he was fine – he pulled off his vest and lifted his shirt, showing me his side. It was bruised like mine, but there was no hole or blood. I smiled at him in relief.

I was also starting to get drowsy. Until the doctor could check me out and determine if I was really concussed and to what degree, I knew that I should not go to sleep. However, my eyes were suddenly so droopy, my body begging for rest, that I kept nodding off.

"Hey," Eric said from above, where he stood next to me. "Jayce. Knock it off."

I jerked, realizing I'd been falling asleep, blinked and cleared my throat, and promptly started dozing off again.

"Jayce. Stop it. C'mon." He nudged me with the toe of his boot. "You have to stay awake."

The rest of the ride back to Dauntless was exactly like that – me dozing off, and Eric poking me with his boot and chiding me. Once the train stopped, he and Wils each pulled one of my arms over their shoulders and carried me off to the infirmary. Four stayed behind to speak to Max about what had happened, what we had managed to do and accomplish, and show him our spoils.

Once I was in the infirmary, Eric got the doctor and then sent Wils away. He stood in the doorway as the doctor looked me over, his arms folded over his chest. He was silent and sullen, and kept shooting me dark looks. Every time I would meet his eyes, he would scowl at me.

"Minor concussion," the doctor said, patting my knee. "Bed rest for tonight. Fluids. Relaxation. Think you can manage that?"

I nodded meekly.

"Eric, can you see her home?" the doctor asked. "She really shouldn't go unsupervised."

"Yes," Eric replied in a clipped tone.

I was halfway tempted to tell the doctor that I'd rather take my chances on my own than be subject to Eric's scowls and lectures all the way home, but Eric walked toward the table and silently helped me down. I lived within only ten minutes from the main Dauntless compound by foot, but today I'd be taking the train home. Eric climbed aboard with me, watching me through narrowed eyes.

"Just come out with it already," I said wearily, pressing my fingers to my temple. "I'm sick of you sitting there glaring at me and not saying anything."

"Nah," he said. "I'll wait until you've rested some and can fully comprehend what I want to say to you."

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.

Once off the train, he insisted on walking me to my door. He didn't touch me, but I could sense him almost hovering over me, as if he expected me to keel over at any moment. I refused to give him that satisfaction.

He waited until I had unlocked my door, leaning against my wall. He looked at me. "Are you going to be all right? Seriously."

"I've taken harder punches in bar fights," I said listlessly. "As for my head, same story. I just need some rest."

"All right," he replied evenly. "Go to sleep, now that the doctor's cleared you. I'll be back to check on you later."

The last part sounded ominous. I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks."

Eric nodded once and turned to walk off down the hall.

I stared after him for a moment, watching him walk away. Then I went inside and went to bed.

* * *

><p>His sense of timing was uncanny.<p>

It was about ten o'clock, and I'd been awake for a while, but just unwilling to get out of bed. I finally got up to take a shower, figuring I could at least do that much to prep for returning to work tomorrow morning

I finished blow drying my long ebony mane, and was running a boar bristle brush through it, making it shiny. I examined my face; I looked pale and had dark circles under my eyes, and that bruise on my chest was a hideous maroon color. I brushed my fingertips over it and winced at the immediate burst of pain. The entire upper portion of my chest ached. Reaching out or up for things brought on a serious ache and stretching was out of the question for now.

With my hair out of the way, I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I shivered a little; my studio floor plan didn't do much in the way of providing insulation from the windy Chicago chill, and my heater hadn't been working properly for a couple of weeks now. My landlord had promised that he would fix it, but somehow hadn't gotten around to it.

I pulled my oversize tattered sweater around me tighter. Since I'd been in bed, I only had on a cropped black camisole and black yoga pants beneath it, but now wished I had something more substantial. I wanted a blanket.

I shivered, waiting for my tea to steep. It was a cup of my nighttime favorite, mint-jasmine-chamomile. It smelled so soothingly, and tasted so fresh, and warmed me from the inside, that lulling me back to sleep was, in Dri's words, "no thang".

I picked up my steaming mug in both hands, enjoying the heat, and started padding across the room toward my bed. I only had on a lamp on my nightstand, and I scurried toward it like it was a little beacon of hope in an otherwise dark world. I set my mug on my nightstand after taking a luxurious sip, and then dove into my plush covers, yanking them over my head.

Then I groaned out loud when I heard a knock on my door.

"Really?" I grumbled to myself. I knew who it was. I had actually hoped that he'd forgotten about me over the course of the day but apparently, he was really eager to hear himself berate me for my actions today. Which baffled me, because I only did what we were trained to do.

I threw the covers back when the knock turned obnoxious – a steady, slow tattoo of knuckles repeatedly on the door. I stomped across the room to the door and threw it open.

"Yes?" I said sharply.

He'd at some point changed out of his field gear, wearing only a plain, snug-fitting black T-shirt, black pants and his ever-present black leather vest. I'd always suspected that vest had actually once been a coat, based on its length, and the sleeves had gotten cut away. Not that I was complaining; any chance I got to see his fantastic arms and tattoos was one I heartily welcomed.

"Good evening," he with false formality. "As promised, I'm here to check on you. Your friend Dri made me bring this." He held up a sack with some food in it. "She put chocolate cake in here, among other things. She mentioned you'd be wanting that first."

I snatched the sack. "Thanks. That was nice of you to bring this. Much appreciated. If there's nothing else, I'm pretty tired –"

He stopped the door closing with his foot. "Not so fast. It's time for our little chat."

I sighed. "Eric, I'm just not in the mood."

"Ask me if I care." He looked pointedly over my shoulder, then gestured impatiently inside my apartment. "Could you step aside so I can come in?"

There was no getting out of it now. I sighed again, loudly, and moved so he could enter. I shut the door behind him and carried my sack to the kitchen. I looked longingly at the foil-wrapped package on top, a very generous size, and then sat down on a stool at the bar, folding my arms.

He leaned on the back of a chair at the table directly across from me. "You need to know that what you did today was a directly and willfully disobeying an order."

I frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded. "The enemy was shooting at us, Eric. What was I supposed to do – tap-dance for them and hope that they would stop? Not to mention, at no point did anyone tell me to cease fire –"

"I'm talking about you even being there in the first place," he said slowly, as if he were speaking to an idiot or a child. "I told you not to come. I _ordered _you not to come."

"Well," I said sarcastically, "what's neat about that is that I don't take orders from you. So, therefore, I wasn't issued an order."

"We've been over this," Eric replied, his tone clipped. "I am your superior and you do – and _will _– take orders from me. Perhaps you'd like to verify that with Max. And then you can explain why you seem to think you're above the rules in Dauntless."

"I don't think I'm above the rules," I said. "I just don't believe that every one is right, all the time, every time."

He gaped at me. "How can you possibly function within this faction with that way of thinking? Did you learn nothing in training? Nothing over your years here? You're not even a transfer. You were born into this faction."

I got up from the stool. "What exactly is the problem here, Eric?" I demanded. "Because from where I'm sitting, you're not pissed off because I got hurt. You're pissed off because I didn't listen to _your _orders. You already have the whole of Dauntless afraid of you, and all of the initiates practically piss themselves whenever you come around. What more do you want? Or is your ego really that big?"

He frowned and leaned in, getting in my face. "I don't need anyone stroking my ego – I know who I am, what I am, and what I'm capable of. I'm in a position of leadership for a reason – I get things done, and I get them done efficiently, period. That includes executing missions successfully with a minimum of casualties. And you were a casualty today, Jayce, all because you're stubborn and apparently, rather childish since you can't bear to take no for an answer."

"I'm childish because I don't like people telling me what to do?" I snapped. "Listen, Eric, I appreciate that you operate off a minimum of risk, but things could have gone way worse today. Had I not ignored your _orders_, you would have gone into a hostile environment without a field medic, not to mention the proper backup, which we didn't have anyway."

"Yes, the same field medic who was the only one who really got hurt," Eric said snidely. "Had you not felt the need to be Rambo, we would have been on that train and safely gone."

"Rambo?" I squawked. "That is truly insulting, especially because you almost got your hand blown off. Not to mention the Factionless who got the drop on you earlier. Or are we not talking about that because it can't go on your stellar record for perfection?"

Eric frowned. "He may have gotten the drop on me, but he certainly wouldn't have survived, I can guarantee you that."

I threw up my hands. "Unbelievable. I saved your life, and instead of thanking me, you tell me how you could have done it better. And again, that's why it was a good thing I was there, at least – we now have a live prisoner capable of providing information. You would have just killed him and left his body there and we would still be in the same place we are now."

"Is that what you're looking for, Jayce?" Eric said, getting to his feet now. He towered over me, but I refused to be intimidated. "Thanks? For what – for disobeying a direct command? Sorry, you're not going to get it."

"What exactly is your problem here?" I demanded for the second time. "Because it's still sounding like you're mad because I ignored Big Bad Eric, Most Feared and Revered Dauntless Leader –"

"You could have been _killed _today, Jayce!"

His bellowing shout echoed off the hard walls of my apartment in the seconds of absolute silence that followed it. I had never heard him get this angry or loud before, and it startled me into shutting my mouth with a pop. I stared at him.

His eyes blazed with fury. "You could have been _killed_. Had you not been wearing that vest, we'd be having _your _funeral right now. We'd be 'celebrating your life'. The third Dauntless to die in almost as many days – I'm tired of burying Dauntless. My _problem_, as you have insultingly diminished it to being, is that you don't seem to have any regard for rules which are in place to _protect _you. You disobeyed an order to not participate in a mission. When the enemy engaged us, your main focus became trying to take them out, as opposed to leaving as quickly as possible – you prevented us from leaving as well. We were in _their_ territory, Jayce – don't forget that. Then instead of engaging them from a position of cover with backup to assist you, you left it to take them on in the open, with no cover, no protection. And the only thing that kept you alive today was your vest." He reached out and poked my bruise, causing me to recoil in pain.

His eyes were hard. "Hurt, didn't it? _Good. _Every single time you feel pain from that bruise, you should thank God for it, because without it you'd be dead. And you only have yourself to blame for it." He stared at me, shaking his head. Then he stepped away. "That's all. I'm done here. I'm leaving."

As he turned to walk away, I felt my eyes fill with tears and it made me angry at myself, and at him. "I wasn't being some irresponsible cowgirl," I said in a shaking voice. "I was trying to save you."

He stopped in his tracks, and I saw his shoulders square, his fists clenching at his sides. "Save me? The only thing I needed saving from was your foolishness."

He started walking toward the door again, and something made me go after him. When he opened the door I reached around him and shoved it closed. He looked down at me, his face a stone mask, one eyebrow lifted.

"Sure," I said rapidly. "You don't need saving. You don't need protection, because you're _Eric_. Maybe if I hadn't been there, it'd be _your _funeral we'd be holding."

His lips pursed into a mirthless smirk. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

The thought of it, of watching his body fall, of seeing it in a coffin, hearing Max speak about him in the past-tense, of forcing myself to go to a party to celebrate his life, of continuing on in an existence without his frustrating and beloved presence made my eyes refill again. And what hurt the most was that he actually said it.

"No," I said, intending it to come out normally, but it came out as a whisper. "God, no. Eric, you can't say shit like that to me."

He went perfectly still. "Then why do you think it would be any easier for any of us to have to do the same for you? Why do you care so much about saving my life? You want me to be indebted to you or something?"

I looked up at him, wondering why he seemed to be going out of his way to hurt me. His eyes searched mine intently, picking up the pool of tears in them from the glow of the lamp.

"No," I replied tremulously. "I care because – I care about you."

"Why?" he asked again, his jaw clenching.

I looked up at him helplessly. _Please don't make me say this out loud. _"I do," I said hoarsely. "Because – because –"

He stared down at me, his nostrils flaring slightly. Then, without warning, he grabbed me roughly, pushing me against the door.

For a second I was terrified, and expected him to start ripping me to shreds. But the sudden sensation of his mouth on mine, warm, hungry, moist, shocked me and for a second I thought I was going to pass out.

I could hear his ragged breath softly in my ears as his mouth moved rapidly, feverishly, over mine. My body moved faster than my mind though, because I realized I had been kissing him back long before I was aware that was what I was doing. His hands were everywhere – wrapped around me, touching my waist, squeezing my hips, sliding up to tangle in my hair.

I opened my mouth under his and was instantly rewarded with the feel of his tongue, sliding right into my mouth like it belonged there and stroking against my tongue. The initial fervor with which he'd started kissing me had slowed down a little, and he was taking my mouth in a slow, almost luxurious way, like he had all the time in the world.

I could feel his heart beating fast through his chest, right against mine. I could smell his cologne and his natural scent mixing together and it filled up every centimeter in my head. I could feel his body heat, the strength of his arms around me, and the pressure of his body pressing right up against mine.

My hands slid up his arms, unable to resist squeezing him there, feeling all of that hard, well-developed muscle, before they slid up his shoulders to cup the back of his head and bring him even closer to me. Our mouths had never stopped moving together since they'd started, the need for air secondary to the need to feel each other.

I could hardly believe that this was happening. I'd wanted Eric for so long, and had fantasized about what this could be like. And the real thing was so much better than anything I could have imagined that it made me want to weep with gratitude.

I felt one of his hands slide down my body, reaching under my sweater, and touching the bare skin he found there, exposed from the cropped cami I was wearing underneath. His hand slid around to my back, moving higher underneath the flimsy garment, his fingers stroking up my spine. Meanwhile, his lips left mine, burning a trail from my mouth to my chin to my jaw and down the side of my neck. He tugged on my hair gently to make my tilt my head back, exposing the column of my throat, and his lips softly explored that part of me before going lower.

I felt his lips brush my bruise with all the softness of a feather. The extremely sensitive skin tingled at the caress, but there was no pain. Or if there was, I was incapable of feeling it. In that moment, I was incapable of feeling anything but pleasure.

He lifted his head and returned his mouth to mine. His lips pulled languidly at my bottom lip, and the tips of our tongues caressed one another. One hand stroked the strands of my hair while the other cupped my face.

"Eric," I murmured against his mouth.

And then the feverish moment was gone.

He broke away from me abruptly, his chest heaving. He looked at me.

"Eric?" I repeated, this time a concerned question.

"I – we shouldn't have done that," he muttered. "I'm sorry, Jayce."

He reached around me, gently pushing me aside as he opened the door. I was so taken aback I couldn't even protest.

"Eric –" I said again.

"Good night," he said, not looking at me, and then left, the sound of the door slamming behind him reverberating through my empty apartment, and my head.

* * *

><p>I had yet another sleepless night because of Eric.<p>

After he left I stayed by the door for so long I lost track of time. My mind was whirling with thoughts and confusion. I couldn't believe that he had kissed me – and I couldn't believe that he'd just left. His mouth was the most amazing thing I'd ever felt, ever tasted, and it wasn't just some kiss because I was a woman and he was there. It was real – there was emotion, need, and some of that desperation I'd caught in his eyes a time or three. I'd responded with every ounce of my own desire for him – so what had made him just _leave_?

Finally I got up, went to the kitchen and moodily demolished the giant piece of chocolate cake that Dri had sent over. She'd also sent over a baked potato, a hamburger and some vegetables, but this was a situation that demanded chocolate cake.

When I finished the cake, I remained sitting at the table, one hand propped under my chin. I just didn't get it. He wanted what had happened – and based on what I had felt pressing up against me, he wanted more than that, too. And I was more than willing to give it to him, all of it – but he'd rejected me.

The more I thought of it, the angrier I got. I didn't appreciate being a warm body to him, and if he'd just gotten caught in the moment, in the heat of our argument, he should be man enough to say so. I loved him, and what had happened between us had meant everything to me. The fact that he could so casually brush me off and then just leave without so much as a high-level explanation was hurtful, not to mention disrespectful. I wasn't the sort of person that went around toying with people's emotions. And I was deeply thankful that I hadn't blurted out what I'd been so tempted to say – "I love you, Eric." That was information I clearly couldn't trust him with.

I went to bed two hours before I needed to wake up, full of piss and vinegar, and I planned to corner him as soon as I saw him and demand an explanation.

I was still so mad when I woke up that I didn't even feel the lack of sleep or the ache in my chest – internal and external. I put on dark, heavy eye makeup this morning, with extra shiny nude lip gloss. I styled my hair in big, loose waves like I was going to a party, and put on a long black dress. The bodice was tight and low-cut, proudly displaying my brand new war wound, and the skirt was flowing and sheer from mid-thigh down. I threw on a cropped black leather vest on top of it and some stiletto ankle boots. I gave myself a good, long, hard look in the mirror and determined I was ready for battle.

I met Dri at our normal spot in the dining hall. Her eyes widened as I approached.

"I was all set to be sympathetic and sweet this morning, since my baby got hurt yesterday," she said when I sat down. "But instead you show up looking like a sex goddess with your boobs out. Gnarly bruise, by the way. Nothin' like taking one to the chest, am I right?"

"Eric kissed me last night," I said, seeing no point in beating around the bush.

Dri's eyes got even bigger. "What? Are you serious? And you're able to walk this morning? I am so happy for you!"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "We kissed pretty seriously but that was all."

"Oh," she said, sounding let down. I knew the feeling. "Why? Are you trying to play hard to get or something? I think you've spent eight years perfecting that, just saying."

"No," I repeated. "Trust me, I wanted to. But – but he just _left."_

"He…left?" Dri repeated, sounding as confused as I felt. "Wait. He kissed _you,_ and then he left?"

"Yes," I said. "And I don't know why. He barely said good bye. He just said 'We shouldn't have done this' and then he bounced. And I am _pissed_."

"Hence the hair and makeup and the boobs being out," Dri said with a nod. "I get it. But what are you going to do? Surround yourself with a bunch of guys and flirt and make him jealous?"

"I am neither a teenage girl nor am I Scarlett O'Hara," I said impatiently. "I'm a little too forward for that, and I just don't want to play any games. Which is part of the reason why I'm so pissed off – I don't want to be toyed with either. So I'm going to wait for him to show up and then I'm going to give him a piece of my –"

"Ass?"

"_Mind_," I said, glaring at her.

"Just checking."

"Have you seen him around?" I asked, looking around the packed room.

"I haven't, but I did hear someone say that he and Four are training the initiates all day today. Since the past couple days have been a little off-schedule for the newbies, they're really going to let them have it. I think they're doing combat training all day in the Pit. Might be kinda hard to pull him aside to chew him out while he's at the office, you know?"

I thought about that. I thought about how he'd just barged into my personal space last night and then turned my world upside down, and breezed out. Why should I be considerate of him?

"Hard, yes," I said, feeling an idea germinate. "Impossible, no." I leaned across the table and pecked her forehead. "Catch you later."

"I want details!" she yelled after me.

I went to my station at the tattoo shop and glanced over my appointments for the day. I didn't have any until the late afternoon, and it was only one.

"Kinda dead today with the initiates being on lockdown," Tori commented, walking to my side to prep some equipment. She smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. "I heard you did a great job yesterday. I'm glad you're okay – we were all pretty worried about you." She glanced at my bruise.

I smiled and patted her hand. "I'm just fine. Thanks for thinking of me."

She winked and went back to her station. "Gonna work on some designs. Holler if you need anything."

"All right. Thanks. Hey – I've got an errand to run this morning but I'll be back later."

"Fine."

I headed to the mid-level balcony, the one that overlooked the Pit. Sure enough, I saw Eric and Four and about thirty initiates practicing hand-to-hand combat. I zeroed in on Eric's face. He looked completely focused on what he was doing, watching two battling initiates closely, intervening to correct their form or explain how to deliver a certain type of strike or kick. He and Four were both dressed in training garb, so it looked like they were getting their hands dirty today in the ring too.

Suddenly, I got an idea.

I went to the large supply closet and found a training uniform that would fit me, and stripped out of my clothes and changed. I walked down to the Pit, taking care to stay in the shadows.

Eric and Four were in the ring now, demonstrating some more advanced moves. "The placement of your first strike in a fight can dictate how the rest of the fight goes, so make it count," Eric was telling the initiates, all breathing hard and watching the trainers intently. "And be merciless. When you've got your opponent down, you don't hesitate. You finish him." He looked around. "Any questions?"

There were none.

"Okay." He rubbed his hands together, then spread them wide. "Now, it's time to show us what you've learned. Who wants to take me on?"

The initiates murmured amongst themselves, looking at each other.

"Come on," he said with a cocky little smile. "I won't go all out on you. It's your chance to show me what you know. Anyone who can land a strike on me gets to sleep an extra hour tomorrow. No strings."

I stepped out of the shadows. "I'll take you on."

Every head snapped toward me, and every face held a surprised expression.

Eric recovered first. "This is initiate training. Closed session."

"I disagree," I said, walking through the path that the initiates cleared for me. "Why don't we show them what a real fight looks like?"

"If they want to see that, Four and I can handle it," Eric said evenly.

I jumped agilely into the ring. "But you haven't fought against a female, and at least half the initiates here are girls. I'm sure they'd like to see it. Am I right?"

I glanced into the crowd, seeing some nods and smiles, but they were too nervous to actually speak up and say so.

Four folded his arms and looked amused. "Actually, I think it's a good idea. A little bit out of the norm, but a good idea." He patted Eric's shoulder. "Good luck, my friend."

He turned to the initiates. "Most of you probably already know her, but this is Lady J. An exceptional tattoo artist, your resident nurse, and an all-around badass. And she's going to demonstrate for you females the best way to take on an opponent that outsizes you." He hopped out of the ring, and turned to face us.

Eric sighed and looked at me. He stepped closer to me, until he was only inches away. "What are you doing?" he asked in a low voice, so no one would hear.

"You left rather abruptly last night," I said, knowing my eyes were flashing with anger. "We didn't get to finish our…chat."

"There's really not much else to say. And even if there was, this is hardly the time or place to revisit it," he retorted in an undertone. "You need to leave."

I frowned. "There is _plenty _more to be said. You can't run from me, Eric," I whispered harshly. I bit my lip. "I won't let you."

His eyes smoldered at me, but before he could say anything I backed up several feet. I dropped into a fighting stance, cocking an eyebrow at him, and motioned for him to attack.

He just stood there, frowning.

"Come on, Eric," I called. "We can't have anyone thinking you're frightened of me."

That worked. His eyes narrowed, and he took on his own combat stance. "You've been warned," he said simply. "I'm not going easy on you."

Somehow the words were like a caress, right against the most intimate part of me. I blew out a short breath.

"You don't need to."

His eyes darkened, and then he leapt toward me.

He was a flurry of strikes and kicks. I was just a tad on the rusty side, so he managed to land a strike to my shoulder and a kick to my knee before I could move out of his grasp. It was like riding a bicycle, though, and before long my years of training came back to me in a flash.

I ducked under his swinging arm, grabbing it, and thrust him to the side, using the flat of my hand to the back of his head for good measure. He snarled a little, whipping around, and faced me.

"Guess I get an extra hour tomorrow then, huh, Coach?" I called with a little smirk. I heard a few titters in the crowd of initiates.

"You'll need it by the time I'm through with you," he replied, his voice low and gruff, and there was that phantom caress again.

He came toward me again, and I blocked his strikes and launched a roundhouse kick to his quadriceps. His leg buckled slightly at the knee but he recovered and landed a strike to my rib. I could tell he was holding back, because I only felt a minimum of pain. And that irked me.

"Don't handle me," I said through clenched teeth. Then I sent the back of my fist into his chin.

His head snapped to the side with the momentum, but again, he recovered quickly and flexed his jaw. "Nice," he commented.

I swung again, but he ducked nimbly, grabbed my arm in one hand and my neck in the other, hoisted me over his head in the air, and then slammed me down on my back. He leaned over me, kneeling between my legs, his hands still in place, his gray-blue eyes blazing. I stared up at him, dazed.

"You done now?" he asked quietly.

I panted, nodding. "Almost."

I thrust up with my hips and got my legs around his waist. At the same time I broke his hold on my throat and arm and with some clever maneuvering, I slammed him onto his side and rolled on top of him, straddling his chest and using my knees to pin his arms to the floor of the ring.

I looked down at him. "You don't get to brush me aside like I'm nothing," I whispered down to him.

He breathed harshly through his nose, his chest expanding. "Is that what you think happened?"

I blinked. _What the hell does that mean? _Abruptly, I rolled off him and got to my feet. Everyone was staring at us with very curious expressions on their faces.

I cleared my throat. "And…that's how it's done, ladies."

I jumped out of the ring to a chorus of cheers and a smattering of applause. I met Four's eyes briefly, both of his eyebrows raised questioningly. I glanced back at Eric.

He was getting to his feet in the ring, his eyes steadily on me. I turned without another word and pushed through the crowd.

I felt even more confused now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Was that...foreplay?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Now it's time for us to get all up in Eric's head, and get his take on the events thus far. And it's time to get the Jayce-n-Eric-4-eva ball rolling. Enjoy, poopies.**

**Chapter 6**

_Eric_

I watched Jayce walk out of the Pit, away from the training ring, and felt a multitude of emotions I couldn't even begin to name. She assumed I had "brushed her aside" like she was nothing.

She couldn't be more wrong.

I felt Four's and the initiates' curious eyes on me, so I cleared my throat and tried to recover even a shred of my dignity. "Hopefully that was educational for the females in the group. That is not something we typically do but, now you will have the opportunity to show us what you learned."

I quickly regained control of the group and we began our exercise. As I expected, the initiates were still mostly pathetic and I was able to go through combat drills with them barely focusing on what I was doing.

I couldn't get last night out of my head.

I didn't know what made me do what I did. I'd say that I was just caught up in the moment, but that would be a lie. I'd been caught up in my very real feelings for her, ones that had plagued me since the day I'd first set eyes on her.

I remembered when I'd arrived at Dauntless from Erudite. A skinny know-it-all kid with an enormous chip on his shoulder. I'd always been of a higher intellect, since I'd been bred that way, but as I'd gotten older I didn't like the way Erudite did things – there was no _doing_. No course of action to take, no way to see the progress of the brilliant ideas that we came up with. And the older I got the more I felt a strong need to _do_.

I was wholly unsurprised when my aptitude test indicated I should defect to Dauntless. And that was precisely what I did.

It was an easy move to make. I'd never been particularly close to either of my parents, and I was very frank with them when I told them the night before Choosing Day that they would likely never see me again.

My brother was another matter; my older brother and I had always been close, and he would be difficult to leave. But he had only patted me on the shoulder and wished me well.

"Perhaps our paths will once again cross, little brother," he'd said.

I'd seen him a few times over the last eight years, but that was it.

When we began our training, I was informed that transfers and Dauntless-born would be training separately. And that was when I noticed her – a Dauntless-born girl, skinny, with black hair and bad skin. I don't know why I was so intrigued with her – probably because I was shocked that she hadn't defected when it was obvious she didn't belong here.

I rarely saw her during the initiation process because we were kept separate. I remember seeing her on Initiation Day, and I remember being shocked. Over the course of ten weeks she'd changed. A lot. I could see the confidence of being trained to the degree that we were had filled her, as it had done me, as it had done all of us.

Where I was bigger, stronger, faster, and definitely more full of myself, I could see that she had undergone similar changes. Her body, in growing and adapting to the rigorous training that we were subjected to, had filled out in her womanly places. She wasn't a skinny board anymore – she looked strong. Athletic. Her stringy black hair looked different – touchable, full. Beautiful. Her skin had mostly cleared, due to medication or better hygiene, I didn't know and didn't care. She looked different, but yet she was still the same girl that had caught my eyes months ago.

And that was the first day when I realized she was so, so appealing to me.

She continued to blossom, until she barely resembled that scared skinny girl from so long ago. She was beautiful, undeniably so, but that was only secondary to what made me attracted to her. She was so unlike any other Dauntless member, especially the ones born into the faction. She had all the traits of Dauntless, but she had a quietness to her strength, and a strength to her character, that made her seem almost meek until she unleashed it in some manner – in the field, coming to the defense of another, or even breaking up bar fights. She was always so smart, book smart, which made it unsurprising when her mental aptitude for science and anatomy took her down the path of the medical world. Once our current doctor's time at Dauntless came to an end due to his age, it was widely expected she would take his role.

There was so much about her I didn't understand. There was so much about her that confused me. Most of all, I was annoyed with the fact that I had these useless feelings for her. For one, I wasn't really the type of man to find myself ensnared by romantic entanglements. I had listlessly dated a few girls over the years for short periods of time. Then I stopped dating altogether; that wasn't to say that I didn't have the occasional partner in my bed. I didn't seek them out; they sought me. And I had needs, so I fed them. And the girls were never surprised when I acted like nothing had ever happened between us the next day. One of the other leaders I was friendly with had cleverly dubbed that kind of sex "masturbation without hands". Well, that about summed it up as far as I was concerned.

Sometimes I felt like maybe I should find another girl to actually try to date. Jayce had had a few boyfriends here and there over the years, but nothing that seemed to last for long. I hated it when she was dating someone; I couldn't stop myself from having urges to kill her "boyfriend" as soon as he let his guard down, and seeing her with someone else only made me long for her more. It also made me pretty short-tempered with everyone around me, including her. I'd never been particularly nice to anyone, but I'd never gone out of my way to be kind to her. I never wanted her to know what she meant to me; I never wanted to have to deal with her laughing in my face and telling me to fuck off. I didn't consider myself super egotistical, but I couldn't have handled that rejection.

I thought I'd done a good job of hiding my feelings over the years but lately it was getting more and more difficult. Four had asked me on at least three different occasions recently if there was something between us. I always said no, but it made me wonder about that privately. I admitted that I'd been lax about being concerned who saw me watching her the way I always did when she was around, but to say "between us" implied there was some sort of reciprocal action on her part.

Jayce had always been nice to me. She was nice to everyone, so that didn't make me special. But there were times where I would catch her following me with her eyes, and then look away once she'd been caught. I chalked it up to the fact that most women in Dauntless found me appealing. An arrogant thing to say, I supposed, but it was the truth. I'd grown to stand over six feet tall, with a physique to match. I'd gotten tattoos and my eyebrow pierced, and apparently women responded to that. I didn't do it for anyone but myself, but there was never a day that went by that I didn't receive some flirty look from a Dauntless woman, some nervous smile and giggle from an initiate, or someone outright hitting on me at a party.

None of it mattered to me, but it mattered that Jayce was looking, too.

When I stepped into the training role, I found myself having to work with her more and more, because initiates got hurt, and she was a nurse. I always listened to her speak very gently with them, compassionately. Sometimes she would joke with them – anything to coax them out of their shells a little and make them feel welcome. In fact, she always said that to new initiates that she met – she'd give them a pat on the shoulder when she was done fixing up their injury and say, "Welcome to Dauntless." It always made me mad; these kids didn't need coddling. They needed to toughen the fuck up.

One day I told her as much, in a pretty stern tone of voice. I expected her to nod and apologize, because her gentle side was the one I saw most of the time. She surprised me when she looked me straight in the eye and gave me some sarcastic retort, and then informed me she would speak to the initiates in whichever way she fucking felt like.

Well, hell.

I recalled storming out of the room after that comment, but I couldn't help smirking over it later on. I didn't expect that from her to me, of all people.

I was pretty sure I played my hand recently when a group of us leaders were standing around. Jayce walked past us on her way to the tattoo station where she also worked – she was also really a brilliant tattoo artist – and Cal had said something to effect of being obsessed with her ass and stating he'd be doing something about that at the next party.

I looked at Jayce's ass, one of my favorite parts of her body, actually, showcased in a pair of tight black pants as she walked past us, and the thought of anyone who was not me doing anything to her ass made me jealous beyond comprehension. It was the only explanation for me grabbing Cal's shirt and yanking him toward me.

"First of all, you won't be making any comments about her anymore," I'd said calmly, though there was an unmistakable warning edge in my voice. "And you damn sure won't be _doing_ anything to her either. And if you say any shit like that again and I find out about it whether I heard it or not, I'm going to hang you by your ankles over the chasm until you puke or fall. Got me?"

Cal's eyes had filled with confusion and a little fear. "Yeah, dude, no problem," he'd said, holding his hands in the air. "You got it. Chill out. My bad."

I released him and noticed the pointed look that Four and Leb exchanged. Then I stalked off toward the training room to pound the shit out of a heavy bag until I felt calmer.

One might think with as into her as I was, I would capitalize on the moments when we interacted to try to charm her or make her see me as some great guy. Usually, it was the exact opposite that happened. Like a few days ago when I had gotten shot. I'd been so worked up over the attack by the Factionless that I'd practically bitten her head off when she came to take care of me.

She'd only looked at me with those lovely, patient gray eyes, blinking, and then led me to the infirmary. I trailed behind her, checking her out shamelessly as she led the way. She'd been wearing a tight tank top and black pants and it set her shape off to perfection. Watching her sweep all of that long, silky-looking black hair off her back into a bun had been torture. So, to combat the urge I had to grab her from behind like a stalker and kiss her until she passed out, I made a typical Eric-the-asshole comment.

Having her touch me and tend to my wound was even worse. Her hands were small and unbelievably soft, her fingers nimble and gentle. I didn't know if I really was making her nervous, but she did poke me once or twice with the needle while she was stitching me up. Again, I had to make a snarky comment to hide the fact that having her that close to me was getting to me bad. I couldn't stop looking at the fine bones of her face, the shape of it, the slant of her eyes and the lushness of her mouth. And her smell – I didn't know if it was her shampoo or her perfume or her natural fragrance or a combination of all three but it made my mouth water. I had to clench my fists to keep from touching her.

That night though, when she stopped by to bring me my antibiotics, I lost it. I couldn't help myself – the way her eyes got huge when she saw me without my shirt, the way her hand shook a little when she gave me the pills and the bottle of water, the way I kept looking at her cleavage because it was just _there_ and beautiful – all of it drove me temporarily insane. I had to touch her, or I was going to die. So I did; I backed her up to the door and put my face in her neck, looking at her beautiful tattoo, smelling her sweet, heady fragrance. She didn't seem to mind; in fact, she seemed to be into it. I was pretty sure I would have kissed her if Max and Four had not showed up.

And then things just completely changed.

I meant to talk to her at the party after the funerals. I needed to tell her something along the lines of how I felt. I had no idea what exactly I would say to her, but I needed to be alone with her. And when I saw her walk in, wearing the hell out of the sexiest dress I had ever seen in my life, I knew that need had to be fulfilled soon.

I watched about a half-dozen guys try to hit on her before I couldn't take it anymore and went over. I wanted to get her out of that room, I wanted people to see her leave with me so they would know and back off. I wanted to get her into a private space and pick up where we left off the night before.

Instead, I ended up insulting her dress and engaging in a little war of words with her, where I could see her growing increasingly agitated with me. I had to admit, it was sort of fun to get under her skin, and it also let me know that she had to have some kind of feeling about me if I could bother her so much. When I got close to her, it seemed to totally rattle her, which made me even more pleased, except then she decided to run off and get herself into a bar fight.

Initially I planned to just wait impatiently for her to put the guy in his place – unnecessarily, of course, since her friend was more than capable of defending herself – reset, and come back to me. But when I saw the guy getting ready to smack her with a beer bottle, I had to go over and stop him. Once I had him on the ground, I politely informed him that if he didn't get the fuck out of the place at that exact moment, I'd personally be shoving the remnants of that broken bottle straight up his ass. He got the hint and excused himself.

And then my entire plan got fucked up, because Jayce was bleeding, and it pissed me off.

All my plans for a nice chat devolved into another argument, since not chastising her for her idiocy was out of the question. When I offered to see her home – and from what depths inside my ass I pulled _that_ from, I'll never really know – and she turned me down, the blade of rejection sliced me open from chest to balls and I got even more pissed. At myself, this time.

But something happened on that platform, as we waited for her train. She wanted to know what I wanted to tell her. And looking at her, the wind tossing that beautiful hair of hers across her even more beautiful face, seeing the way her big eyes locked onto me, watching her gorgeous body shiver in that ridiculous dress, I almost told her.

Almost, but didn't.

When she volunteered for that mission yesterday I knew instinctively it would be a bad idea. I figured something off was going to happen, and I didn't want her to risk herself. It wasn't that she couldn't handle herself – I _knew _she could. I just didn't want her to do it if she didn't have to. And she definitely didn't have to yesterday.

I appreciated the fact that she discovered the crate of weapons. And I appreciated the hell out of her for getting the drop on the Factionless who got the drop on me – which still made me mad when I thought of it. But none of that was worth feeling what I felt when I saw her get hit.

It was like it all happened in slow motion. She was laying down cover fire for us, and she came when I shouted for her. I'd been reaching out for her to yank her ass into the train car so we could all get the fuck-hell out of there, but before I could grab her, I had to recoil when I felt a bullet whizzing past my arm – way too close for comfort.

Apparently she must have thought the same thing, because her eyes had gotten huge with fear and shock and anger too, and she stopped dead in her tracks to return fire.

_What the fuck is she doing!_

When I saw her body fly back and her head smack the ground, I was out of the car and yanking her up before I even knew it. I had no idea how I managed it, but I threw her over my shoulder and grabbed her gun, firing off rounds more out of anger than anything else, and I ran faster than I knew I could to get us on that train.

I was so pissed off at her for that. So pissed off because she scared me to death.

Because I almost lost her. I could have lost her.

I surmised the vest had stopped the bullet pretty quickly but wanted to be sure because she was so out of it. I searched her body with my hands and my eyes, touching her in places I only dreamed of and in way less dire situations than this, double, triple, quadruple-checking for anything that might have marred her perfect skin, even only slightly.

I felt relief when all I could find was that hideous bruise blossoming on her chest. And then that relief gave way to more anger. It served her right. I wanted to poke it.

Releasing that anger on her the way I had last night was not the plan. I didn't intend to lose my patience with her but she wasn't getting it. She didn't understand what it would have done to me if she'd been killed. And I had to make her understand without giving too much away.

I knew I said some hurtful things to her. I knew I was kind of a dick. But when she looked up at me, her eyes filled up with tears, and told me that she cared about me – I literally felt something shift in me. Inside my chest.

_She said she cares about me._

Saying it back to her in so many words was out of the question for me. So instead, I momentarily abdicated my sanity and did the only thing I could think of, the only thing my body would let me do.

I kissed her.

God, she was sweet – the sweetest thing I had ever tasted. And I half-expected her to push me away and slap me, but instead she pulled me close and started kissing me back in a way that instantly made me hard and ready to have her right there against the door. It was so, so good.

Too good to be true.

"_Eric,"_ she'd whispered against my lips. _Eric…get off me…don't touch me. Ever again._

_She's caught up in the moment. Be smart, Eric. _

That fear of being rejected by the only woman I'd ever been in love with was what made me abruptly pull away from her. I had to get out of there before she told me – whatever I didn't want to hear. I'm not even sure what I said to her. I just mumbled out something and then left. You know, like a coward.

And then she'd come and kicked my ass in front of everyone this morning. And then she'd told me, "You don't get to brush me off like I'm nothing."

Like she was nothing? Like _she _was nothing?

I had to talk to her again. I had to see her. In private, this time. Hopefully she'd gotten her temper tantrum all out and would be willing to talk.

If nothing else, I owed her an apology for basically attacking her last night. And maybe we could move on.

It was late in the afternoon, almost evening, almost time for chow, when everyone would be in the chow hall, when I headed toward the tattoo parlor. I wanted to ensure privacy, but I didn't want to have to follow her home. However, I would, if that was what it took. I was just about to walk in when a guy beat me to the door. Without thinking I grabbed his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "Getting my tattoo touched up. I got an appointment."

"With who?"

"Lady J."

"Not anymore, you don't." I pushed him away. "Come back tomorrow. She had something personal come up."

"But…I had an appointment," he repeated, looking confused.

"And I said, not anymore," I said evenly. "She's busy. I'll make sure you get in to see her tomorrow. Go to the chow hall."

The guy frowned at me, but turned and walked off.

I'd already passed Tori on my way here, where she was making her way to the chow hall. And she'd told me that Jayce was still here.

I closed the door to the parlor behind me and flipped the lock. I walked back to her station, seeing her silhouette through the privacy screen. I stepped around the corner and just watched her. She'd changed out of her training uniform into a long dress, her hair now flowing down her back, loosened from the ponytail it had been in this morning when I'd seen her.

"You're late," she called over her shoulder. "Lucky for you, I'm willing to stay a little later –"

She turned and saw me, and went silent. Then she looked mad. Really, really mad.

I held up my hands. "I come in peace."

Her nostrils flared. "Where's my real appointment?"

I shrugged. "He determined going to the chow hall would be better for his health at the present moment. You'll have to pencil him in for tomorrow."

She shook her head angrily. "Jesus, Eric –"

I took a step toward her. "You can touch up my tattoo if you want something to do. I wanted to talk to you."

She smirked dryly. "It's a brave man who would trust a woman with a needle in her hand while she's pissed off at him."

I scratched the back of my head and sighed. "Look, Jayce. I owe you an apology for last night. I shouldn't have just walked out like that –"

"No shit," she interrupted, and pulled her latex gloves off.

"But I also need to apologize for – for what I did."

She looked at me then. "Apologize?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "I guess I just – I got caught up in the moment."

She stared at me, then her face went hard. "You're a fucking liar. And a shitty one, too."

Her sudden aggression threw me off. "What am I lying about?"

I watched the way the skirt of her dress breezed around her legs as she moved rapidly around her tattooing table to get in my face. The front of her dress was enticingly low-cut, showing off not only her gorgeous cleavage but also that awful bruise on her chest, and it made me remember that horrible moment yesterday when I thought she was dead.

She glared up at me. "You were caught up in the emotion last night, sure. But not the _moment_. You – you _felt _something and I want you to stop _fucking lying_!" She jabbed me hard in the chest and it took me by surprise. But not nearly as much as seeing the way her eyes filled with angry tears.

I stared at her for a long time. "I – I felt something," I muttered. _Stop fucking lying._ "I feel something…"

"Tell me," she begged in a whisper.

I clenched my jaw hard, staring down into her beautiful, beautiful face. "I don't know how."

"Try," she whispered.

I couldn't form the words. So I defaulted to my previous actions from the night before and scooped her up, setting her down on the tattoo table and kissing her hard.

She let out a little whimper and her arms went around my neck in a grip that was almost strangling and kissed me back just as hard.

Then it became something like a struggle against each other, for each other, both of our mouths opened for the other, both trying to taste and take at the same time, our tongues sliding against each other. I felt her legs go around my hips and it made me grunt with the need to be even closer. I grabbed a fistful of her hair as I plundered her mouth, then released it to grab her hips and pull them forward to the edge of the table so I could push myself against her hard.

She gasped into my mouth, undoubtedly feeling my hardness grinding against her. _God, is this really happening?_ I wondered in a daze, loving the way her hands gripped me, her nails digging into my back through my shirt as they raked downward. _She wants me, as much as I want her. _

"Eric," she whispered, and hearing my name come from between her lips like that made me even crazier for her. I wanted to take her, right here on this table, if she would let me have her.

"Eric," she gasped again. "Eric – wait. Stop."

_Stop?_

I hit the brakes, hearing them screech in my head, and pulled back from her, breathing hard. "What," I managed. "What's wrong?" _No, no. Please, no. _

Her eyes were filling up again. It made me feel like a piece of shit. "Eric, I'm – I'm sorry. I can't – I don't want to do this if – if –"

I pulled back further but I couldn't let go of her. There was something important she was trying to tell me. "If what?"

She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, like she was gathering her courage. Then, in a very Candor-like fashion, she said, "I – I've been in love with you every single day for as long as I can remember."

Her words hit me like a punch to the chest.

"And – because of that, I can't do this with you, as bad as I want to, if you don't feel the same way about me." She bit her lip. "I know that most guys would lie at this point and tell the girl what she wants to hear, but I'm hoping you're better than that. If you are – you'll let me go, right now." She swallowed hard. "You have no idea how bad I want you. But I know what it would mean to me, and if it doesn't mean the same thing to you, it will kill me. So I would rather – rather just walk away –"

"Shut up," I said, cupping her face in both hands. "Just shut up. Jayce, I –" _How do I fucking say this? _I gritted my teeth. "Fuck, I don't how to –"

Her eyes were bright and huge. "Just try," she begged me again. "Please, just try. For me."

"I – goddammit. I love you too. I'm so _fucking_ in love with you," I said in rush in a tone that suggested the exact opposite. "Jayce – I swear to God I mean that –"

"I believe you," she breathed and yanked me to her, her lips landing on mine and letting me know with that everything, _everything_, had just changed.

I gave her my tongue and then just gave into the feelings. I shoved the skirt of her dress to her hips and ran my hands along her thighs before sliding them around to the front, between her thighs. I slipped my fingers under the lace of her underwear against smooth, hot, _Christ so smooth_ skin. And I touched her, and I felt, _God_, all of this silken wetness on my fingers and then she moaned.

I clenched my jaw so tight I could swear I cracked some teeth.

She pushed my hand away, and I thought I was going to lose my mind. But it was her next words that truly put my rational, conscious mind to bed.

"Take me home, Eric," she whispered into my ear, her lips against my skin sending tingles throughout my entire body. "Please, take me home right now."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I was going to, er, toy with you all some more and prolong the inevitable, but I've already been threatened to be cut if I did, so here it is :-) This is typically way sooner than my other stories and general mode of story-telling to start the smut, but I really need to get their relationship established because these two are cRaZy about each other and this bond is paramount to the overall story I'm trying to tell. So with that said, sit back and enjoy the, er, ride. :-)**

**P.S. Big goopy shoutout to the homegirl Mals86 for trampolining with me on this chapter and a future chapter. Also thank you for catching those idiotic typos. I think too fast for my fingers! **

**Reviews welcome, encouraged, and shamelessly begged for. They make me write faster. :-D**

**Chapter 7**

_Jayce_

He pulled back, his eyes searching my face. I watched his throat work as he swallowed, his jaw tensing in a way that made me want him even more, if that was possible.

"That's what you want?" he murmured.

I could only nod. _Godyespleasenow._

He helped me off the table, and then pressed me against it again to kiss me once more. It made the place between my thighs that was weeping with need for him clench up and I debated on whether going home was really necessary at this point since everyone was gone.

My hands gripped the lapels of his vest and I took a ragged breath as he leaned his forehead against mine. "I don't know if I can wait that long," he said gruffly. He pushed his hips against mine and I could feel a thick, hard, bulge that made me whimper, just a little bit.

"You only live three minutes from here," I said breathlessly.

"I know. It's too far."

I bit my lip and smiled. "That's why we need to go now."

It was agony to separate, but he finally stepped away from me. Then he surprised me by taking my hand, giving me a long, measured look that made me tingle. We walked out of the compound as quickly as possible and I wondered vaguely if he needed to tell someone he was leaving. Then I decided not to worry about it, because he obviously didn't care.

Inside his building, he pulled me into the elevator. "I live on the seventh floor," he said, and pulled me close. I reached for his mouth, but then the elevator stopped on the second floor and a young Dauntless mother with two small children got on. Eric let me go, but he kept his eyes on me. They were full of heat and longing and I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from shivering.

"Cold?" he asked quietly.

"Exact opposite," I whispered.

More heat flamed in his eyes, but he simply reached out and ran a hand through my hair, from root to tip, like he was savoring the feeling of my strands sliding between his fingers. His eyes followed the entire movement and there was something like a look of reverence in them.

The mother and her children got off on the fifth floor, with her mumbling something about being on the wrong floor, and then he and I were alone. As soon as the doors slid closed he pulled me to him again and kissed me deeply, his delicious tongue probing deep. His lips closed around my tongue, sucking gently, and it made me wonder what his mouth would feel like on other parts of my body. I grabbed the lapels of his vest again. _I'm going home with Eric. And he loves me. I love him, and he loves me. _

_And we are going to fuck each other's shit _up.

I wondered what it was going to be like. Would it be slow, deep, lasting "love making" given the confession of our feelings, or would it be rough and hard and animalistic, since we were obviously driving each other crazy? As I latched onto his mouth with my own I couldn't decide what I wanted more. Then I realized that because we loved each other, we didn't have to pick as if this would be the only time. There would be many times. As many as we wanted.

I shivered again.

The doors open and he pulled me down the hall. He fumbled in his pocket for his key, and my hands started shaking with the need to just _have him._ He finally got the door open – his hands were shaking a little too – and then he pulled me inside, and slammed and locked the door.

And then he was on me, like a lion on prey.

He ripped my leather vest off eagerly as his mouth fused to mine. I pulled his off in turn, followed by his T-shirt. I beheld his naked torso, perfect and hard and chiseled, and grabbed for his belt. Before I could open his pants, he was pulling my dress up and over my head until I was just in my panties and my bra. Then he scooped me up and carried me across his studio to his large bed, covered in simple white bedding, and threw me down onto it. He stood over me, unzipping his pants, and watching his eyes move down my body and go hazy with lust made me whimper. Something about watching a man like Eric, so strong, dangerous, the epitome of a bad boy, standing over a bed on which lay a woman he intended to fuck while unzipping his pants made the edges of my sanity crack. I started reaching for the waistband of my panties, intending to pull them off, but he stopped me, covering my hand with his.

"I get those honors," he said quietly, and then yanked his pants and then his boxer briefs down.

My eyes went wide as I took him in. "Jesus Christ," I murmured. It was long, and thick, and completely ready for me, and I wondered vaguely how the hell it was going to fit. And the sight of it made even more wetness pool between my thighs and I started to squirm.

He reached down and pulled off my bra and then leaned over me to sample my nipples. I arched my back and moaned at the touch of his lips and tongue on such a sensitive area of my body, my hands going to his shoulders. I wanted to feel that mouth on every inch of me, I really did, but right now, I needed him right where he belonged. I couldn't wait another second.

"Please, Eric, please, now," I chanted desperately. "God, I can't wait, I need to feel you. Eight years of foreplay, I think we're okay for now…"

He chuckled into my skin. "Thank God. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack if I have to wait any –"

Then he literally ripped my panties off, tossing them over his shoulder, and pulled my thighs apart in a rough way that made me even more desperate for him. He reached down to touch me, and I felt his fingers slick through me with ease because I was wetter than I had ever been in my entire life. His jaw clenched in that unbearably sexy way and he actually groaned.

"_Fuck_, Jayce, you're so wet –"

"Now, Eric, _now_, now," I panted, reaching for him.

He reached down between us and took himself in hand to guide it to me. I started moaning as soon as I felt him rub against me – the soft, blunt tip of him started to wedge inside me, little by little, and each little eager thrust made me stretch and part in a way that was equal parts pain and pleasure. I could tell he was trying to be gentle because I know he could feel how tight I was, but it was a struggle.

We both gasped as soon as he was fully sheathed inside me. My hands immediately went to his ass, my nails digging in. He started to move, slow, deep rolls of his hips. His eyes fell shut, a low moan rumbling in his chest.

"Christ, you feel _so_ good, Jayce," he ground out. "Jesus."

My mouth had fallen open at the initial feeling of being completely _filled_ by him but I was so overwhelmed I couldn't make a sound. My knees were hugging his ribs, and I clawed at his back. "Oh, my God," I finally gasped out. He filled me to the brim, stretching me out deliciously, and he was hitting something magical inside me with every stroke. And just seeing him, _Eric,_ between my legs, his body against mine, and knowing that we were finally doing this, was rushing me to the edge. I had known it was possible that my fantasies had unfairly built him up to be some supreme god of sex but he was completely blowing all of my hopes apart in the best possible way. He was just magnificent.

His hips began to increase their pace frantically and I let out a wailing cry. He lowered his face to my neck, a hand gripping one of my thighs as he pounded between them. I tried to spread them even wider, as wide as they could go, thrusting my pelvis up as high as I could so he could just _take _me.

"You feel amazing," he mumbled into my neck. "Fuck, you feel so good."

He reached what I can only describe as a cruising altitude, his hands rough on me, holding my thighs open. He pounded in to me steadily, watching me from above with hooded eyes, his jaw tensing. That magical feeling inside me started to grow hotter and tighter and I just knew that the coil was going to break, and soon.

"Oh, my God," I moaned, my hands sliding up his abdomen, exploring the ridges there, and then up to his chest and then to his neck, pulling him down. His mouth hovered over mine as the movement of his hips brought me closer and closer, and the tip of his slipped between his lips to tease mine. "Oh, yes…Eric….fuck, _yes, ohpleaseyes!_"

The levee breaking was like nothing I had ever experienced before. As the tingling heat between my legs grew and grew, and the most delicious, deep wave of pleasure began to consume me, a tremendous shudder went through my body at the same time, and every muscle tightened, all at once. Apparently that included the muscles between my legs, because in the throes of my climax I could hear the choked grunt of surprise that he uttered, and then his hips slammed into me hard half a dozen more times, and then he was straining into me, his deep grunt filling my ear followed by a soft string of curses. I could feel him throbbing inside me, and an accompanying jet of heat.

"Jesusfuck," he muttered, lowering his forehead to my shoulder. It actually came out even more slurred than that, and I knew he was just gone.

I held him close, both of us trembling slightly as we came down from the high peaks of pure bliss. He pulled back to look down at me, unsmiling but his eyes were filled with some intense emotion – maybe I could now classify it as love; maybe that had been what I'd been seeing in his eyes all along. He leaned down to kiss my lips and nuzzle my neck before carefully pulling out of me, and lying next to me.

I pulled in a shaky breath, willing my heart rate to slow. I felt a little blush of self-consciousness creep into my cheeks, and I turned to look at him. He was lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling, one arm pillowed beneath his head. I studied the thoughtful purse of his lips, the bulge of his bicep, the clarity of his eyes.

I rolled over onto my stomach. "Eric," I said quietly.

He looked over at me, his eyes studying me. "Yes?"

My face heated up. "I don't mean to get all girly on you, but…what are you thinking?"

He smiled a little. "I was just thinking that that was the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life, and that I'm really annoyed we waited so long to do that."

I tilted my head. "You were really thinking that?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

I shrugged shyly. "I guess – I'm still kind of amazed by the fact that you – that you said you feel the same way about me as I've felt about you for so long."

He turned to face me, and I felt his fingers brush over my shoulder and down my arm. "I've never said – that – to anybody before. I mean, literally no one."

"Me either," I whispered. "Except my parents, of course."

Eric glanced into my eyes. "I've never said it to my parents. And I'm honestly not sure if they've ever said it to me." He cleared his throat. "I struggle with – with emotional shit. I just – I don't know what it means so I ignore it." He ran a finger along my skin again. "Except with you. I could never ignore you. I tried, but I couldn't."

I sat still, waiting.

"I think you're braver than me," he said. "To be completely honest with you, despite what I feel for you, I probably never would have told you if – if you hadn't pretty much made me. Not saying that's a bad thing – I'm glad you know it. You deserve to know it. But without you pushing me I don't think I could have ever just come out and – and said that the way you did."

"What?" I asked gently. "Tell you I love you?"

"Yeah. And even now – it just comes out of your mouth so easily."

"I think it's easy because it's the truth," I said. "And, I like telling the truth."

His pierced eyebrow lifted in mild surprise as his lips twisted into a gently mocking smile. "That's very Candor of you, Dauntless."

I shrugged. "They're onto something. Things are so much easier when you tell the truth. But at the same time, I can understand being afraid. I am fairly sure I would have told you eventually, but…I don't know when. And I'm sure I could have told you sometime in these past eight years. I just…I just didn't have the courage, I guess. Also the fact that I thought you couldn't stand me."

"The only thing that sucks about that," he said gently, "is that we could have been doing this much, much sooner. And I hate wasting time."

"Everything in its own time," I replied softly. "It doesn't matter now. Only this does."

I leaned my head on his shoulder, and my fingers began to trace lazy paths on his body. After a moment, his slid his arm beneath my head and pulled me closer, his fingers stroking my skin. And then we drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>It was dark outside when we woke up, but still evening.<p>

I was still nestled against his shoulder, my hand on his chest. It was rising and falling gently, and for a second I thought he was still asleep until I felt the brush of his fingers on my shoulder. I smiled into his skin.

I'd just done something amazing with Eric. I loved him – and he loved me back. It was still hard to wrap my mind around. But he was mine. He belonged to me.

"You awake?" he asked quietly, his voice a little husky from our nap.

I nodded enough for him to feel it. "And hungry."

"I have food. Let me get up and I'll bring it to you."

He was going to serve me food in bed?

I wiggled away from him and huddled under the blankets as he reached over to switch on the lamp on his nightstand. He got up and retrieved his boxer briefs from the floor, not bothering with pants. I watched the muscles in his back, the way his chiseled abs contracted, and I could hardly believe that all of _that _had been working so hard between my thighs not too long ago. I gulped and squirmed a little bit, starting to feel my lower half tighten up a little bit.

He stretched a little and then padded to his refrigerator. "Don't have much," he called to me. "Just some stuff from the hall. Want a baked potato?"

I nodded. "Yes, please."

He heated it up and put it on a plate, then added some greens to the side and brought it all over to me. "That be enough?"

I nodded, using my fork to break up the potato a little. "Plenty. Thank you."

He sat on the edge of the bed, watching me, and I grew self-conscious. "I've noticed that you don't really eat a lot of meat."

I looked up at him. It was true; I ate meat only because it provided an excellent source of protein, which was what we needed to build and keep up our strength. But even then, I only ate what was necessary to that aim. I really didn't care for meat that much at all. But the fact that he'd noticed was what caught my attention; Eric and I had never shared a table in the chow hall before, much less a meal.

"You – noticed that?" I asked slowly, forking up some green beans.

He nodded and shrugged, glancing away. "I noticed lots of things about you over the years."

I was tempted to ask him to elaborate, but I figured if he really wanted to, he would have, so I left it alone, smiling down at my potato. He'd spent years watching me, noticing me, and I never could have fathomed it.

As if reading my mind, he added, "Eight years is a long time to notice someone and their habits. I feel like I really _know _you, Jayce."

I smiled at him. I held out a forkful of potato. "Want some?"

He leaned toward me, his eyes on mine, and slowly parted his lips. My eyes zeroed in on his mouth as he accepted the fork, and I never imagined that feeding someone a bite of potato could be so seductive.

I set the plate down on his nightstand. "Come here, please," I said softly.

He obediently moved toward me, sliding under the covers and pulling me into his arms again. I touched his chest, my fingers following ridges of muscles. I laid my hand down over his heart, feeling the faint thump of it through his chest. I ran my fingers down his stomach, tracing every single line of muscle, and making him squirm when I teased his bellybutton with a fingertip.

"No tickling," he said sternly as I ran my fingers up his side.

I was getting turned on just from touching him. I slid my hand down his body again, brushing his length through his boxer briefs, and felt it stir and begin to grow. We were both silent as I stroked him through the fabric, feeling him grow bigger and harder with each touch of my fingers. I felt his hand squeeze my shoulder.

I looked up at him, then rolled on top of his body, straddling his torso, and leaned down to kiss him slowly, while I lowered myself to the bulge at his pelvis and ground on it slowly.

He groaned a little bit, his hands immediately coming to my hips to push them downward again before they slid up to cup my breasts, his thumbs swiping over my nipples. He pulled his mouth from mine to lean up, licking and sucking each one. I gasped a little at the sensation, and ground my hips down on him again.

"I want you," I whispered. "Again."

"Aren't you – aren't you sore?" he asked, his voice slightly hitched. "I could feel before– you were so tight –"

His voice had turned to pure sex in my ear, and hearing him tell me I felt "so tight" was an incredible turn on.

I _was_ sore, truth be told, but I didn't care. "We can go slow," I whispered, and moved down his body to pull his underwear off before moving back up his body. I tilted my head down to kiss him again, feeling his tongue immediately sweep into my mouth, his hands sliding over my back. I reached down to take hold of him, and looked at his face as I worked myself slowly down onto him. His brow furrowed and his jaw clenched in the most erotic way as I enveloped him, and his hands moved to my hips. I kept pressing my hips back until he was buried deep inside me, and my hips were flush with his. At this angle, I could practically feel him in my belly.

I pressed my hands into his chest as my head fell back. "_Oh_, my God."

"Shit," he hissed, helping my hips find a slow rhythm. "_Fuck_, yes."

I decided that hearing Eric swear while in the throes of pleasure was simply one of the hottest things I could ever hear, and I wanted to hear more. I rolled my hips, feeling him so deep inside me it ached. I ground against him as hard as I could, and then felt that little magical tingle again. I gasped, and started riding him harder. The magical tingle grew hotter and hotter.

His hands slid down my back to squeeze my waist, then slid down to my ass and squeezed there. He pulled me close and I felt his teeth nibble the column of my throat. "That's right, Jayce," he whispered roughly up to me. "Come for me…"

I did just that.

He bit his lip and groaned at the feeling of me clenching and unclenching rapidly around him. My back bowed under the waves of pleasure that washed over me as I shuddered on top of him, crying out. "God. _Damn_," he ground out through clenched teeth. He moved my hips urgently back and forth on top of him. "You're so fucking sexy…"

The rest of his sentence was lost in a deep groan and he yanked my hips down on him hard, thrusting up with his to go as deep as possible. I could feel him throb inside me again as he came and my nails dug into his chest. When he finished, I collapsed on top of him, both of us sweating. For a second I got a weird feeling that might he push me off of him when I felt him stir beneath me, but then I felt his arms encircle me, pulling me close, sweat and all.

We stayed like that long enough to doze off again for a little while. Then he prodded me awake. "You can't be comfortable," he murmured in my ear.

"I'm perfect," I replied hazily.

His lips brushed my shoulder. "How about a shower?"

Oh, yes.

I nodded and sat up, delicately pulling off of him. Unashamedly he got up and stood before me, extending his hand. He led me into the bathroom and started the water. Soon enough, steam began to fill the small bathroom, and he slid the shower door open and pulled me inside with him.

For a man who could be so brutal with his initiates, and one who had a hard time dealing with emotion, he was surprisingly tender with me. He maneuvered me under the spray, and the warm water and the pressure eased some of the ache between my thighs. My back was to his chest, and after he guided me to lean my head back on his shoulder, he rested one hand lightly on my chest, over my bruise, and the other hand sponged water all over my front.

I was so relaxed I could have fallen asleep standing up in his arms. His lips pressed into my jaw. "Wash my back?" he asked softly.

I would have done literally anything he asked of me in that moment.

I took the sponge from him and lathered it up with some body wash – ah, so that was the source of his intoxicating scent – and scrubbed it up and down his magnificent back, using circular motions. He faced the spray, so before long I started to shiver a little bit. I couldn't help taking in the sight of his gorgeously formed ass, washing those muscled, rounded globes as well.

He turned around to face me, his eyes dark and hot. He pulled me close, kissing me. "Can I tell you something?" he asked into my neck.

"You can tell me anything," I breathed back.

"Getting you in the shower with me has been a long-standing fantasy of mine."

"You've – you've _fantasized_ about me?" I repeated slowly.

He nuzzled my ear. "Do you really find that so hard to believe?"

I'd spent my fair share of nights doing the exact same thing where it concerned him. I shook my head against his shoulder.

"Have you – have you ever fantasized about me?" he asked quietly.

I lifted my lips to his neck, tracing the tattoo there with my tongue. "The more appropriate question is how often. And the answer to that is most of the time."

His hands squeezed me in reply. "And what do you think about?"

There was one thing lately that had been on my mind more than anything else and would require a degree of boldness in order to explain it to him.

"The setting changes," I said quietly, running my fingertips up and down his spine. "But the punchline stays the same."

"The punchline?" he repeated.

"So to speak." I stepped away from him slightly, glancing down at the part of his body I was getting very fond of. "Can I show you?"

He teethed his lower lip, his eyes following my gaze. "You may."

I slowly lowered myself to my knees, looking up at him. His eyes went even darker when it became apparent what I meant to do. I ran my hands up the sides of his heavily muscled thighs and then gave the tip of him a lick.

He went still, and every muscle in his body tightened.

I took him in hand and licked the underside of his shaft from his scrotum to his tip as slowly as possible. I repeated the action on the top, following the line of a vein there as he rapidly grew in my hand. I flicked my tongue against his corona and was rewarded with a drop of his essence, beading at his tip.

I looked up at him and smiled, then took him completely into my mouth, my cheeks squeezing hard around him.

"Fuck," he growled, tilting his head back.

It was a challenge to get my mouth around him. I stretched my jaws to accommodate his size as I slowly began working my salivating mouth up and down his length. I stroked him at the same time, my fist making a tight, circular motion up and down the bottom part of his shaft. I tasted more of his essence, and I was instantly hooked on the flavor of it.

I felt one of his hands rest on the crown of my head, lightly gripping a handful of my wet hair when the sensation got to him. Eventually he pulled away, his chest heaving.

He pulled me up to my feet. "That was…simply too good."

"You didn't want to finish?" I asked softly, my hands running up his chest.

"Not like that, not yet. Because I want you again." He reached between my legs and stroked me gently. "But there's something I need first."

He turned the water off and we toweled off in the lingering heat of the shower stall. He wrapped me in a fluffy towel and then lifted me up, putting me over his shoulder until I squealed. He playfully threw me down on the bed, and then moved over me with a decidedly un-playful look in his eyes.

"Since we're talking about things we want to do to each other," he said quietly. "Hopefully you won't mind if I help myself…"

He pushed my thighs apart and hovered between them. My heart started racing with anticipation, and he pulled his comforter over us, since we were both shivering a little.

Then I felt warm breath ghosting over the flesh between my thighs, and I started to shiver more. It had nothing to do with being cold.

The feel of his tongue was nothing like anything I'd ever felt before. I'd never experienced this before in either of my past relationships, and the brand new sensation was driving me insane. Even with no basis of comparison, I could tell he knew exactly what he was doing. The thought of that actually made me a little jealous, since it stood to reason he'd had a partner or two to practice on. But that thought banished itself from my head with every swipe of his tongue, and I wanted to squirm below him, but he kept my legs firmly apart, his mouth fused to me. He licked me so attentively I had to believe this was an activity he enjoyed, just as I enjoyed having him in my mouth.

As his lips pulled against the little bundle of nerves right at the top of my sex, I felt another orgasm building. I'd given myself plenty of orgasms over the years but I'd never had one elicited by anyone's mouth and it was a completely different sensation that being stroked with a finger.

"Oh, my – fuck," I murmured, reaching down to touch his head. "Oh, _shit, yes_ –"

I burst against his mouth, and it made him suck my flesh more firmly, his tongue moving wildly against me. I let out a shaky cry of pleasure, my body convulsing for a long time, and squirmed away from his mouth when it got to be too sensitive.

Then he was sliding up the bed, to dive into my mouth with his tongue, and I could actually taste myself there, and it was so erotic I moaned into his mouth and clung to him.

"You're sweet," he informed me in my ear.

"I – I guess so," I said with a little laugh. "I – wow. That was amazing."

He kissed all over my neck. "I want you again. Can you?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

I held his face gently in my hands so he would look at me. "Eight years is a long time to make up for," I said quietly. "Just – go slow, okay?"

"I'll go however you want me to go." He kissed me. "Let me turn you over."

I let him roll me onto my belly, and then he drew me back to my knees, pulling on my hips. I arched my back and pushed my ass out toward him. He gripped one of my hips in one hand and himself in the other, and then started working himself slowly into me.

I felt a burst of pain from too much activity after too long a dry spell, but he stroked my skin soothingly and took his time easing his way inside me. I gasped, grasping the sheets, and he began moving tentatively, getting me accustomed to the difference in position.

"You okay?" he breathed.

"Yes," I moaned back.

One of his hands slid up my back and entangled in my hair. He pulled on it, not nearly hard enough to hurt but firmly enough for me to feel it and tip my head back with the motion.

Gradually I grew accustomed to feeling him and the pain receded, and pretty soon he increased his speed, force, and depth at my request until the steady sound of flesh pounding flesh filled the air, along with his soft, deep grunts of pleasure and my cries.

My legs were spread as wide as they could go and still keep me upright, and they were trembling. His grip on my hip and in my hair was intensifying with his strokes. I loved every second of it, and started to feel the familiar building and coiling of heat between my legs.

He thrust in and out of me steadily and I glanced at him over my shoulder. He had a look of total concentration on his face, his eyes glued to where we were joined, his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Come here," I breathed, and he leaned forward over my shoulder, covering my back with his front as our mouths fused together. He never slowed his movements at all, and at this new angle, he stayed deep inside me, grinding instead of thrusting.

When it finally hit I cried out, biting his lip a little. He grabbed my hip and pulled me back as he pressed himself as far into me as he could get, his hips making small grinding movements. Then I felt the bite of his teeth in the back of my shoulder as he groaned and pressed me down into the bed, his heart racing as he breathed hard.

When he finally pushed himself up, I felt his lips drop onto the place where he bit me, the middle of my back, and one side of my ass. He moved to my side, and let out a long, satisfied sigh, then reached for me.

"I'm…exhausted," he said quietly. "And you've gotta be hurting."

"I'm good," I replied, curling up to his side. "I'm great." I was pretty sore to the point that sitting down tomorrow was going to be a challenge, but my heart was soaring.

"Let's get some sleep," he said, and kissed my forehead before taking my chin and turning my face up to his so he could kiss my lips. Then he reached over and flicked off his lamp.

In the darkness I became very aware of him. I felt and heard his heart beating in his chest. I could smell his skin, could register the rough feeling of his hands and fingers as they stroked my back and arm lightly. I wished we could stay just this way forever.

"Eric?"

"Hm?"

I paused, feeling a little scared. "…I love you."

He was quiet for a beat, and then he said, "I love you too, Jayce."

I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Whoa, glad you guys likeded the last chapter :-D Shoutout to everyone reviewing, following, favoriting. I SO appreciate you. To guest reviewer Cupcake - Thanks for taking a chance on my story, and I got you, boo - more's here! And there's a little part in here dedicated to Mals involving the tattooing table. Enjoy, loves. MWAH!**

**Chapter 8**

_Eric_

I was accustomed to waking up at the crack of dawn, sometimes even earlier than that. Lately with our initiate class, we'd given them a ridiculous wake-up time of five in the morning, which meant that Four and I had to be up, ready to go, in the Pit and properly caffeinated by the time they arrived.

This morning we were going to be doing weapons training with them all day, and they were far enough along in their process that we didn't have to haze them with an early wake-up time every single day. And that had worked out to my benefit immensely this morning.

Since my body was used to be awake early, I was already awake, lying in bed next to Jayce, listening to her soft, deep, even breathing as she slumbered. I was on my back and she was nestled into my side, where she'd been since we'd gone to sleep. I tried to wrap my mind around what had just happened, because, frankly, it was _so_ not the plan.

I inwardly cringed when I recalled the way I'd blurted out my feelings for her yesterday. Granted, she'd done a fine job of pulling them from me which was the only reason I had ever admitted it. I wasn't sure if it was due to cowardice or something else, but without her encouragement I would probably have gone my entire life never revealing that tiny little fact to her or anyone else.

I was a feared Dauntless leader. I was a good soldier. One of the best, in fact. I'd worked my ass off for the past eight years to get to where I was and I was by no means finished with my career trajectory. I'd seen horrible things, I'd done some things I wasn't necessarily proud of in order to accomplish an objective, I trained scores of future Dauntless members, and I had my reputation – bad boy, hard ass, asshole, someone you didn't want to cross, etc.

And I was terrified I'd made a huge mistake by essentially ripping open my chest and inviting someone into it.

Granted, without sharing those emotions, I highly doubted that the sex we'd had would have been as spectacular as it was. That wasn't to say that it wouldn't have been amazing – Jayce was beautiful, her body drove me insane, and getting to experience every inch of it was life-changing. But I'd had great sex before, and plenty of it. There was something about connecting emotionally – I swallowed the reflexive urge to spit at the thought – that made sex become something way better. Way, way, _way _better, and that was definitely not something I'd had before.

What scared me most now was knowing that Jayce possessed the supreme power to absolutely destroy me, if she so chose.

There was a part of me, a relatively large part of me, that knew I was safe with her. After all, as vulnerable as I was with her, she was just as vulnerable with me, since she loved me too. Unless she was lying and a great actress, which was a possibility but not one that I could really accept. We'd gotten naked with each other, in more ways than one, and we were on the same playing field.

But that was when the insecurities came, followed by the fear.

I'd never really "been with" anyone before. I made my rounds of course, and women typically came to me. But I didn't know how to be someone's other half, to support her in the ways that she needed, to stop being the part of me that typically kept people at arm's length. I didn't know how to do that, and I didn't want to let her down. And I was terrified that I would, and I was terrified that, in turn, would make her walk away from me.

_I just got you. You can't leave yet…_

"Eric."

Her quiet whisper cut through my thoughts and I angled my head to look down at her. The dawn was starting to break, slicing in through my blinds, and I could see parts of her face highlighted by the early morning sun as she blinked sleepily up at me.

"Hey," I replied quietly.

"You need to stop. Seriously."

I looked at her in surprise. "Stop what?"

She yawned, and stretched, and I was momentarily distracted by the sight of her breast, the light highlighting her nipple as she tilted her head back. _Jesus fuck, she's sexy._

"You need to stop with the doubt. The insecurity. I can feel it all over you."

_She can read my mind now?_

"It's not like I can read your mind," she went on, to my dismay. "But I can feel – I dunno. I can feel your energy or something. And you feel tense. And I know why. You're wondering if we made a huge mistake."

She brushed her hair out of her face and rolled over on her belly to face me. "It's the same shit that made you run out of here the other night," she said softly. "And I can't – I don't ever want you to run from me again. I feel like – I feel like I just got you, and now you're plotting your escape plan."

The words hurt. Not _me_ necessarily, but the fact that she was hurt by the thought that I might be figuring out a way to "run from her", hurt me for her.

I reached up to run my thumb over her cheek and then down the slope of her nose, and over her bottom lip. "I'm not thinking that, I swear. I just – I've been wondering if I can do this, though. Be…be _good_ for you. I don't know how to do that."

She leaned into my touch. "We'll figure it out together," she said quietly. "Okay? But we have to promise each other that we'll always have each other's back, no matter what. And no shutting off emotionally. I need to know how you're feeling, and you need to know how I'm feeling. We have to be open and honest with each other."

I nodded slowly. "I will do my best," I told her honestly. "I can't guarantee that I'll always get it right. But I'll try."

"And that's all we can do," she said, running her fingers over my hand. "And take it a day at a time." She lightly kissed my palm. "Deal?"

I nodded, watching her lips on my skin. "Deal."

Then she leaned over to kiss me, but she stopped, her lips an inch away. She looked into my eyes, and they were full of patience. Love, maybe. She waited.

I wound my hand into her hair and leaned up the rest of the way, pressing my lips against hers.

Eventually we struggled out of bed. She needed to go to her place and I had to get to the compound. I was dangerously close to being late, and that shit just wouldn't fly. I watched her go, and wondered how we were supposed to act in front of everyone at Dauntless. Were we supposed to pretend that yesterday didn't happen? Were we supposed to keep this a secret?

I wasn't sure I wanted to.

When I arrived at the compound, I had about two minutes to spare before the initiates finished breakfast and came to the Pit. Breakfast for me was out of the question, but I didn't mind. I'd spent my morning exactly the way I wanted to.

Four blinked at me in surprise when he saw me. "You usually beat me here, even if it's just a few minutes."

I shrugged. "Got caught up with – something."

He looked a little suspicious but nodded and said nothing else about it. When the initiates finally showed up, we took them outside to the roof so they could practice target shooting.

I stood behind a few of them, and I was supposed to be watching them, critiquing them, making them better. But suddenly, memories flooded my mind. Memories of soft skin beneath my fingers, sweet, wet flesh beneath my tongue, and the feeling that I could only describe as heaven when the most sensitive part of my body was enveloped in the tightest, warmest, wettest embrace I'd ever felt. The echoes of her sighs and soft moans, and, later, her loud, shaky cries filled my head.

"Eric."

I looked up at the sound of my name, realizing in a hurry that I hadn't been paying attention to shit and that Four was walking toward me. Now he looked a little concerned.

"You all right, man?" he asked quietly. "I've never seen you this distracted, and these kids are doing live fire exercises. You need to take a break?"

I shook my head, as much to answer his question as to clear it. "No."

"No?"

"Did I fucking stutter?" I asked evenly.

He lifted his hands up. "Nope. You got it. Just pay attention. You get your ass shot off, it's on you."

I flicked my head upward to acknowledge his statement and tried to concentrate. Before long my mind was wandering again, remembering the touch of a hot mouth, and the sight of a round, upturned ass right in front of me as I pounded away.

_Shit_.

If she was this much of a distraction after half a day, this could not bode well for my future.

My lips twisted into wry smirk. If anyone knew what I was thinking about, I'd be laughed right off that roof. I made a decision to see her later that day. I knew I couldn't wait until after hours. I didn't plan to do anything to her – I just wanted to see her. Talk to her. Touch her, maybe.

Maybe do something to her.

_Focus, asshole. _

I managed to make it through the rest of the exercise without getting my ass or any other part of my body shot off, and then we moved on to knife throwing. It was an antiquated skill, but a valuable one, and one that we made them train on as intensely as firing a weapon.

Finally, they broke for an hour for lunch. Four went with them, but I went to the tattoo parlor. I saw the same guy from yesterday afternoon walking out, and his face instantly went wary at the sight of me.

"Get your tat all touched up?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, staring at me as if he expected me to punch him.

"Lady J free?"

"As far as I know," he said, and then walked off.

I headed inside and passed Tori on the way out. "Going to lunch," she informed me. "You have to come back later."

"Just want to talk to Jayce," I told her.

A slow smile spread across her lips. "Is that so? I think she was getting ready to head out herself, but, uh, I think she's still available."

Tori gave me a very pointed look as she pulled the door closed behind her, and I appreciated her tact.

I went back to Jayce's station, walking as quietly as I could. She had her back to me, carefully putting away her instruments. She had on a long, dark red sheer skirt and a black leather vest. I suddenly imagined pulling up that skirt and parting those thighs. I cleared my throat and she turned around fast.

She didn't smile but her face lit up, and the sight of it made me want to grin like a fucking idiot. I didn't, of course. Instead, I slowly walked toward her.

I didn't necessarily intend on grabbing her the way I did but the next thing I knew she was in my arms and I had her pressed against the wall, my face in her neck.

"Well, hello to you, too," she said breathlessly, her arms tight around my waist.

I didn't mean to say it, but it just fell out of my mouth. "Been thinking about you all morning."

"Have you?" I could hear the smile in her voice. "Same here. Distraction and tattooing are not a good combination."

"Neither is distraction and live rounds," I replied, and then kissed her neck leisurely until she drew in a deep breath. "We need to do something about that."

"What, _here_?"

She sounded flabbergasted but also a little excited. _Hmm._ I smiled into her neck.

"Door's closed," I said, kissing slowly up the column of her throat. "Everyone's at lunch. Your station is at the back of the room…"

"I don't know," she hesitated.

Slowly I pulled her skirt up, handful by handful, until my hands grazed smooth, warm skin. I squeezed her flesh, then ran my hands down the backs of her thighs until I hoisted her up. Her legs went around my waist automatically and she let out a little "_Oh!_" of surprise. I pressed her against the wall, and then ground my hips up into her. Her eyes hazed out when she felt my erection pressing against the center of her.

"I don't know what you've done to me," I said, my lips grazing the hollow spot between her collar bones, "but I'm officially addicted to you. And now I need a hit." I punctuated that word with another upward roll of my hips. I knew she had to be sore as hell, but as long as she said I could go for it, I was going to do just that.

I watched as her eyes closed, her head tilting back and her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. "Mmm," she hummed quietly. "Eric –"

My eyes zeroed in on her mouth. I liked the way her lips moved when she said my name. I leaned in to suckle at her bottom lip. "Yes."

"I want –"

"Yes?"

"I want you to fuck me. Right here."

My blood surged in my veins. "As you wish."

I turned to deposit her on her tattooing table, leaning in to take her mouth voraciously with mine as I quickly unzipped my pants. This was not going to be leisurely and slow like yesterday, when we had time to explore each other's bodies. This was going to be quick, and it was going to be dirty.

Her eyes glowed as she yanked her panties down, leaving them dangling from one of her legs. She spread them and looked at me with heat in her eyes. The sight of her spread open, and glistening, and ready for me was enough to make me want to bust my load right then and there, and I hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet.

I grabbed her thighs and pulled her to the edge of the table, angling her hips up, and lined up the head of my cock at her entrance. _Slow, go slow, she's sore, _I chanted desperately to myself, but the feel of her heat and wetness coating my tip made me clench my jaw hard and bite back a groan. She was the sweetest, sweetest thing I'd ever had, and she was _mine_.

She leaned her weight back on her hands and her eyes rolled back in her head as I worked my way inside her. I couldn't believe she could still feel this tight after I'd taken her three times the night before, but she was.

"Fuck, _Jayce_," I grunted, pushing into her the last few inches. "You are so fucking _tight, _Christ."

"You like it?" she asked me breathily, and I realized she was talking dirty and it instantly drove me insane. She bit her lip as I started to move, spreading her legs wider. "Do you like how tight I feel?"

"Fuck me, I love it," I said roughly, thrusting in and out of her. "And you're so fucking wet, too."

"You make me wet," she whispered, then moaned, and reached out to clutch the back of my neck. "Oh, _fuck_, Eric, you make me so wet…"

She was talking all this shit in a voice hardly above a whisper but to me, she was wailing it out as I moved in and out of her.

"Hard," she gasped. "Harder, please, _fuckyes._"

I looked at her, my hands tight on her hips. "You sure? You okay?"

"Just fuck me hard, Eric!"

I thanked whoever had nailed the table to the floor, because I gave her everything I had, pounding into her as she moaned. She was starting to get loud so I leaned in to kiss her deeply, swallowing her cries as I fucked her.

I was fast approaching the end of my rapidly fraying rope and prayed she would get to where she needed to before I just couldn't hang on any longer. But she was hot and she was wet and she was getting tighter and tighter around me and I was getting extremely close to losing all of my shit.

"Oh, my God, yes," she moaned, tilting her head back. "Don't stop, baby…"

_Baby?_ I was not one for terms of endearments, but the way that sounded coming out of her mouth made my balls tighten up and I felt intense pleasure start zinging down my spine.

"You've got to come, Jayce," I said raggedly. "I can't hold on much longer – _fuck_, you feel so goddamn good. Please fucking come for me…"

And then she did, and once again, that sudden, powerful clench of her interior muscles pulsing wildly all around the entire length of my cock caught me completely the fuck off guard and I could only faintly hear her moans as she came, because I was too busy enjoying my own blinding orgasm. I don't know how she did it, because I'd had other orgasms with other women, but none of them compared to what I felt with her, and I'd never felt another woman contract around me like she did. Maybe because I previously never really cared whether my partner for the night came or not.

My cock throbbed hard as my seed rushed into her and I could still feel her pulsing, gently now, on me. We leaned our sweaty foreheads together, breathing hard, and then our lips met in a few moist kisses. I heard her sigh and looked at her to make sure she was okay. Her answering smile told me everything I needed to know.

She kissed me softly as I pulled out of her body and pulled my pants up. I helped her slide her leg back into her underwear, and she jumped off the table. "Ow."

I watched as she straightened her skirt. "You okay?" I asked. "I didn't exactly take it easy on you."

She gave me a look from under her lashes that sent a tingle down my spine. "I didn't ask you to."

I couldn't hide a sly grin. "You sure as hell didn't." She smirked. "There's still time left to eat. You hungry?"

"Always," she replied, and then we headed to the chow hall.

It occurred to me as we neared the entrance that I was walking _with_ her and that people would certainly notice that. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, and I could feel her looking up at me.

Before we could say anything, Max strode over to us. "Lady J," he said with a respectful bob of his head. He turned to me. "Grab your lunch to go, Eric. I need you in a meeting."

"Yes, sir," I replied immediately, though I was wondering what the hell sort of meeting needed to take place over a meal.

"Four's in line. I'll see you in my office." With that he walked off.

"Well," Jayce said. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Yeah," I replied. I wanted to kiss her. I was very aware of eyes on us.

She gave me a sweet look. _I understand._ "Maybe we can see each other tonight."

"Maybe?" I murmured.

"Okay. Definitely."

"That's better." I caught sight of Four leaving the line with his lunch and realized I needed to get my ass in gear. "I've got to go. Um – have a good day. I'll see you later."

She discreetly reached out to give my hand a little squeeze, and I returned it. "Later."

On the way out of the hall, I caught her eye where she was seated with her friend Dri. She gave me a little wink, and then a smile.

I was halfway to Max's office when I realized I was smiling, too.

* * *

><p><em>Jayce<em>

I left Eric and went to sit with Dri, as usual. Had he not gotten pulled to Max's office for a last-minute meeting, I wasn't sure how the lunch thing would work. I assumed he would sit with the other Dauntless leaders, and I would sit with Dri. I certainly didn't expect us to be hugged up at a table feeding each other Dauntless cake.

For all our conversation this morning, and the impromptu crazy sex we'd just had at the tattoo parlor, I could tell the idea of being public with me made him uncomfortable. Not because he was ashamed of me, but because he didn't know how to be with me and still be Eric, Feared Dauntless Leader. But I was patient. It was new for us both, and him especially, and I was willing to give him the time he needed to get accustomed to our new situation.

Of course, as I met Dri's penetrative stare, I realized I had my own 'splaining to do.

"What the hell?" was all she said when I sat down. I reached for one of the two hamburgers on her plate, inwardly sighing at the prospect of eating meat.

"What?" I asked innocently, taking a bite.

"You and Eric," she said pointedly. "Walking to the chow hall together."

"Why is that weird?" I asked curiously, taking a sip of water.

"You look awfully _together_."

"We were walking side by side, so that makes sense," I said patiently.

At that moment I saw Eric heading for the door, a plate in hand. He paused and glanced my way, and we exchanged a private little look. I smiled, and felt a wave of delight when he gave me a little half-smile back.

"Okay," Dri said loudly, throwing her fork down. "He just fucking _smiled_ at you. I've never seen that boy smile. And what was that little look about? Don't play that coy shit with me, J, what happened between you two? The last I heard you were ready to rip his head off for kissing you and then dipping out."

I smiled, then grinned. Her eyes got huge.

"Oh, my _God!" _she squealed. "You guys – did you guys – what did you do?"

"We – had a little talk last night," I said lightly, remembering how that "talk" consisted of no less than three rounds of sex.

"And sex," she interrupted. "You had a little _sex_ last night, too, didn't you?"

I folded my lips inward and nodded, unable to stop smiling.

Dri got to her feet, stood up on her seat, and spread her arms. At least thirty people turned to watch her. "Halle-_fucking_-lujah!"

"Will you sit down?" I hissed.

She grinned and jumped to her feet, taking her seat again. "Okay. Now I want details."

I blushed. "I – can't divulge everything."

"Oh, but you will. So obviously you made amends. How did the sex come around?"

"I – we started kissing," I said, feeling embarrassed saying it out loud. "And then we went back to his place –"

"_His _place?" she squawked. "Eric let you go to _his _place? He's so private – I don't think anyone has ever been to his place! Was it like a lair? Were there whips and chains and shit all over the place?"

"No!" I said, and realized she had a point – Eric taking me home was a huge leap of faith and trust in me, because he was so private and closed off. That made it all the more special. "No, it's really clean. It's a studio, he has all normal stuff. A big – a big bed."

"Uh-huh," she said mischievously. "I'm sure that's not the only thing that's big. Now, get to the good stuff. How was it?"

"Amazing," I admitted. "Amazing. The first time I thought I was going to die, and the second –"

"You did it more than _once_?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"We did it several times," I said, knowing I had to be bright red. "And – and –"

"And?" she pressed.

I glanced around and leaned in. She was my best friend, after all. "Once before we came here."

Her mouth fell open. "Wait. You did it _here_? At Dauntless?"

I bit my lip and nodded.

"That's my _girl_," she said in amazement. "Good God. So, obviously, the sex is amazing."

"Amazing," I confirmed. "And I'm so uncomfortable sitting down right now on this hard ass bench."

She tipped her head back and laughed. "I can only imagine, you poor thing. I bet he's _hung_. Did he split you in half?"

I smiled beguilingly and said nothing.

"Oh, my." She shook her head. "I'll never look at crabby ol' Eric the same again."

"But that's not the best part, Dri."

"Wait?" she said. "He went down on you too?"

I paused. "Well, yes, he did. But that's not what I mean."

"Then _what_?"

"We – we're – we said 'I love you'," I murmured.

She blinked. Then she blinked again. "Hold up. Hold _up_. I thought you just had a crush on the guy –"

"Secretly in love with him for over eight years," I clarified.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?" She sounded a little hurt.

I felt bad. "I know I should have. I just – I don't know. I just didn't want anyone telling me how silly that was, because I always knew it was." I shrugged. "Or rather, I always _thought_ it was. I never imagined –"

"That he loved you back," she finished, and tilted her head. "That's actually so…romantic. And sweet. And those are two words I never would have thought applied to Eric. Wow. He actually said, 'I love you'?"

"He did," I said, glowing.

Dri smiled, and got up to come around the table and hug me. "Congratulations," she said in my ear. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," I replied quietly.

She took her seat. "I'm sure that it's weird for you both – you haven't had a boyfriend in years and I don't think he's _ever _had a girlfriend. Conquests, yes. Girlfriend, no."

"It's weird," I admitted. "Probably more for him than me. I picked one hell of a guy to fall for."

"Yes, you did," she confirmed. "But – you're an amazing girl, J. He knows that, and he'll do what he needs to do to make you happy. Even if that means mushy PDA."

"I don't know about that," I said with a smile. "He's not the PDA type. And being professional means a lot to him."

"We'll see," Dri said with a wink. "But it's enough that you two are finally together. I guess I won't be seeing you for a while outside of Dauntless."

"Why do you say that?"

She cocked her head, her eyes twinkling. "Eight years, babe. That's a long time to make up for."

I chuckled, but I had to agree. And as I recalled the very recent memory of his touch, it was a task I was very much looking forward to.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Plotses thickening. MANY MANY thanks to Mals86 for trampolining. I had a hard time with parts of this. Enjoy, poopies, and happy Friday.**

**Chapter 9**

_Eric_

The smile dropped off my face as soon as the door to Max's office opened.

He had the largest space, understandably, at Dauntless. On one side of the room was his desk, a computer, typical and random office shit. In the middle of the back wall was a huge window so he could overlook the Pit and keep tabs on things. On the other side of the room was his utilitarian conference table, large enough to seat eight to ten people, depending on how closely people crowded together.

And seated at the head of that table was none other than Jeanine Matthews.

She was wearing a dark blue suit, typical of the Erudites, her short blonde hair sleek, makeup perfect. She had a glass of water and nothing else in front of her.

"Hello, Eric," she said calmly. "Please, come in and have a seat."

I noticed then that Four was just standing there too, holding his plate. Max had either already eaten or planned to after this impromptu meeting, but I wondered why he invited Four and I to bring food when he didn't have any. She must have thought we looked like a couple of unprofessional assholes.

"Come, you two," she said more insistently, waving us over. "Don't be shy. Also, it's perfectly fine that you eat your meals here. You had no warning about this meeting, so therefore you shouldn't be punished by having to miss a meal to attend it."

Four and I exchanged glances and took seats at the table. Jeanine had been the leader of Erudite since before I defected, and though she always presented an amiable front, there was no mistaking the power that glinted in her eyes and that was, frankly, fucking intimidating.

She fixed me with a smile as I sat down. "Eric. It's always so good to see you. Tell me, how have things been?"

"Things have been well, ma'am," I said politely, ignoring my cooling lunch. "Thank you for asking."

"You're enjoying your position as a leader?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Jeanine glanced at Max. "Max says you've been doing a fine job. That the initiates have a good mix of fear and respect for you."

I bobbed my head. "I learned from the best, ma'am."

She smiled, looking pleased. "Very good. Well, I suppose you could say I have a special place for you in my heart, Eric, being that you are formerly Erudite. Based on your IQ, I was sorry to see you go, but I'm pleased to see that you are thriving here at Dauntless. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to let me know."

I could practically hear Four roll his eyes. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am."

She turned to Four. "And, you – Four, isn't it? Formerly Tobias Eaton, from Abnegation?"

_Tobias?_ I'd never really taken much time – well, any – to learn anything about Four's past. All I knew was that he was a stiff from Abnegation, and that was all I needed to know.

Four nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

She smiled again in her practiced way, and I could honestly see why she was the Erudite leader. She was a graceful, handsome woman and she knew just how to handle people. "And how have you been enjoying your time at Dauntless?"

"I've been enjoying it very much," Four said quietly. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Do you speak to your father much?"

It was asked lightly, but I knew there more to it than face-value. Marcus Eaton was the leader of Abnegation, and it was rumored lately that he was about to find himself in a shitstorm of soon-to-be public drama. There were also rumors that Erudite and Abnegation were having issues with each other, so I had to believe she was either trying to probe for intel or testing Four to see where his loyalty truly was.

Four looked at her steadily. "No, ma'am. Faction before blood." His voice was hard.

She nodded approvingly. "Of course. Very good. And you've been recently promoted to the position of trainer. I am told you and Eric work well as a team."

Hilarious. We had a strange bond, Four and I. We were close, but we also couldn't really stand each other. It was hard to explain. I'd have his back in times of trouble, of course, but you'd never catch us grabbing a beer together after a long day's work. But we did make a good training team, and if I was ever in a tight situation, there weren't many other people I'd want getting my back beyond him.

"Our differences and similarities make us quite cohesive," Four said eloquently.

"Very glad to hear that." She paused for a sip of water, and I noted that she did not invite Four to let her know if he ever needed anything. "Well, gentlemen, the reason for this meeting has two parts. The first is to discuss the weapons and prisoner you brought back two days ago. I believe you two led the teams – so very well done. I'm also told it was a Dauntless female that claimed the prisoner?"

"Yes, ma'am," I blurted out. Four gave me an odd look. Well, hell. Jayce deserved the recognition. "The prisoner had the drop on me. Jayce – she saved my life and then subdued him."

Jeanine nodded, her eyebrows lifting in approval. "Jayce. That name is familiar."

"Meloni," Max supplied. "Her parents were Dauntless. Royce and Juliana."

"Of course," Jeanine said. "I did know her parents well before they died."

I didn't know too much of Jayce's history, but I did know that her parents had been KIA on separate missions a few years ago. She never really talked too much about them, but I know that they had been a very close knit family.

"I'd like to meet this young lady," Jeanine went on. She smiled. "She sounds feisty. At any rate, we are here to collect the prisoner and the evidence and take them back to Erudite. We'd like to question him, as you can imagine, as well as examine the state of the weapons. After our investigation, they will then be returned to you here at Dauntless for your use. Eat your lunches, gentlemen."

Four and I exchanged a look and then began to eat. My food was cold, but I did as I was told.

Jeanine slowly got to her feet, her hands clasped behind her back. She wandered to the window and looked down at the Pit. "The other reason why I'm here," she said, "is to discuss with you an unpleasant matter. The topic is divergents."

Divergents? Four and I exchanged another look.

"Divergents, ma'am?" I asked politely.

She turned and smiled at me. "Yes, Eric. Divergents. I trust you have heard of them?"

Four said nothing. Max nodded. "I've heard of them," I said. "I suppose I don't know much about them." I had heard of divergents before, but people really didn't talk about them much. Supposedly they were people who didn't fit into just one faction. There had been murmurs of them as far as I could remember. They'd always been like some type of mythical creature to me. As far as I knew, I'd never seen one.

"Let me bring you up to speed, then. Divergents are individuals whose aptitude tests indicate they belong in more than one faction. More specifically, that they do not fit _in _with just one faction as everyone else does. For years they have lived among us, keeping to themselves, and making it seem as though they are normal people like us. In reality, these are the most dangerous people in the world."

"Dangerous how?" Four asked.

"As they cannot be placed into any one faction, their minds work in many different ways, and these are the minds of rebels. They will destroy the peace that our founding fathers strove to build. They seek to destroy this faction system that we have in place to protect everyone. We have very good reason to believe that they seek to take the power of the factions for themselves. In recent years, we have done everything we can to find the divergents and get rid of them. We have every reason to believe they are preparing to amass an all-out rebellion, start a war, and overthrow the leaders of all our factions to claim control for themselves. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people will be slaughtered by these monsters."

"Get _rid_ of them?" Four repeated slowly.

Jeanine looked at him steadily. "They are threats to our society, Four," she said quietly. "They must be destroyed."

"Where do we come in?" I asked.

She looked at me. "As Dauntless represents our law enforcement body, it is only natural that you would combine your resources with us, Erudite, to seek out divergents and destroy them. We have the intelligence and you have the means."

"How would we know a divergent if we saw one?" Max asked.

"You wouldn't, not based on appearance alone," Jeanine said. "Divergents are people that have many different sides to their personalities. If they belong to a particular faction, they may exhibit traits commonly found in other factions. I'm not talking about transfers holding onto some of their ingrained, dare I say, _bred_ traits. I'm talking about distinctive mixtures. They may question their faction authority. They may want to go against the rules, the laws. They may want to persuade others to their way of thinking. They are rebellious. And, most telling are the results of their aptitude tests."

She strolled back to the window. "Divergents' aptitude test results are always listed as being inconclusive."

"So why not go through all of the aptitude tests you have on file, find the ones that are inconclusive, and then get rid of them?" Max asked.

_Because they've probably already fucking done that, _I couldn't help thinking. It would be the first thing I would do.

"It's not always as simple as that, Max. Trust me, I have entire teams of Erudites on that task as we speak. And it's only somewhat effective. However, there are those who could have had manual results entered into their tests. Making it appear as if they only had one faction aptitude when in fact they would have multiple. These individuals are much harder to track down."

"So, find all the tests with manually entered results and bring them in," Max said.

"Again, not that simple. There could be a handful of different reasons for a manual result entry. That doesn't necessarily indicate divergence. Additionally, the process to determine which tests had manual entries is far more stringent than it sounds, requiring special programs and exponential man hours."

"So what do you want us to do, besides keep our eyes open for people who might be divergents?" I asked.

"That will be your main task, for starters. Anyone that you question will be brought to Erudite for questioning and examination. We hope that these investigations will turn out to be false concern." She smiled. "And those that turn out to be divergents will be disposed of. Beyond that, Erudite is in the process of developing simulation serums. Non-divergent minds will be affected by this serum, and divergent minds will not. Once we are ready to go live with the experiment, we will enlist the help of Dauntless to carry it out. If the experiment is successful, we will administer it on a much wider scale.

"Also, I'll be in contact again soon. As you may remember from your initiation process, the second stage has the fear simulations. Erudite has developed a new version of this training serum to be used at this stage. It's in its final stages, but we would like a small group of test subjects to try it out on. Once we deem it successful, it will be implemented into the initiate training program henceforth."

My mind was spinning a little. _Divergents. Experiments. Serum. Training simulation._

She looked around the table. "I believe I've taken up enough of your time for one day. Are there any questions?"

There was a chorus of "no, ma'am" all around the table.

She nodded crisply. "Very good. If you do have questions, please contact me immediately. And I believe it goes without saying that the information discussed in this meeting does not leave this room. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am." Good little soldiers, all of us.

_"_Good day, gentlemen. Max, would you be so kind as to show me out?"

"It would be my pleasure." Max held the door for her.

I watched them go then turned to Four. He was staring down at his plate, a hard, unreadable expression in his eyes.

"What do you make of all that?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "It sounds like they want to commit genocide, to me."

I looked at him in surprise. "Really? Divergents are a threat. You heard it, straight from the horse's mouth."

"So, what?" Four said, getting up from the table. "Because the leader of Erudite says something, it must be true?"

"They have the intelligence," I said slowly, "so my guess would be…yeah."

"I just don't think that she has it right," Four said. "If these people were truly a threat, they would have done something by now."

I lifted my brows. "That's awfully divergent-sounding of you."

He looked at me sharply. "I just meant that we may be focusing our attention in the wrong area. The Factionless should be our priority now." His tone was as sharp as the look he gave me. "Not some Erudite-led witch hunt."

I lifted my hands. "I'm kidding. Relax. Look, Four. I don't think you're wrong about the Factionless. But we are the law enforcement body. And Erudite is the intelligence. If they say we need to widen the scope of our mission, then that's what we do. I personally just think it's going to be like finding a needle in a haystack. No one's advertising themselves as divergent, obviously, so until they get their serum finalized, we're going to have a hell of a time figuring this one out."

"Yeah," he muttered.

"C'mon," I said. "It's time to get back to the Pit."

Before we reached the Pit, I saw Jayce and Dri standing by the chow hall, engrossed in conversation. I felt a little smile tug at my lips before I suppressed it. They both looked up as we neared, and I noticed that they must have been having at least a semi-serious talk because they both looked pretty concerned about something. But Jayce's face lit up at the sight of me, and Dri got an expression I could only describe as "smug".

"Ladies," Four said, nodding his head politely.

"Four," Dri said with a friendly smile. She glanced at me. "_Eric_." There was a decidedly more pointed note in her voice as she said my name and I didn't miss the little smirk she threw at Jayce. So apparently Dri had been informed of our newfound relationship situation. I lifted an eyebrow quizzically at Jayce, and she had the decency to look somewhat abashed, although I really wasn't upset at all. I just hadn't had time to process everything and think about how it would work.

"Ladies," I said, echoing Four.

"Did you see Jeanine Matthews?" Jayce asked. "We just saw her. She even came over and spoke to me. What was she doing at Dauntless?"

"We were just in a meeting with her," I said, and then felt Four subtly step on my toe. I glanced at him and he gave me a meaningful expression.

_Not too much. Remember what she said._

"Really?" Jayce said, her eyes wide. "A meeting about what?"

"She came to collect the stuff we found the other day," I said, which wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the only reason for her presence. And in fact, was a much less important reason for her visit. "And the Factionless prisoner we took."

"That's it?" Jayce said with a frown. "That's what she told me. I wasn't aware it required a long meeting. Did we get the chance to interrogate him?"

I looked at her in surprise. "Why would we have done that? Our mission was to find evidence and turn it over to Erudite. He falls into the category of evidence. Besides, interrogations are an Erudite thing. Even if we did it, they would be present."

She seemed flabbergasted. "Are you joking?" she demanded.

I frowned. Was this a trick question? "No. What would you hope to gain from conducting an interrogation on your own?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said sarcastically. "Maybe information on what the Factionless are planning. Who's training them. Where are they getting their weapons. You know."

"And what makes you think Erudite would be incapable of asking those questions?" I asked, trying not to feel offended. "We get the weapons, the supplies, the prisoner. The evidence. We turn it over to them."

"I know that that's protocol," Jayce said patiently. "I don't _like_ it, is what I'm saying."

"You…don't _like _it?" I repeated. I looked at Four, and he was looking at Jayce with that same hard, unreadable expression I'd caught on his face after Jeanine left. "Jayce, all due respect – it's not for you to like or dislike. It's SOP. Period."

"I just think," she began slowly, "that it would be better if we conducted our own interview first. Apart from Erudite. Then compare notes. Maybe we'd have asked questions Erudite wouldn't have thought to ask."

"_We _will ask questions that _Erudite _won't think to ask," I repeated. "Look, Jayce, I can appreciate your eagerness to figure this mess out, I really can. But we need to stay in our lanes. We're the brawn. They're the brain."

Her big gray eyes narrowed at me. "Thank you, Eric, for putting that into insultingly simple terms for me."

"Why don't you want Erudite to interview him?" I demanded, forgetting that Four and Dri were still standing there. "Where are you going with this, J?"

"I _do _want Erudite to interview him," she said sharply. "But I also wanted _us_ to interview him."

_What is she saying? _I shook my head slowly. "I can appreciate your dedication to putting the resistance down, I can. I mean that. But what you're suggesting is simply not done." I shrugged. "Sorry."

Jayce looked at me moodily and I could see her wheels turning. And her questions and comments had my wheels turning, too.

_She doesn't think Erudite can handle it? They're not competent enough? Or…she doesn't trust them?_

Suddenly, Jeanine Matthews' voice echoed in my head.

_They may question their faction authority. They may want to go against the rules, the laws. They may want to persuade others to their way of thinking. They are rebellious._

I shook my head a little. _Don't be ridiculous, Eric. _

I cleared my throat. "Four, I'll catch up to you in a second. Jayce, can I talk to you, in private?"

Four glanced at Jayce again, then bobbed his head. "See you in a few."

Dri shook herself. "Yeah, um, I've got to get back to work. I'll – I'll see you guys at dinner. Or, whatever." She gave a little wave and then headed off. I tried to remember what "work" was for Dri; I was pretty sure she was a weapons engineer.

Jayce folded her arms and looked up at me expectantly.

I sighed. "What was that all about?"

"What was _what_ all about, Eric?" she said calmly.

"Since when do you not trust Erudite to do their jobs?"

"Since when is Jeanine Matthews buddy-buddy with Max?" she shot back.

"Can you stop answering my questions with questions?"

"Can _you_ stop giving me a hard time?"

I gritted my teeth. She was an exasperating woman sometimes. I loved that about her, but now with an impending divergent "witch hunt", as Four so eloquently put it, I didn't need her doing anything that would make her stand out. She was a loyal soldier, not some rebel, and she didn't need the hassle of being targeted for something I knew she wasn't.

"All right," I said rigidly. "Look, I'm – I'm _sorry_ if it seemed like I was needling you. I wasn't. Just trying to let you know that Erudite will be taking over. Hey, I told Jeanine that it was you that caught the Factionless and I even said you saved my life – we can agree to disagree on that. She was impressed. That's why she wanted to talk to you. Said she knew your parents."

She pursed her lips. "Yes," she said finally, her tone muted. "She did. And it was…_nice _of her to speak to me. I guess. But I would have better appreciated a chance to take care of our own matters rather than have Jeanine Matthews' approval."

"We did take care of our own matters," I said, furrowing my brow. She was giving me a headache. "Now, it's their turn." I sighed. "Look, I need to get back to training. Are we – are we still on for tonight?"

Her face changed, just a little. It still looked mad, but her eyes glowed a tiny bit. "Yes. After dinner. I blew off Dri last night. Can't happen two nights in a row."

"Not that she wouldn't know why," I said dryly, but smiled a little.

Jayce shrugged and returned my little smile. "She's my best friend. What was I supposed to do?"

"Must be a woman thing." I glanced around surreptitiously. There was no one around. I leaned in and kissed her, quick but tingling. "I really have to go. I'll see you later."

"Bye," she whispered.

As I went to the Pit to join Four and the initiates, I couldn't help feeling nagged by all of Jayce's questions and comments.

_Jeanine just freaked you out, _I told myself. _It's nothing. It's _nothing.

It was hard to shake off.

* * *

><p><em>Jayce<em>

I did three huge back pieces that afternoon on two girls and a guy. It took me right up until it was time to meet Dri for dinner. I was a little bit surprised that I was able to focus on my work with the way my mind was spinning from my argument with Eric earlier.

I didn't understand why he seemed to be so surprised by my opinion that Dauntless could handle their own interrogations. I didn't understand why it seemed so outlandish for me to want to do that – after all, we collected the evidence and the prisoner. Should we not retain the right to ask the questions?

I understood that Erudite was the intelligence center and I also understood that they were a bunch of control freaks. Frankly, I found it offensive that they believed they were the only faction who could think and act "correctly" when it came to making decisions. They weren't "in the shit", as we soldiers liked to say. They didn't see every single thing we saw. And if I was going to be all the way one hundred percent honest, I didn't like the constant feeling I had that we were just their little "errand boys" to do their dirty work for them. Erudite was far too pristine to muddy their own hands, so that was why they had us around.

Then there was the matter of seeing Jeanine Matthews strolling through Dauntless as if she had every right to be there. The sight in and of itself was disarming, because Jeanine was a striking woman in every sense of the word. She was a beautiful woman, but in a cold way. There was no warmth in her eyes or her face. Her hair was a cool blonde color, and she was forever wearing cool colors like navy and gray and white. Dri and I had been coming out of the cafeteria when she'd passed us, and we both stopped in our tracks as if we were a couple of naughty kids who had just been caught by Mom.

What had been even more disturbing, though, at least to me, was seeing Max at her side, obviously escorting her out of the compound. I'd never seen him that way before – practically simpering at her, grinning a huge, toothy grin every time she said something to him. It was extremely unsettling.

And then, he'd stopped in front of us, touching Jeanine's elbow. "Ma'am. This here is the cowgirl who wrangled the prisoner."

I wanted to frown at Max but I kept my composure.

Jeanine had turned her practiced smile on me and truly, it was hard not to fall under her charm. "Very well done, Miss Meloni."

"Jayce," I had replied, warily reaching out to shake her proffered hand. "Just Jayce."

"Jayce," she'd repeated. She'd smiled indulgently. "I was acquainted with your parents. Royce and Juliana, if I'm not mistaken." She had reached out to place her hand on my forearm. "I was so sorry to hear of their passings. But they died like true Dauntless. I know you're proud of them."

Both of my parents were deceased. They had died on separate missions, KIA. My father had died when I was nineteen and my mother a few years before. She'd died shortly after my Choosing Day ceremony, as a matter of fact. I'd never gotten the full details of their deaths, but I'd been told they both died bravely in the line of duty, so I at least could be proud of that.

I didn't like to talk about them much, because I had so many unresolved feelings about their deaths. I had idolized my mother and been my dad's little princess, so finding myself without either of them at a relatively young age had been jarring.

And finding out that Jeanine had been acquainted with _my _parents made me feel extremely uneasy.

I'd looked down at my arm where her hand was and could have sworn I felt my skin burning. "I am," I said simply. "Thank you…ma'am."

She smiled. "It was very nice to meet you, and what a coincidence that I knew the parents of the brave young soldier who saved a Dauntless life and got a valuable prisoner. Well, we'll be collecting him today. Keep up the good work."

Then Max had nodded at us and led her off. Jeanine had looked back at me, giving me a long measured stare before that practiced smile fell over her face and she strode out of Dauntless.

Seeing her and being told she was "collecting" the prisoner we'd captured had instantly pushed my mind into motion, and it had started the conversation between Eric and me – the near-argument. I couldn't wrap my mind around the way he couldn't seem to understand my side, and what was more – it seemed like he wanted to shut up.

And I _really _didn't appreciate that.

I knew that I was a little different than most Dauntless. My parents had raised me to be inquisitive and to understand that while loyalty to one's faction was important, so was the ability to think for oneself. I knew I had a habit of running my mouth sometimes, and that when I was a little bit younger I got teased for being the most un-Dauntless-like Dauntless, except when it really mattered – in the field. I was forever getting teased about being too mouthy like a Candor, too gentle like an Amity, too kind and selfless like an Abnegation stiff. Hell, just last night Eric had teased me about being like a Candor. I always took it in stride, but honestly – all of those things about me were true. I _did _have a little piece of each faction inside me. Dauntless had the strongest pull. I didn't see what was wrong with that, but it seemed like it was something people frowned upon beneath their teasing.

I decided that I would need to speak to him some more about this when we saw each other later. I wanted to get his true thoughts about our conversation in private. Then I thought about being in private with Eric, and shivered pleasantly. It was difficult to focus on anything other than _him _when it was just the two of us.

I was cleaning off and putting away my instruments when I heard knuckles rap on the doorway of my station.

I smiled in spite of myself, in spite of my annoyance with him. "Couldn't wait until later, huh?"

"What?"

I whirled around, my face on fire. It was Four. "Oh. Um. Sorry, Four. I thought you were someone else."

"Clearly," he said, cocking an eyebrow at me.

I cleared my throat and changed the subject. "What, uh, what can I do for you? I was just closing down, but if you need me to touch up your tat –"

Four's back tattoo was one of my masterpieces. In the same way that I thought of myself as having a little piece of each faction in me, I thought it was awesome that he seemed to feel the same way as me, representing all of the factions in one huge piece. He had explained his reasoning to me back then – not only did he want to be brave, but he wanted to be honest, selfless, kind, and intelligent. All five factions together. It had taken a couple of sessions to do, but I thought it turned out beautifully. On the rare occasions that I saw it – when he wanted to get it touched up in places – it made me proud all over again. And it also made me feel bonded to him in a weird way, like the tattoo just connected us because we shared the same ideology.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, and I'm sorry to intrude at the end of your day. I just – I just need to speak with you about something. It's important, and I only have a few minutes before I have to get back."

My eyebrows shot up. Four needed to speak with _me _about something important? "Okay," I said slowly. "What's up?"

He sighed, hesitating, and met my gaze. "I know we're not exactly friends, Jayce, but I respect you, and we've always at least been friendly. Correct?"

I was puzzled. "Yeah, of course," I said. "I like you. I think you're a great person. A great leader. Great trainer."

"Thanks." He bobbed his head in appreciation. "And likewise, I think you're one of Dauntless's best. Brave, intelligent, talented, and above all else, loyal."

"Thanks," I echoed, feeling even more puzzled. Where was he going with this?

"That's why I need to tell you that the conversation you and Eric had this afternoon can never, ever be repeated." He paused briefly, eyeing me. "Not to Eric. Not to Dri. Not to me. And most certainly, never to Max."

I drew my head back and instantly felt total unease. "Why?" I asked slowly.

He walked around the table, holding up a hand. His face and his voice were both urgent. "I can't – I can't really explain it to you yet. I don't know enough. But listen to me – don't tell anyone that you think we need to interrogate the prisoner. All right? We'll keep that between us. I'm…_pretty_ sure you can trust Eric and Dri."

"Pretty sure?" I repeated. "Dri is my best friend and Eric…" I trailed off. _How do I tell him that we're in love?_

"I know," Four said, closing his eyes and nodding. "I know. I don't believe either one would knowingly betray you, but if Erudite accomplishes…" He trailed off. "If Erudite accomplishes their mission, neither of them may be able to resist."

"Resist _what?"_ I said, narrowing my eyes. Something serious was up, and Four knew what it was. I wondered if this had anything to do with what I'd just been thinking about myself – the things that made me different than most Dauntless. All this because I'd said that I thought we should interrogate our own prisoners? "What mission? Four – you need to tell me what's going on."

Four set his mouth in a thin, hard line, his handsome face drawn. "I've said too much already, and I've got to get going. Listen to me, J – I'm only trying to protect you here. Just heed my advice – no more comments like the ones you made today, to _anyone_. And under no circumstances are you to repeat our conversation to anyone – especially not Eric. Do I have your word?"

I was beyond confused. I met his gaze, and he was staring at me, completely and totally dead serious. As if it was a matter of life and death. He was scaring me.

"No," I said slowly. "I can't give you my word when you're being cryptic. You're trying to protect me? From what? What is Erudite doing?"

Four sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You are the most stubborn person I have ever met, and that is saying something coming from me." He met my eyes. "All I can tell you is that I know you're different, Jayce. You think differently than most Dauntless do. Your personality is…different. And I've just received some information today that suggests that those differences could be detrimental." His mouth tightened again. "To your life."

"What," I said in a low voice, my eyes boring holes into him. "Four. _What?_"

He approached me, holding out a hand, pitching his voice low. "I'll give you more information when I can – when I figure out for sure what's going on. But you have to _promise_, J. Keep a low profile, and frankly – you need to keep your mouth mostly shut from now on. About _everything._ Just be a good soldier, do tattoos, heal the sick – whatever it is that you do. But no more comments, no more opinions, nothing."

"You want me to be a fucking robot?" I asked in disgust.

He met my gaze. "If it means staying alive – yes. We'll talk again, in private. I'll come to you. I really have to go now. In the meantime – do I have your word?"

My head was absolutely spinning, and the fear uncoiling in my stomach was making me nauseous. "Yes," I muttered. "But we _will _talk again – and soon."

He turned to go. At the doorway, he suddenly looked back at me. "One more thing. Have you ever seen the results of your aptitude test?"

I blinked. "The one I took when I was sixteen?"

"Yes."

I shrugged. "No."

"Do you know your result?"

I looked at him suspiciously. "Dauntless," I said. "Of course. Why?"

"Were you told that was what was entered?"

I thought back to that day, thought of my test admin. The way he'd stared at the screen for a long time, his eyes narrow, his face – his face looking a whole lot like Four's right now. I remembered he'd hit some key on the keyboard several times, then typed something in. "Dauntless," he'd said, his voice cold and clipped. "Now get the hell out of here."

Thinking back, I'd always thought he'd sounded mad. But as I thought if now, comparing his body language and tone to Four's, I realized he'd been scared. Scared and concerned – for me.

"Dauntless is what was entered," I said slowly. "Manually entered for me."

Four drew in a deep breath. "That's what I thought," he muttered, more to himself than to me. "That's what I thought." Then he looked at me, very sharply.

"Between us," he said emphatically, and then disappeared.

I stared after him, feeling my heart thumping hard in my chest, wondering how things had taken such a sudden, dangerous turn.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hi, poopies! SO very sorry for the 2-week wait. I spoiled you guys, I know, with daily updates. Work and real life has been a little bit busy and crazy the past couple weeks, so I apologize very much that I haven't updated before now. Also I must confess to a little bit of writer's block also. I knew pretty much where I wanted to go, but it was just the getting there was the hard part. **

**This chapter is a little bit gloomy but I had to include some sweet smex in there for you. It IS Valentine's Day (tomorrow) after all. You guys are all my literary Valentines. You can leave your little heart-shaped cards in my decorated shoe box known as the "Reviews" box at the bottom of the page. (see what I did there?) LURVE YOU GUYS MERCH.**

**Sloppy kiss and shout-out to Mals86 for her extraordinary trampoline abilities. THANK YOU AGAIN GURL. **

**Without further ado, Chapter 10. **

**xoxo**

**Chapter 10**

_Jayce_

When Eric showed up at my door later that night, he could immediately sense that something was wrong with me. I had stewed all day about my strange conversation with Four and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the horrible feeling in my gut that was unfurling more and more quickly.

There was something very, very wrong happening. Or it was going to happen, and soon.

I'd tried to tell myself that he was overreacting, but his repeated warning to keep my mouth shut and my head down kept replaying in my head. I'd had every intention of revisiting my conversation with Eric from after lunch, but now… Now, I wasn't so sure I should say anything.

_"I'm…pretty sure you can trust Eric."_

It wasn't that I didn't trust Eric. I didn't know who or what to trust, and my instincts told me that I needed to be careful. Careful about _what_ was the thing that was driving me crazy.

When I opened the door and found myself looking up into Eric's blue-gray eyes, and saw the lazy smile curling around his lips, I did my best to return his smile. I was happy to see him, of course. But worry was eating away at my gut. And I didn't know _why_.

"Hey," I said softly, feeling a little of the fear recede at the sight of his face.

Immediately he frowned, his narrowing. "What's wrong?"

My stomach leapt into my throat. "What?"

He sighed, reaching out to take my forearms and backing me into the apartment, using his foot to shut the door. "Jayce," he said, tilting my chin upward, forcing me to look him in the eye. "Are you upset about something?"

"Huh?" I replied, my heart speeding up.

"Are you pissed off at me from earlier?"

"What?" I said again, then mentally kicked myself. I sounded like an imbecile. "I mean, no. I'm not mad at you."

"You sure?" he said, still regarding me suspiciously. "You were pretty fired up. I wasn't trying to…insult your intelligence. I just wanted to remind you that there's a protocol, and we don't have the clearance to deviate from it or change it. That's all."

I blinked, hesitating. I wanted so much to tell him about my talk with Four. But he'd told me not to speak about it to anyone – up to and including Eric. I smiled gently and placed my hands on his chest. "I'm not upset. Anymore," I added with a little smirk. "I understand. I guess – I don't know what was up with me earlier. It's not my place to say anything like that."

Eric frowned down at me. "You can say whatever you want to me. I just –" He hesitated. "I just don't think it's a good idea for you to say them to anyone _but_ me."

My head snapped up and I looked at him sharply. He sounded a lot like Four. I opened and then closed my mouth with a snap. What could I say?

"Don't worry," I said finally, and reached up to touch his face. "Really."

He sighed and relaxed a little, leaning into my touch slightly. His eyes searched mine. "Why do I get the feeling there's something else?" he asked softly.

I swallowed. "There's nothing," I lied. I smiled again. "Don't worry, Eric." Then, to distract him, I stroked my thumb over his lower lip. His eyes darkened immediately.

"I missed you this afternoon," I said quietly.

"Hm," he replied. "Why do I get the feeling you're just trying to change the subject?" Nonetheless, he reached out and slipped a hand around my waist, and I smiled.

"You're just distracting me," I informed him, letting him pull me close. "Because I'm still all curious about what Jeanine had to say to you earlier."

He paused for an instant before lowering his eyes to my shoulder. "Just business," he said simply, pushing my hair over my shoulder. He leaned in to take a deep breath against me, pulling in my scent. "Just so you know," he added quietly, "I missed you this afternoon, too. You're very distracting yourself."

"More live bullets and diverting thoughts?" I asked breathlessly as his lips skimmed the side of my neck.

His hands slid to my hips, squeezing gently. "Something like that."

There was a teasing note in his voice and I looked up into his face. His eyes were so clear and calm, so unguarded. He felt safe around me, I could tell on some strange intrinsic level, safe enough to let his walls down and explore a side of himself I wasn't even sure he knew he had.

And looking at his face and into those eyes suddenly made my previous worry resurface, overwhelming me. I felt a deep sense of foreboding, as if Eric would be taken away from me somehow, and it was completely despairing.

Immediately his eyes darkened and his brow furrowed. "Jayce, _what_?" he asked urgently. "Christ, what is it? Just talk to me."

I just shook my head, suddenly realizing I'd started gripping his shirt in my hands. And my hands were trembling.

His hands moved to my shoulders, gripping them firmly. "You can talk to me," he said quietly. "I know – I know I can be a prick sometimes, but if you need to talk –"

If he said another word, I would talk. And that was what killed me the most – I didn't know if I could trust him with the information.

"No talking," I said hoarsely, and felt another overwhelming emotion wash over me – need. "I just – I just need you."

I hauled him into me and captured his mouth with my own, as much driven by need for him as the need to end the conversation. He surrendered quickly, his arms going around me, and the feel of him was so comforting and made me feel so secure. I fought the inexplicable urge to start crying and stumbled backward toward my bed, dragging him with me.

We collapsed onto it, and I feverishly began tugging at his shirt. He got it over his head and I pulled his mouth back down to mine. I just _needed. _I needed him, I needed to touch him, to have him and to let him have me. I needed the safety and security of him and his touch, and it was making me desperate.

When we were finally naked, he held himself over me, breathing hard. He ran a hand through my hair, looking down at me.

"Jayce," he murmured, and my name was a question.

"I really need you," I said hoarsely, and I couldn't keep the emotion in my voice away. I'd probably have to answer for it later, but I didn't care. _Do not start crying. Do not start crying. _

He moved into me slowly, the sensation making me gasp sharply. I heard his low, soft groan in my ear and felt the comforting weight of him pressing me into the mattress. He was so warm, and solid, and feeling him on top of me, against me, inside me, brought me a feeling of security I desperately craved.

_It's only temporary. _

I ignored the voice in my head, sliding my knees up until they hugged his ribs, and wrapped my arms around him. He began to move, his hips pulling back and canting forward at a slow, measured pace. I felt his mouth against my throat and I held him as close as I could.

"This okay?" he murmured into my skin. "You okay?"

"Yes," I whispered back, my eyes closing. "Don't stop."

He didn't stop. I felt his lips press against the column of my throat, and then he lifted his head and looked down into my eyes. I stared up at him, my hands cupping the back of his neck.

"You're so beautiful," he said quietly, and I was momentarily shocked enough to forget my worry. Eric cursing during sex, sure. Eric talking a little dirty during sex – okay, maybe. But Eric telling me I was beautiful? Completely unprecedented. And it made my heart soar.

"You're beautiful," I breathed back, and I meant it.

His hips started moving more intently, his jaw clenching and his biceps flexing as he balanced his weight on his arms.

"I need you close," I whispered, and he lowered himself to me again, his mouth leisurely finding mine. He felt so good. I wrapped my arms tight around him again. His lips brushed my ear.

"I love you," he said, very quietly.

I couldn't help it. The tears finally began to leak from the corners of my eyes as I squeezed them shut. "I love you," I replied.

The words seemed to spur him on, his hips moving into overdrive. My body and my mind separated and I felt the desperate need I'd experienced not long ago center itself deep between my legs and build. Both of his hands cupped my head, tangling in my hair, and in a quiet, synchronized explosion we shattered around each other. After a moment he stilled on top of me, breathing hard but quietly, and I held him close because I couldn't stand to have any part of his heavy warmth taken from me.

"I'm probably crushing you," he said in a low voice after a moment.

"Don't move," I replied, intending for it to sound like an order but it came out like a plea.

We fell asleep like that. My last thought before drifting off was a fervent wish we could stay that way forever.

* * *

><p>Later, well into the night, I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling.<p>

Eric was sleeping peacefully beside me, sated and worn out. I looked over at him, picking up the way the moonlight creeping in between my blinds highlighted his back, the muscles there. He was lying on his belly and facing away from me, but one heavy arm was still draped over me, as though he couldn't bear to not touch me, even in sleep. I ran my fingertips lightly up and down his forearm.

I couldn't shut my mind off.

I kept replaying the conversation with Four from that afternoon. I knew that there was a connection between what he said to me and Jeanine Matthews' appearance at Dauntless. It was simply too coincidental to be a coincidence.

He'd said that Erudite was involved – they had a mission. And he'd said that my well-documented differences could be a detriment.

To my life.

He said I needed to keep my mouth shut – to save my own life. I was facing something that was literally a matter of life and death, apparently.

My mind continued to whirl as that conversation replayed over and over in my head. In between Four's haunting words were the teasing comments that I'd received my entire life about being different.

_"That's very Candor of you, Dauntless." _The very words Eric had said to me just the previous night boomed in my head.

Candor. Dauntless. Amity. Abnegation. Erudite. All of them, distinctive traits that created distinctive factions, and there was a little bit of each of them inside me.

_"One more thing. Have you ever seen the results of your aptitude test?"_

_"Dauntless is what was entered. Manually entered for me."_

_"That's what I thought."_

What did it mean? What did Four know about manual entries that I didn't?

And then that day came back to me, the day of my aptitude test.

_I woke from the serum with a gasp, my heart pounding. I could still see that dog, that huge, slavering beast who stared at me with hatred in his eyes. It had seemed so real, but yet, underneath it all, there was a part of me that knew it wasn't. It was why, after nanoseconds of internal debate as to whether I should distract him with the steak or take him head-on with the knife, that I realized neither choice mattered because this was a simulation. It was why I grabbed the knife with confidence, but knew that I could use my own mind to turn the enormous beast into a small, adorable puppy because – it wasn't real. It was like a dream, and sometimes, I could manipulate my own dreams. Why should this be any different?_

_I looked at my test admin. He was staring at me with a very odd expression on his face. And I realized after a moment that he was trembling slightly. Even his mohawk was quivering a little bit. _

_"Well?" I asked with an expectant smile, feeling my heart rate start to calm down. "Well? How'd I do? What'd I get?"_

_The test admin stared at the screen on his laptop, his eyes narrow. He seemed mad or scared or both. I didn't know much about testing but based on what my parents told me, they would get an instant result and then tell me what I was. And then I'd make my choice based on that. _

_After a long pause, the test admin reached out and deliberately began tapping a button on the keyboard. Based on the area of the keyboard he was tapping, it looked like he was hitting the backspace button. Like he was deleting something. _

_Then he looked at me steadily again, and it sent a chill down my spine. Goosebumps prickled my skin. "What?" I asked, but my voice came out in a whisper. _

_"Dauntless," he practically snapped at me, bringing me up short. Then he typed rapidly into the keyboard. I found myself counting the number of keystrokes automatically, because I was afraid and my mind wanted to distract itself. Nine letters. "Dauntless" had nine letters. _

_He was typing in my result?_

_He looked at me again. "Now get the hell out of here."_

_I scrambled out of the chair as fast as I could, hurrying for the door. The guy was mean, and freaking me out, and my confused mind drowned out the sound of his voice behind me, filing his words deep in my subconscious where I could bury them and forget them. _

Until now.

I swallowed hard, staring up at the ceiling, and the words that he'd spoken as I left the room suddenly blazed in my ears, like he was saying them to me right now.

_"I'm not going to get killed because you're a divergent. Don't tell anyone about this!"_

Divergent.

I knew about divergents. They were supposed to be natural born rebels. They were different, unable to fit into any faction so they were considered a threat to society. I knew that it was rumored that some factions, like Abnegation and Amity, supposedly harbored divergents. They'd always been talked about in whispers and hushed voices. No one I knew, knew any divergents. And I certainly didn't know any.

And then the irony of it hit me – the only divergent I knew was myself, and apparently I did _not_ know myself at all.

I shook my head. I couldn't be a divergent. I was twenty-four – how could I have escaped notice all these years if it was true? I was Dauntless – that was where my loyalty was, that was who I was bred to be. I wasn't rebellious, and I obeyed the laws of the faction. I didn't belong anywhere else.

Did I?

Maybe I was just really good at being Dauntless. And if my test admin from eight years ago had manually entered my result, that was why I was able to get by as Dauntless. But what had happened to him? I'd recognize that mohawk and those piercing eyes anywhere if he was still around Dauntless. What had happened to him? Was he dead? Did he get killed because of me? Because of who he said I was?

Four's words came back to me again.

_"All I can tell you is that I know you're different, Jayce. You think differently than most Dauntless do. Your personality is…different. And I've just received some information today that suggests that those differences could be detrimental. To your life."_

Four knew something about me. I didn't know how he knew, but he did.

I couldn't fully embrace the notion that I was a divergent. It was just too ridiculous. Ridiculous and absurd and illogical.

And terrifying.

But Four knew something, and I intended to make him tell me what it was.

I felt Eric stirring beside me and glanced over. He pushed himself up to his elbows, looking down at me. With the moonlight illuminating his face I noted how alert he seemed for someone who had been dead asleep. And I also saw the look of concern on his face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice husky. "You were scratching at my arm."

"I was?" I withdrew my fingers from his arm. I hadn't meant to dig my nails in. "Sorry."

"You're breathing hard," he noted softly. His fingers brushed my face. "Your skin feels clammy." His hand drifted down to my bare chest, his fingers pressing down over my breast. "And your heart is racing."

"That's just what you do to me," I joked lamely.

"Don't do that," he said quietly. "I know you're terrified. I can practically smell it on you."

"I just – I had a bad dream," I whispered. "I guess I must have clawed you in my sleep."

"What was the dream?"

_That I realized I was a divergent. _"I – I can't remember all of a sudden."

"Jayce," he said, and I could hear the dismay in his voice.

"It's okay," I said. "It was – it was just a dream."

_No. A living nightmare._

"Eric?"

"Yes?"

I swallowed audibly. "Will you – can you hold me?" My voice sounded very, very small.

He paused only for an instant before I felt his strong arms wind around me, pulling me in tight against him. His chest was against my back, and his arms held me in a way that was almost protective.

After a beat of silence, he whispered in my ear. "Is this better?"

I snuggled into his embrace, staring into the darkness. "Yes. Thank you."

_Only if you never let me go._

* * *

><p>I skipped breakfast that morning, only popping into the chow hall to let Dri know I wouldn't be staying. I barely even heard her response before I turned to leave.<p>

On the way out I spotted Four. He looked at me and nodded casually in greeting, as if yesterday hadn't happened. In passing I grabbed his wrist and he looked at me in mild surprise.

"I need to speak with you as soon as you get a minute," I said in a low voice.

His face was impassive. "Regarding what, J?"

"Regarding exactly what the fuck you _think_, Four," I whispered harshly. I didn't give him a chance to reply and released him, heading to my station in the tattoo parlor.

On the way there, I passed a group of Dauntless and Erudites, led by Max, heading my direction. I stepped out of the way. Max nodded at me as he passed.

"Lady J," he said.

"Max," I echoed. I noticed that the Erudite minions were holding small wooden crates in their hands, and that the Dauntless who were escorting them were carrying rifles. I watched as they disappeared down the hall toward the simulation labs.

_What the hell is that about?_

I expected Four to take his time to come talk to me, but no sooner than I started getting my equipment ready, he popped his head in the door. His face was very serious.

"Eric is holding initiate bouts in the ring," he said. "My office. Now."

I followed him without a word. We passed the training area, where two initiates were in the ring going at each other. Eric was standing off to the side, watching them intently with his arms folded. He never noticed me and Four, and I felt strangely guilty.

I walked into the office Eric and Four shared and he shut the door behind me. His eyes burned with intensity as he sat on the edge of his desk, folding his arms.

"Well?" he asked quietly.

I looked at him. "I need to know what you know," I replied in a low voice. "I was up all night long thinking about – about everything and – and –"

"Did you tell him?" he asked evenly, and I knew he was talking about Eric.

I pursed my lips. Now was not the time to be embarrassed by the realization that Eric's and my "secret affair" was not so secret after all. "No. I didn't say anything. But he knows something's up with me."

"Good. That you didn't say anything, I mean."

"Why can I not say anything?" I demanded. "Why do I feel like I can't – I don't –" I shook my head in frustration, those overwhelming feelings washing over me again. I looked at Four again, vaguely registering the compassion on his face through my tumult.

"I need to hear you say it," I whispered. "Tell me. Who – what – am I?"

He seemed to stare back at me for what could have been a minute or an hour. Finally, he said, "You're a divergent."

I felt the strange, sudden urge to faint, but clenched my jaw and looked at him steadily. "And how do you know that?"

He gave me another long, measured stare. "The better question is how do we prevent anyone else from finding that out?" He got up from the desk and began to pace.

"Jayce, I'm a leader. I'm privy to all kinds of information that you couldn't even begin to conceive of. And I'm going to be honest with you – yesterday, Jeanine Matthews was here because she wants Dauntless to head up a – a hunting party of sorts." He glanced at me. "Did Eric tell you this?"

"No," I replied faintly. "He just said she was there for business."

"He's a good soldier," Four murmured, almost to himself. "I'm going to be blunt with you and also ask you not to repeat this to anyone, although I think you know by now that secrecy is your only defense at this point."

I nodded.

"Erudite wants us to hunt divergents."

I shook my head slowly, dazed. I wasn't even able to wrap my mind around the fact that he'd said I was a divergent, much less able to understand that I was to be hunted. "Four – I –"

He crossed the room quickly and grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a good, hard shake. "Snap out of it," he said, his voice and eyes hard. "Wake the hell up, Jayce. It's a lot to take in, I know, but we do not have time for me to babystep you into this. You're a divergent. It doesn't matter how I know, but I'm the only one who does. If I wasn't, I would have heard it about it by now and you would surely be dead. So I need you to get a grip on yourself like I know you can, and you need to hear me and do exactly what I say. All right?"

I nodded mutely. He was right – the time to mull over what I was, was not now. And if I was going to be honest with myself, I wasn't entirely surprised by the revelation. I'd always been different in a way that wasn't "normal". I just never expected that my life would be in danger because of it.

He nodded back tersely and released me. "We've been instructed to keep an eye open for people who exhibit behaviors that are consistent with divergents. Erudite is developing a testing mechanism that will further force divergents out into the open. I don't know exactly what their motivation is all of a sudden, but I suspect that this is a power move more than a 'good-of-the-factions' move."

"You don't like Erudite," I said.

He glared at me. "Who does? They're a bunch of arrogant pricks who think they know everything, and they're not to be trusted. Period. And if I said that outside this room, I'd probably be gunned down. So how do you think _your _comments from yesterday would have gone over if the wrong person had heard you?"

It was a rhetorical question, obviously. I took a deep breath. "So, now what?" I said softly. "Do I just hide in public for the rest of my life?"

"Pretty much," he said bluntly.

"That's no way to live."

"At least you'll be _alive_," Four replied emphatically. He frowned at me. "Why are we even having this conversation? You do what it takes to _survive, _Jayce. Period."

"Until one day I 'slip up' and my natural divergent tendencies surface somehow and I find my head on a chopping board, anyway," I hissed back. "Four, these factions are _it_. I can't leave Dauntless. I can't go past the perimeter. I don't know what the hell is out there. So I'm going to spend the rest of my life, what – trapped in the most dangerous place I can be, apparently?"

"It can be done," he insisted almost angrily. "And if you place any value on your life, you'll do whatever it takes."

I folded my arms. "What's the mission you mentioned yesterday? Erudite's mission."

He shrugged. "It's still in development. But from what I understand, it's an experiment being designed to irrefutably showcase true divergents in a social setting." He paused. "And then they'll be annihilated."

I felt my blood freeze. "So how can I _possibly_ fucking escape that?"

He reached out and put his hands on my shoulders again. "I will find out everything I can about it," he promised me. "And we – we'll think of something."

I looked into his face. He seemed to believe what he was saying. He meant what he was saying. "Why do you care so much?" I asked. "Why would you go so far to protect me – protect _us_?"

"Just you," he said wryly, dropping his hands. "So far you're the only one I know about for sure."

"Why?" I demanded, but my voice came out as a whisper.

He sighed heavily. He stared at the floor for a long time. Finally, he looked up at me. "Because I'm a divergent, too."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. "You – _what_?"

He stared at me intensely. "I never – and I repeat, _fucking never _– intended to tell anyone that. The only reason I'm telling you is because – I trust you. But you have to understand that by telling you that, I'm risking my life even more than I was by just existing. You have the power to get me killed, Jayce. Unintentionally or otherwise."

"Why would I intentionally get you killed?" I asked, taken aback.

He sighed again. "Picture this. Erudite has you. They tell you that they'll spare your life in exchange for names of other divergents." He gave me a meaningful look. "They can be very persuasive when it comes to getting information." His lips twisted into a wry smirk. "Ask your Amity prisoner friend. I assure you, Jayce, that you don't need to worry about Erudite's effectiveness at extracting information."

I swallowed hard. I had just been inundated with enough information to make my knees want to give out beneath me, but the realization that I now virtually held Four's life in my hands was the only thing I could think of.

Strangely, I trusted him with my life more than I did myself with his.

Four lifted an eyebrow at me. "So," he said. "Now you know that I'm in the same boat as you. I'll do my best to help you, J. But for now, you need to do as I said yesterday and keep a low profile." He hesitated. "I know you and Eric are – together. And I'd like to think that he would protect you, but he's Jeanine's pet, since they're both Erudite-born, and she's grooming him for some kind of upper leadership position. I don't know Eric like you do, but it would just be safer for you to not say anything about any of this."

"I know," I whispered. "I know."

Four regarded me with something like sympathy in his eyes. "It's a shit situation," he said bluntly. "I know. It's fucked up. We're not bad people. But they don't understand anything about divergents, and it's human nature to fear what you don't understand. We're a threat to them by simply existing, Jayce, so we have to be as…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "As _normal _as possible."

Whatever the hell that meant.

There was a knock on the door. "Four? You in there?"

Eric.

Four looked at me. "Hide," he hissed. "Under the desk."

"But –"

"He won't understand and he'll get suspicious. Hide. Now. Wait for a minute then slip out the door. I'll make sure he doesn't see."

Another knock. "Four?"

"Yeah," he called. "Just a sec. Was pulling a file on an initiate."

While he was talking I ducked behind the desk, confused and frightened. Why should I be frightened of Eric? I loved him. And he loved me.

_Will he still once he finds out what you really are?_

Four had pulled the door open. "Sorry."

"The fuck, man?" Eric said. He sounded annoyed but not suspicious. "What were you in here doing?"

I heard their feet shuffling on the ground. "Pulling a file on MJ, the Amity transfer. Remember she had that shoulder thing she said was an old injury? I just wanted to verify…"

His voice trailed off as the door shut behind them.

I realized then that I'd been holding my breath and expelled it in a long, heavy stream. I counted out a minute, then got to my feet and slipped out the door. Four and Eric were standing by the ring, their backs to me, talking as they watched the initiates continue to fight. Four glanced very briefly over his shoulder at me, still talking, and gave me the slightest of nods.

I went back to my station, and gave serious thought to going home ill. Because I was. I felt like throwing up.

_You go home now, you're only going to rouse suspicion. First Eric's, then Dri's. They'll ask Tori what was wrong with me. They can both already tell something is up. Four's right. I have to maintain. I have to keep my shit together._

That was the only course of action. The alternative – apparently, dying – was far less appealing


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey there! Once again, sorry SO long with no update. Between life and the major blockage I have been having, it has been impossible for me to write. BUT, I've had at least a couple minor plot breakthroughs, and special thanks to Nik216 and Mals86 for helping me sort through them. I am particularly excited for the next couple chapters. **

**Also I meant to get this out a couple days sooner in honor of Mr. Courtney's birthday. So consider this a belated gift for all you dedicated Jai fans out there. Also, in honor of Insurgent opening up this weekend, I will try to get another update this week for you! How would that be?! **

**Please leave me reviews. They make me feel extra-special and help me speed up with updates. I greatly appreciate all the support! Thank you for reading!**

**Chapter 11**

_Eric_

Once the initiates had been released for lunch, I started to head back toward the tattoo parlor. I wanted to see Jayce, and more than that, I wanted to make sure she was all right.

Her strange behavior from the day and night before was still haunting me. She'd seemed like she was deeply unnerved by something, and her actions and behaviors only cemented my suspicion. The way she'd touched me, held me – it had been amazing, of course, but there was something almost desperate behind it.

Like she was frightened. Terrified, even.

Regardless of the fact that she wouldn't tell me what was really going on, I wasn't a stupid man, nor was I ignorant to her moods. I was concerned, and a little bit offended that she wouldn't just tell me what was wrong. I cursed my inexperience dealing with women on an emotional level – was this a woman thing, or was she actually hiding something from me? Was this a situation where I was supposed to dig and dig and dig at her until she felt I cared enough about her to be forthcoming, or did she really not want to talk about it?

I'd been prepared to get yelled at when I first showed up at her apartment; Jayce was a pretty feisty and stubborn woman at times, and I'm sure she interpreted our talk outside the cafeteria as me potentially speaking down to her – I hadn't been, or at least, not intentionally. But I'd been ready to accept the consequences of her assuming that was what I had done. I _hadn't_ been ready to see the way she'd backed down from that fight, or the look of fear in her eyes.

I felt bad that she'd asked me about my meeting with Jeanine and I'd responded so vaguely. I hadn't exactly lied, but I hadn't been forthcoming with that discussion with the Erudite leader. It wasn't that I didn't trust Jayce – I did. I just wasn't sure how to process the information I'd been given in that meeting – or the new assignment I'd been given, for that matter.

A divergent hunter.

I honestly believed that I, and all of the Dauntless leaders, had way better things to do with our time than hunt unicorns. Not that divergents didn't exist – they did. But they were sticking to the shadows, and from what I could see, they weren't exactly painting the town red _or _causing problems.

But then again, according to Jeanine and Erudite, that was precisely what they were preparing to do. And the best way to defeat an opponent was to stomp them before they could get started – preemptive attack.

It was all very, very strange.

Four wasn't a great deal of help in working through these thoughts, not that I necessarily intended to share them with him. He seemed sullen the past couple days, and he'd already expressed his distaste with the assignment as soon as Jeanine had left. He wasn't particularly talkative with me outside the necessary communication for us to do our jobs as trainers but on at least three different occasions I'd caught him studying me with a very level, almost appraising look.

Under normal circumstances, I would have taken any man looking at me in such a way as an open invitation to confrontation, happily. But for some reason, Four studying me that way gave me pause. It was almost as if he knew something I didn't. I didn't like that. At all.

Tori was leaning over some sketches when I walked into the parlor, and she glanced up, giving me a smile. "She's not here."

I glanced at her. "What?"

She shrugged. "Sorry. Not trying to be presumptuous but I'm guessing there's only one reason you've been coming by so much lately. And Lady J isn't here. She's at the infirmary with an initiate. Someone sprained their wrist."

"Told him to keep his damn wrist stiff when throwing a punch," I muttered under my breath, momentarily distracted by my annoyance with the initiate in question.

"What?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Is she coming back here?" There was no point in being coy with Tori. Not to mention, being "coy" wasn't even in my fucking personality.

Tori nodded. "That's what she said. I'm sure she'll be back soon. She left her stuff here, and she's been gone about twenty minutes now. How long does it take to tend to a sprained wrist?" She shrugged, then reached for her jacket. "I'm gonna head out and grab some chow. Later."

I flicked my head in acknowledgement as she walked out the door, and then strolled back to Jayce's station. I saw her bag and her jacket, as Tori had said, and some miscellaneous equipment lying out. There was also a pair of rubber gloves lying haphazardly on the table, as if she'd pulled them off in a hurry to tend to her newest patient.

I moved past the table, absently running my fingers over it and remembering our little tryst here from before. I half-smiled to myself at the memory and leaned against the counter, looking at it.

There was a binder open to my right, full of sketches and drawings. I looked at it more closely and realized it was all Jayce's work. Next to some of the drawings, she'd stuck in photos of people – rather, their body parts – that featured the drawing she had created into tattoos for them.

I flipped through the book, realizing that she really was a fantastic artist. Some of them were color drawings, others just pencil. Some were meant to be tattoos, with little notes beside them of where it would go on the client. Some were just idle drawings, or small works of art.

I came across a drawing that made my eyes widen. For a second I wasn't sure what I was looking at, but then I realized it was almost like a mural of the symbols of all five factions. It was beautifully done, with color. There was shading to add dimension, and she had obviously taken a lot of time with it. The theme was interesting – all five factions together.

I flipped the page over and saw notes written on the back of the page. _Client wants piece to cover back. Client wants no color, all black ink. _Below that was the picture of the final product. A young man, I assumed based on the build, with his back to the camera, only shown from the shoulders to the waist. His back was covered in Jayce's drawing, but it was all black ink, with no color and minimal shading, enough to give it a subtle three-dimensional effect. Even so, it was still a beautiful tattoo, and it must have taken hours and hours. Not to mention, it looked like it had hurt like a son of a bitch.

But the more I stared down at the photo, the more I didn't like it.

It wasn't unusual to see Dauntless members with faction tattoos – but the tattoos were always _Dauntless_ faction tattoos. I'd never seen another member of Dauntless with the exception of Jayce with a tattoo representing any other faction. To do so would almost be viewed as disloyalty. In her case, I understood that it was a tribute to her parents.

I figured it was less weird to see someone with _all_ of the factions on their back, but it still nagged at me. It was perfectly reasonable for someone to represent the faction system as a whole, I told myself. And Dauntless was pictured at the top. It was our world, and we were the ones who would protect everyone. But there was something about this drawing that made me think that _that_ was not the philosophy behind the tattoo.

And then I wondered if Jayce drew this for someone at their request, or if someone selected a drawing of hers done independently. And that made me think of a whole other set of questions.

"Hey, you."

The quiet voice pierced my reverie and I glanced up, seeing Jayce leaning against the doorway. Her long black hair was swept over one shoulder. She was in a sheer, long-sleeved black sweater, snug black pants and boots. She was beautiful.

"Hey," I replied, and couldn't help a half-smile. The sight of her just made me feel warm. "I assume Bran will live."

She smirked. "He will. He'll be unable to do combat for a few days."

I frowned. "Then he'll fall behind."

"That's for you trainers to determine," she said lightly, and moved toward me. "What have you got there?"

I gestured to the book. "I didn't mean to snoop. I was just curious. You're really talented."

She flushed a little. "Thank you."

"I was particularly interested in this drawing." I flipped to the factions drawing and glanced at her.

Her face was impassive, but her eyes went a dark, smoky shade of gray. "What about it?"

"It's really good."

She eyed me, suddenly wary, and instinctively I knew I was right – there was something more to the drawing than what met the eye. "Thanks."

"Who was it for?"

A delicate, silky brow lifted a fraction of an inch as she strolled toward me, picking up her forgotten gloves from the table and tossing them into a trash can. "Just someone wanting to get a tat. No big deal."

I shrugged, my inner bullshit alarm going off. "Well, that much is obvious. Thank you. Seems pretty complex and intricate for a random tat. Must have been special to the person – the guy – that got it."

She looked at me sharply, then down to where my finger was still resting on the page, next to the photograph of her client. "Yeah, well. Permanent body art should be meaningful, at least to the owner, don't you think?"

We were dancing now, I realized. She was just as suspicious of me as I was of her in that moment. And it fucking sucked. Why should we be suspicious of each other about anything? My instincts were rarely wrong, though, and there was definitely something going on.

I tilted my head and folded my arms. "The subject of it interests me. Someone got all of the factions tattooed on themselves."

Her brow lowered, and I could tell she was starting to get pissed off. "What does that matter, Eric? Hell, I –" She paused and reached up, yanking the neck of her sweater off her left shoulder, revealing her own tattoo. "I have Dauntless _and_ Amity represented on my body. Is that weird to you?"

"That's a tribute to your parents," I pointed out. "It's a little sentimental, but it makes sense. Obviously, a person does not have five parents, let alone each one of them being from every faction. It makes me think that someone here at Dauntless has loyalty to all the factions – instead of just Dauntless."

"That's ridiculous," Jayce replied, a little scornfully.

"Maybe under other circumstances you'd be right about that," I said, choosing my words carefully. "However, with some recent revelations I've been made privy to, it's not as ludicrous as you seem to think."

Jayce put her hands on her hips. "What revelations are those?"

I sighed. "I can't disclose that, Jayce."

"Why not?"

"I'm not at liberty to do so."

"According to whom?"

I shot her a look. "We can do this all day. But right now, I'm very much interested in speaking to whoever your client was that got this interesting work of art on their back. So, I need a name. If you don't mind."

She stared at me for a moment. "I do mind," she said finally, reaching out and grabbing the book from me, then slamming it shut. "Client privacy rule."

I lifted an eyebrow at her. "Jayce," I said slowly, trying my very hardest not to sound condescending. I loved this woman, after all, and she loved me, and I was pretty interested in keeping it that way. "We're talking about _tattoos_ here, not medical procedures. And, to be completely real with you, all due respect, I'm not really asking."

She whirled around then, and her gray eyes were flashing so fiercely I took an involuntary step back. "I don't give a _shit_ that it's 'just' a tattoo," she hissed and shocked me by leaning up to get into my face. "And I'm going to tell you this one more time, Eric, and it will be the last time I repeat myself. I know you're a Dauntless leader, but you will never order me around. Ever."

With that, she grabbed her book, bag, and jacket, turned sharply on her heel, and stalked out of the room.

I stared after her for a moment, feeling slightly stunned. That had certainly not gone to plan at all. I had no more information to go off of than I did before I'd talked to her, I hadn't remotely accomplished my initial objective by even coming to visit her in the first place, and had in fact managed to royally piss her off instead of make her feel better.

"Well, shit," I muttered darkly out loud.

* * *

><p><em>Jayce<em>

I hurried toward the chow hall, my heart pounding with an odd mixture of anger, fear, and a little bit of panic. I hoped Eric would take the hint and not follow me, and so far, he hadn't.

He was like a goddamn bloodhound when it came to hunches of his, I thought darkly. It had to be the Erudite in him. I never imagined he'd look through my things, but then again, my sketch book wasn't exactly a secret I was trying to hide. And I did use it to keep track of clients' tattoos. Maybe he'd seen it and had been idly flipping through it, killing time while waiting for me, and then had seen something that had made his antenna shoot up. Either way – it was a problem. With everything Four had told me still whirling through my head, the last thing he needed was Eric getting on his ass. For a moment, the thought of Four being revealed as a divergent made me sick – what the hell would happen to our faction then?

Of course, I didn't want anything bad happening to Four. He was proving himself to be a good friend, and someone from whom I needed every tip and trick to conceal my "divergentness" better than I had been over the years. And if there was some experimental serum being developed to reveal divergents, I needed all the help I could get.

But more than that, I couldn't help wondering what would happen if Four, a respected leader and trainer, got his spot blown up. It could mean complete chaos among our faction, pandemonium, anarchy, and a domino effect. Who knew how many other divergents were in Dauntless? If Four went down, we'd all go after him.

I immediately spotted him sitting at a bench in the chow hall. I bored holes into his head with my eyes, willing him to look up and catch my eye. When he did, it wasn't another moment before he got to his feet, dumped his tray, and met me.

Silently he followed me, asking no questions. I couldn't lead him back to my tattoo station – Eric might still be there. I didn't particularly want to go to the infirmary, because Eric might decide to look for me there also – a logical assumption. In the end I led him to the training area, where the combat lessons took place. All the initiates were at lunch, so it was empty.

"What?" he asked in a low voice as soon as I whirled around to look at him.

"Just wanted to let you know that you need to make sure you keep that tattoo of yours as hidden as possible," I replied. "Especially from Eric. He came to my tattoo station a little bit ago and I found him looking through my sketch book. He found the drawing I did of your tattoo and the photo I took of it afterward. It's only of your back; you can't even see your neck or head. But you know how he is, especially with this new mission of yours. He's keen on interviewing the owner of the tattoo – which of course, I did not divulge. He doesn't understand why someone would get all five factions represented on their back. I can tell he's suspicious."

"He mention the reason for his curiosity?" Four asked.

"No. But he did outright say that he couldn't tell me." I paused, folding my arms. "It's pretty clear why he's curious. He's in hunter mode now."

"Yes, he is," Four murmured, almost to himself. "What was he there for?"

"Huh?"

"Why was he there at your station at all?"

I realized I didn't know the answer – as soon as I'd gotten back from tending to the initiate with the sprained wrist, we'd sort of immediately gotten into it about the tattoo. "I'm really not sure, actually. We didn't really get a chance to address that."

"Well, how did you leave it with him?" Four said. "I can't imagine that you rushing off to speak to me went over smoothly."

"He doesn't know I'm talking to you," I said. "And we left it – well, he tried to 'order' me to tell him who I did the tattoo for and then I just sort of got pissed off. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be looking for me right now."

Four nodded and sighed heavily, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "All right. Thanks for the heads up, I guess. I'm not in the habit of walking around with my shirt off. To my knowledge, no one else has ever seen my tattoo other than you. I didn't get it until after I'd completed initiation, so there was no worry of bunking down with fifteen other initiates who I had to change clothes in front of. But I'll be extra vigilant to ensure no one sees it."

"Might consider wearing shirts with higher collars," I said, glancing at the edges of the tattoo that wrapped over his shoulders. "The photo was of just below the shoulders down, so it doesn't show the shoulder and neck part of it. But I'm sure it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the top portion looks like, especially if that rocket scientist is locked onto it already."

"Right," he muttered, his hand unconsciously trailing up to tug on his T-shirt collar.

"The fuck is going on here?"

_Shit. _

Eric.

I peeked around Four, seeing Eric standing there, holding a pair of hand wraps, clearly intending to do some work on the punching bags. Probably to let off steam from our argument. But now, he looked even more pissed, and also a little bit jealous. He glared at us, his suspicious gaze traveling between Four and me and back again.

Luckily, Four and I had been speaking in low voices, both conscious of the fact that our voices would carry in this cavernous room with these hard concrete walls, so the likelihood that Eric had heard us was small. Not to mention, Eric wasn't exactly shy; if he'd heard anything we'd said, I knew without a doubt Four would be on his face on the floor right now with Eric's knee in the back of his neck.

Four, God bless him, remained completely unruffled. He lifted his hands into the air. "Nothing, man," he said calmly. "Just talking. Relax. I'm gonna take off. Get the training materials ready for the initiates for this afternoon." He glanced at me, giving me an almost imperceptible nod. And it was definitely imperceptible to Eric, since his gaze was firmly locked on me. Four turned and walked away, the sound of his fading footsteps echoing after him.

When he was gone, I took a deep breath and returned Eric's stare steadily. "Yes?"

"What the hell was that all about?" he demanded. "Sneaking off to private corners to talk to _Four_?"

"First of all, I didn't _sneak off _anywhere. And as for talking to Four – that's a problem?" I replied coolly, even though my heart was beating swiftly. I wasn't particularly fond of jealous Eric, but I would much rather deal with a thousand jealous Erics than one divergent-hunting-obsessed Eric, suspicious – and rightly so – of what he'd seen earlier and anything else that seemed off to him.

"Yeah, it's a fucking problem," he shot back. I was really surprised – he _sounded _pissed off, but I could hear hurt in there, too, beneath all the jealousy. And then I felt bad. I did want to keep him on the jealous track to throw him off the divergent hunting one, but I hated that he had to go through this at all.

Or that any of us did.

"Listen," I said defensively, "I was informing your co-trainer of what happened to Bran. I felt it pertinent that he be made aware of the situation also. I didn't know if you'd had a chance to tell him after our little _chat_, so I did it. Is that acceptable?" I couldn't keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

He was silent for a moment, his brow furrowed as he looked at me. "I didn't like seeing you talking to him so intently," he said, sounding rather petulant. "Especially not after you just stormed out on me. It looked way more in depth than just a status update."

I said nothing, just lifting my brows instead.

He frowned deeper, then took a breath. "Has he ever – hit on you?"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Eric, please."

"Has he?" His fists were clenched at his side, his eyes smoldering.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I have no patience for jealousy, Eric." I turned to step around him, and then his hand closed around my forearm, firmly, but not enough to hurt.

"Then answer my question."

I whipped around, my hair flying. I was genuinely annoyed now, the emotion heightened by the utter shittiness of the situation. I hated having to goad him on this way, but it was the only way, as far as I could tell, to get his bloodhound self off the scent of other suspicions. Even so, my feelings – the ones that loved Eric with every part of me – were hurt that he would think I could entertain someone else's bullshit when I thought I'd made it clear how I felt about him.

"_No_," I snapped, tugging my arm from his grasp. "Happy now?"

In reply, he roughly yanked my body to his, backing me up against a punching bag, and took my mouth hungrily with his. There was jealousy in the kiss, possessive jealousy, and it was so intense it made my head spin. Automatically my hands lifted to his neck, hanging on and pulling him closer, my mouth instantly opening underneath his. I could feel his hands tight on hips, pulling me against him, letting me feel the staff of suddenly hard steel at his groin.

"You're mine," he whispered raggedly against my lips. "You're mine. I hate seeing you talking to any guy that's not me –"

My eyes flew open and I pulled away from him. "Hate to break it to you, Eric, but I'm a tattoo artist and the faction medic. You're going to see me talking to a whole lot of guys that aren't you. So get that jealous shit secured, _stat_."

He sighed, looking ashamed. "I'm sorry," he said, sounding genuinely remorseful. "I shouldn't have said that. You're right. I just –" He took a step closer to me. "I just got you, you know? And it feels – it feels like you're slipping away from me already."

It was my turn to feel a wave of remorse. I lifted a hand to touch his cheek, my thumb caressing his face gently. "Eric –"

At that moment, the initiates started filing back into the room. Lunch was over.

He looked at me, subtly reaching up to touch my hand, and gently pull it away from his face. I understood; he couldn't be all gushy with his girlfriend in front of the initiates.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I really am. I didn't mean to doubt you."

I felt a flash of guilt.

"Listen, we have night exercises with these guys tonight, too," he added. "So I won't be able to see you."

"It's okay," I whispered. "Maybe we could use a little time apart. Just a night."

He looked into my eyes. _I love you._

I smiled. "I love you," I said in the quietest voice I could manage. I touched his hand briefly. "I'll see you later."

"Later," he echoed.

Before I left the training area, I could hear him talking at the initiates, sounding very trainer-like. I glanced over my shoulder, and his eyes found me simultaneously. He never missed a beat in his speech, but his eyes were intense as they met mine.

I gave him a little smile and turned, walking away and not remotely sure where I was going. I ended up in my infirmary office, and shut the door behind me.

I braced my hands on the examination table, hunching over it, and for some reason completely lost to me, started to cry.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: ALMOST had this one ready to go yesterday, but then the Muse was like "*whisper whisper* you should add this stuff too, just for fun" soooo...I got delayed. I would REALLY like to be able to give you the next chapter maybe tomorrow afternoon too, but, no promises. Anyway, this one is broody and angsty and a little action-y too. Oh, and there's an homage to Michael Madsen from Kill Bill in here, too. I quoted one of his lines from Vol 2. See if you can spot it and shout it out in the reviews if you can. Virtual cappuccinos and internet high fives to those of you guess correctly. **

**Leave reviews, honey-babies! Thanks for the love so far.**

**P.S. Special thanks to Mals86 for the trampoline time. **

**P.P.S. I am also beyond excited for Insurgent. Not only does Jai look gorgeous, but in a particular scene where he is, I believe, about to be executed (*SOB*) he looks up at Four and says, "I found a way to live with the blood on my hands" SOB. If you guys only know how that line plays into what I have in store... *sob***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

_Jayce_

When the day was over, instead of heading to the chow hall for dinner, I headed for the exit. I had to get out of there.

I ran into Dri on my way out.

"Hey, babe!" she exclaimed with a smile. "Ready to get your chow on?"

I shook my head. "I think I'm actually going to head home. I'm feeling really tired."

Her face immediately became worried. "Are you okay? You didn't eat breakfast this morning either. _Or _lunch, come to think of it."

I tried to smile to reassure her. "I might be coming down with something, I don't know. I'm just really – tired."

Her brown eyes studied me. "Everything okay with you and Eric?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

_I have no idea. _I put my hand on her arm and squeezed. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine. I just need to crawl into bed. I'm sorry I've been a lame dining companion."

"Just take care of yourself," Dri said, then reached out to hug me.

The gesture took me by surprise and made me want to cry. Again. I gave her a squeeze and then stepped around her, heading for the exit.

But instead of turning to walk the short distance to my building, I found myself walking to the train. I stared up at it. For some reason, I didn't want to go home all of a sudden. Because home, at that moment, didn't feel like home.

Nowhere did.

I climbed on the train, sitting down in a seat nearest to the door. The car was completely empty. The train ran at all times, and only Dauntless could ride them. It would go to the perimeter and back with stops along the way. If we ever wanted to take the train past the perimeter, there had to be a good reason – training, a mission. Otherwise, the border between civilization and chaos was as far as it would travel.

I relaxed into my seat, staring out the window. The different factions passed me – Erudite. Candor. Abnegation. Amity.

Why hadn't I ever defected into one of them? Why had I stayed with Dauntless? Would my life be any different than it was now if I'd gone elsewhere?

I'd chosen to stay in Dauntless because I'd always felt that was where I belonged. And my parents were there; at least, they had been until just before Choosing Day. That could have been all the encouragement I'd needed then to make a different choice – and it would have been understandable. A young girl had lost both of her parents in separate tragic accidents. Who could blame her if she wanted to get out?

I could have gone to Abnegation and lived out a calm life of selflessness and servitude. Or I could have gone to Amity and lived among affection and brotherly love. Or gone to Candor and worked for justice of mankind. Or to Erudite to figure out the whats and the whys and the hows.

But instead, I'd chosen to stay right where I was. Maybe it was because I wanted to honor the memory of my parents somehow. Maybe I wanted to show that I wasn't a coward, like people might have thought. It was hard to say; there were so many reasons to stay.

So many to stay, and so many to go.

I knew now I could never have been completely happy or safe in Erudite. They were the ones causing my life to unravel now. They were the ones orchestrating this ludicrous witch hunt, and brainwashing the brawn into doing their dirty work, with promises of power and reward and promotions. I probably couldn't have made it in Candor. I was all for honesty most of the time, but would have certainly struggled with having to hide my identity. And between Amity and Abnegation, I wasn't sure where I'd fit in to either one of those factions. My mother had been Amity-born; perhaps they'd remember that and welcome me. And Abnegation was rumored to be hiding divergents – maybe I should have chosen that faction.

I smirked humorlessly. Perhaps I could pack up all my things and show up at Abnegation's entrance, knock on a random person's door. Tell them I was divergent, and could they please take me in? _Sure. No one would ever notice, _I thought dryly.

Or maybe I could just be factionless. It was said that many divergents lived among the factionless now, hence the reason for Erudite's panic at a factionless uprising. Maybe I should be among my own people. Maybe we could make it together. Maybe we could escape.

_Escape to where, precisely?_

I'd been in my thoughts for so long, that not only had a thirty-minute ride flown by, but also the boundary was looming up ahead. Normally, no one ever got off here, unless a group of initiates was on board. But no one in Dauntless ever rode out this far or bothered to get off the train, because there was nothing to see out here.

But I wasn't like everyone in Dauntless. In fact, I was as far from them as I could get, apparently.

I was divergent.

I got off the train, stepping down onto the platform. The sun was lowering in the horizon, beginning to turn the sky a deep shade of blue. There was a cool breeze in the air, and it whipped my hair back from my face. In front of me, the fence loomed, huge and massive. Behind me, the metropolis of Chicago.

It would have been romantic, had I not been sick – sick with fear, sick with the unknown, sick at heart.

I stepped off the platform and began striding across the expansive field toward the fence. After a moment, I slung my bag more securely across my body and broke into a jog. I reached the fence and climbed the stairs, barely noticing that I'd become winded in the process, until I reached the cement ledge at the base of the fence. The fence was electrified, but there were ledges all across it and the power could be shut down. This was primarily for the engineers who occasionally needed to work on it for maintenance or repair purposes.

I stood on the top of the cement wall. The fence wasn't electrified all the way down here, but I kept my hands to myself anyway. I folded my arms and looked out over the wilderness that encircled the fence. It was hard to imagine that once upon a time, this had all been lush, inhabited land. Suburban, even, where people were happy and lived their lives mostly in peace. They didn't have to worry about fitting in or being different. And they certainly didn't have to worry about being killed because of it.

What was beyond the fence now? It all looked like overgrown woods. But even though the land stretched as far as my eye could see, I knew it went even further than that. So what was there?

Chicago as it was now was all I had ever known. But I refused to believe that the rest of the world was like _this_. We couldn't be the last humans, the last civilization in the world. We just _couldn't_. I refused to accept that as true. And this place, this place that had been my home for my entire life, and my parents' home before that, and their parents' before them, was suddenly feeling very much like a prison to me.

Leaving was a tempting thought.

_We could run away._

I could have sworn it was a whisper on the wind, sliding into my ear from the sky, and the idea took root in my brain. _We could leave…_

There had to be a way out. There just had to. And if there wasn't, there had to be a way to _make _a way out.

_You're insane. You'd be killed. _

"Better to be killed than to stay a prisoner all my life," I murmured out loud to the wind. Then I wondered who, exactly, would compose the "we" the wind had suggested. Me. Eric? Four?

Four needed to leave as much as I did. His life was as in as much danger as mine was. And Eric… Eric was devoted to the last drop of blood in his body to this faction. But maybe he loved me enough to run away with me. To take my hand and run, and never, ever look back. We could make our own life somewhere. We could be happy.

_He doesn't even know about you. If he did, assuming he didn't turn you over to Erudite immediately, he would be in danger too. Could you stand seeing him killed for knowing about you? For loving you? For harboring you?_

Watching Eric die, just the thought of it, was so painful it brought tears to my eyes immediately.

I stared at the fence. I realized I had never touched it, not even as an initiate. They'd brought us here to show us what the "world" looked like beyond the fence – scary, uncivilized, dangerous. And even then, even though I'd been practically sick with curiosity and a childish urge to touch, I hadn't. Everyone said that the bottom ten feet wasn't electrified, that the fence higher than that was. As if anyone could really climb over it and down the other side.

I stared hard at the fence, and that same burst of childishness crept over me. _If there's a way out of here, if Eric and I can get out of this place, if we can escape, I'll touch this fence, and it won't shock me. And if there is no way out of here, thousands of volts of electricity will blow my miserable, divergent ass right off this ledge and I'll no longer be anyone's problem or at risk of being persecuted for being a born with a mind of my own. _

It was so foolish. It was _so _stupid and childish and ridiculous and idiotic and moronic and I knew better. But I couldn't help myself, and I reached out, closing my eyes.

My fingers curled around metal and I waited for my brain to explode out of my ears.

Nothing happened.

I grabbed onto it with my other hand and sort of laughed and cried at the same time. It didn't change any of my circumstances, at all. But somehow my childish little act of superstition brought me a tiny measure of comfort. God, or other spirits, or _something_ – something had heard me, and something had given me a sign.

Or maybe it was just a coincidence. That was the more realistic option. But I needed to hold onto hope. I needed to believe that I could escape. If I didn't have that to hold on to, I was lost.

And I needed to believe that Eric loved me enough to not only accept me for what I was, but to come with me forever, too.

I don't know how long I stood there holding onto the fence, but it was long enough that the sun dipped below the horizon and the sky started to turn ink blue. That was my cue to leave. I hopped off the ledge onto the staircase and descended the rickety metal steps. I crossed the field, and gradually, the tiny slice of peace and hope I'd experienced by the fence began to vanish.

The train was starting to pull off again when I reached the platform, so I jogged after it, speeding up until I could grab the handle and swing myself inside the car. I held onto a support bar and looked out the door, watching the city whoosh past me.

The train began to slow at the next stop, and I was prepared to relax until it sped up again toward the stop I'd get off on to return to Dauntless. But I heard voices, and looking through the window opposite my position, on the other side of the platform, I saw a group of people dressed in black and holding very familiar-looking training weapons.

I froze.

Eric had said they were taking the initiates out tonight – it had to be them. But why on earth would they have gotten off the train here? Normally they wouldn't come out this far – there was a section of the city by the Ferris wheel that was used for night missions, and this stop was at least two stops from there.

I could hear Eric's voice through the door.

"…hope you understand now the importance of knowing every inch of this city. We didn't get off the trains for a good reason, because it's not safe to do that for training purposes right now. We'll be heading back to the Ferris wheel shortly, but we thought it was prudent to show you some of the less savory parts of this city. You'll be patrolling them in short order – those of you who make it through initiation, that is."

Shit. The last thing I needed was for them to see me on the train. I had every _right_ to be on the train, but no _reason_ to be here. And Eric was suspicious of me enough – I didn't need any more of it.

I heard their boots thumping on the pavement toward the car entrance opposite me. Stealthily I turned toward the exit closest to me and grabbed the handle, carefully maneuvering my way out. I dropped as noiselessly as possible to the ground below and crept along the side of the train, my back to it, in case anyone peered out the window.

I sidled along until I reached the back of the train. I could hear voices from inside.

"Everybody in?"

I swooped around to the back, just as I caught a glimpse of a head poking out to check for any stragglers.

"Everybody in. Let's go."

As the train lurched into motion, so did I. I jumped back onto the platform, keeping low and to the shadows. If anyone had seen me, all they would have seen was a shadowy figure. It would have been impossible to accurately identify anyone.

I watched the train pull off, heading toward the Ferris wheel. There was no telling how long it would take for the next one to come back.

Just then, I felt a hand drop over my mouth and my whole body tensed for an instant before I automatically lurched into motion. I reached over my head blindly and grabbed at a shirt collar, hair. I swung my leg back off of pure reflex, anchoring it behind my assailant's leg to knock it off balance, and used all of my considerable might and momentum to yank them forward and over my shoulder. In a flash, I had one knee pressed into a neck, the other one pinning an elbow to the ground, one hand holding down one of the attacker's wrists, and the knife I always kept strapped to my boot in my free hand, the tip of which was pressed to the assailant's cheek.

"Don't move," I said calmly, even though my heart was racing.

The person beneath me – a man – was panting harshly. "Fuck you!"

"That's not very polite," I said. "You sure you want to say that to someone with a knife pointed at your eyeball?"

"Dauntless bitch!" he spat, trying to move. It was useless.

"We can do one of two things," I said evenly. "Either you can keep acting like a horse's ass and I arrest you for disorderly conduct and attacking a protector of this city, or you calm the hell down, say you're sorry, and I let you go on about your business tonight. It's up to you. I got nothin' but time."

"Or," another voice behind me said, and it brought me up short just as I realized the man below me had stopped struggling, and had in fact completely relaxed. _A ruse. A fucking ploy. What is going on here? _"You can shut your stupid Dauntless mouth and stand up and come with us before I have to do something like, I dunno, blow your head off your shoulders."

_What the fuck?_

"Yeah, that's right," the voice went on. "Oh, and drop the knife too, if you would, please. Good girl."

I tossed the knife to the side, hearing it clatter on the pavement, and slowly rose to my feet, my hands in the air.

Immediately, they were yanked down behind me and fastened with zip ties and a bag was dropped over my head. Then I was hoisted off my feet and thrown over what I presumed to be a shoulder, and carried away.

It seemed like hours went by as I was jounced over pavement, my head dizzy and my stomach sick with fear. I had no idea what was about to happen to me, but all I could think of was that whoever was carrying me had to be really strong.

I heard a door open and shut, heard a low murmur of other voices, and felt myself being slid over the shoulder and dumped unceremoniously into a chair. Through the black bag I could see the room I was in was brightly lit, and then the bag was pulled off my head, taking some hair with it.

I blinked in the brightness of the room, my head whirling around from side to side. There were maybe seven or eight people standing in front me, all wearing dirty clothes representing the different factions. There were a couple of Amity, including who I assumed was the man who had carried me over his shoulder, a few Candor and some Abnegation. I was both surprised and unsurprised to see that there were no Erudite or Dauntless factionless – at least not standing in this room.

"Who are you?" I demanded, looking around and realizing that was sort of a silly question. They were factionless, obviously, but not the ones we brought food and supplies to each week. These had to be the rebels. "What do you want?"

The Amity man reached out and yanked a handful of my long hair. I gritted my teeth but neither made a sound or looked away from his gaze. "Shut up, Dauntless bitch. We're asking the questions here. You took one of ours the other day. _You_ took him."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "He had the drop on my partner," I replied. "What else was I supposed to do?"

He sneered at me. "You should have killed him rather than send him to Erudite. We know what happens to prisoners there. He's dead now."

"You have no way of knowing that," I said. "Likely he was questioned and brought back here, or will be soon." _I _had no way of knowing that; I was stalling, and they knew it.

"Oh, they brought him back, all right," a Candor woman said. Her teeth were rotten and her hair was stringy. Her clothes were ripped and filthy and I could smell her from where I sat. "They dumped his body at the gates and said it was a message to the rebels, that together Dauntless and Erudite would be stamping out any resistance."

"So you know what _we_ said?" the Amity man chimed in, yanking my hair again. "We said – they hit one of ours, we hit one of theirs. And I guess you're the lucky one, sweetie."

"You already hit us!" I hissed back, trying to loose myself from his grip. "You hit our patrol party!"

"They had no right to trespass out here," he insisted.

I glared at him. "It's not trespassing, you asshole – we own this land! And we know what you factionless are trying to do – you want to rise up against the faction order and take all of the resources, start another war. It's not going to happen!"

The Candor woman stepped forward and punched my square in my jaw. My head flew to the side from the impact and I saw stars. _Hold it together. Hold it together. _The taste of blood filled my mouth from where I'd bitten my tongue, and I spat a mouthful at her feet.

The Amity leaned down to look me in the eye. "Dauntless isn't known for their smarts, I know, but little girl – you don't know shit."

"Enlighten me, then," I ground out, baring my teeth.

He smirked. "Only because you asked so nicely, and because I can't bear the thought of you being brainwashed another second. Here it is. We know that Erudite is planning a huge attack, and they're going to use you Dauntless minions to accomplish it. They want you all to think that it's because of us factionless, that we're causing problems and trying to start another war to even the playing field, but really, this is about the divergents. They know they have divergents in their own factions, but there are untold numbers of factionless divergents. Those of us in this very room, _right now_, are divergent. How's that grab you, Officer?"

I only stared back up at him. Divergents. This was all about divergents. Who were in this room, right now.

_We're on the same fucking side. _

"They want to put us down, and then weed out our brethren in the factions, and put them down too, so they can build a mindless city with nothing but drones buzzing around, doing whatever Erudite wants. Is _that _how you want to live? Under the tyranny of a faction that cares nothing for anyone else, but only cares about holding all of the power and making all of the decisions? Abnegation has the greatest number of divergents, because they're supposedly safe there, but they are everywhere. Everywhere. And Abnegation is about to get hit. Hard. So we need to move now, if we want to have any hope of saving any lives."

He looked at the Abnegation man and woman, and I followed his gaze. They stared back at me impassively.

"All of you," I said, speaking with some difficulty due to my swollen, aching jaw, "all of you here are divergents?"

"We're going to kill her anyway, so just tell her, Rand," the Abnegation woman said gently.

"Yeah," the Amity man apparently named Rand said to me, almost defiantly. "All of us are. And the best part is? You aren't gonna do shit about it. On your knees. Now."

I was simultaneously pulled from the chair and thrown onto my knees, my hands still bound behind my back. My heart started racing even faster, and I thought it was going to come through my chest.

"Is the camera ready?" Rand asked, and the dirty Candor woman moved toward a camera set up on a tripod that I hadn't noticed previously. He leaned down, yanking my head back by my hair yet again. "We're going to record this and send it to your friends at your faction. We'll deliver your body a few days later."

I felt the bite of a blade to my throat. I gritted my teeth. "Don't do this."

Rand laughed. "And why not? Go ahead. Try to convince me to spare your pathetic little life. I think I'd like to hear you beg."

"Because if you do," I said quietly, my heart pounding, "you'll become the murderers you hate so much. Murderers of your…what did you call it? Your _brethren._"

The room went silent. The knife stayed where it was, and I felt it pressing a little harder into my skin. I winced a little at the sting.

"What did you say?" he said.

I tilted my head back and looked up at him. "I said, I'm divergent, too."

The room went silent again for a beat. Then the Candor woman stamped her foot. "She's lying, Rand! Kill the bitch!"

"There's no way to prove that she's telling the truth," the Abnegation man chimed in.

But Rand continued to stare down at me. After a moment, he pulled the knife away from my throat. "Stand up."

I slowly got to my feet, looking at him warily.

He eyed me intensely. "You're divergent."

"Yes."

"How do I know you're telling me the truth?" he said calmly.

"She's fucking lying!" the Candor woman yelled. "They're trained to say that. Just kill her and be done with it!"

Rand held up a hand, silencing her without looking away from me. "I repeat," he said. "How can I trust what you're telling me?"

"You can't," I said bluntly. "And that crazy-ass woman behind me isn't wrong for feeling how she feels. If I were you, I wouldn't believe me either."

"You understand that puts us in a prickly position," Rand said. "What do we do now? You've made a claim I take very seriously. I don't want anything happening to my divergent brothers and sisters. And certainly, I don't want to be responsible for killing them, either. We need to band together. But, you're also Dauntless. And I can't just trust you, can I? That would be foolish."

"That would be foolish," I echoed. "But all I can say is that I'm telling you the truth. As a matter of fact, candor is very strong in my nature. As is kindness. And selflessness. And bravery. Hence the 'I'm a divergent' statement."

"Then prove it!" the Candor woman hissed.

I turned around impatiently. "Don't you think that if there was some document somewhere that stated my divergent status, I'd be dead by now? We all would. There is no way to prove it to your satisfaction." I turned around to face Rand again.

"You have no reason to trust what I'm saying. But what I can tell you is that you're right about Erudite – I don't know any details yet, but I have a friend who's – who's like us."

"Another Dauntless divergent?" Rand asked, and I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Yes. In Dauntless. And I've only recently discovered this information about myself, with his help. He's on the inside, he knows that Erudite is planning something. And it's going to force us out into the light if we're not careful." I hesitated. I was talking as much to save my own bacon as I was because…it was just coming out all of a sudden. And instinctively I could tell that Rand was starting to believe me, and I could feel some sort of strange kinship forming between us.

"It could benefit you to have a person on the inside, to relay messages about what Erudite plans to do," the Abnegation woman spoke up. I refrained from giving her a dirty look, since not five minutes ago she'd so casually mentioned him killing me. "If she's telling the truth, that is."

Rand looked at me. Then he jerked his head to the side. "Come. I'd like to speak to you alone."

I gave him a wary look. "How about you untie my hands first?" He was still holding the knife.

He followed my gaze and set it down. Then he bowed his head slightly. "As a show of good will, I'll untie your hands. Then we'll be somewhat evenly matched."

He cut the zip ties off me, and then I followed him across the room. It looked a lot like the warehouse we'd discovered the cache of weapons in. Then, I realized with a pang, it _was_ the warehouse we'd found the cache of weapons in.

"You guys are awfully brave to stay here," I commented. "After all, Erudite knows about this location now."

"We're ready for them," he said confidently.

I frowned at him. "There's no way you're ready for them. You don't even know what they're planning yet."

"They can't come for us until they've gone through Dauntless," he said. "Strategy."

I raised my eyebrows. "What would you know about strategy, Amity?"

He smiled. "I was Dauntless-born. I defected."

"You – you _defected?_" I repeated. "How the hell did you become factionless? No offense, but I find it really difficult to believe Amity has a stringent initiation program."

"I defected because I found out what I was the day of my aptitude test, like most of us did," he said. "And I knew, even then, I wasn't safe in Dauntless. Amity seemed a logical choice – the tensions between Erudite and Abnegation have been brewing for a long, long time. Abnegation hasn't been a safe place for divergents for many years. And, ultimately, I opted to become factionless. Because I had a vision – if enough divergents could band together, we could create our own faction, our own life, our own community. But they need to feel safe in doing that, and to feel safe means we have to eliminate the threat. And that's what I intend to do. There will be another war. It's the only way."

"A divergent faction," I echoed. "Rand – you'll be slaughtered."

"Maybe," he said. "Maybe not, if enough of us come together. We need more people like you, Dauntless."

"My name is –" I hesitated. Did I really want to reveal my name, my identity to someone I didn't know, let alone trust?

He met my gaze serenely. "You know enough about us to dime us out to Erudite, if you wanted," he said lightly. "I think I sort of deserve to know who I'm speaking with. Consider it…collateral. Insurance."

He certainly talked like a Dauntless. "My name," I said heavily, "is Jayce."

He nodded soberly. "Jayce. It's nice to meet you. I apologize for the rough handling earlier."

"Likewise," I said cautiously. "Does this mean you believe me about being a divergent?"

"Like I said," he replied with a shrug. "You are now equipped with everything you need to dime us out to the enemy. You could be claiming to be divergent and then take all this delicious information back to your bosses and be made a hero. But maybe you're on the level. Either way, I have my own insurance. I've got you on tape, and now I've got your name."

"And if I was lying about being divergent just to get information, how would that help you?"

"If you're _not _a divergent, and this was all some elaborate scheme worked up by your superiors, it won't. But if you _are _– and my gut tells me you are – and you still want to rat us out to take any heat off of you, I've got proof to back up any testing they might have to weed you out as a divergent. So if we go down, you do too. You'd deserve to. And oh, yes. I know about testing. And there's plenty of talk about the serums."

His logic wasn't completely sound, but it was solid enough for me to understand that things had just gotten really sticky.

He went on. "Our Abnegation friend over there is right. It would be useful to have someone on the inside to let us know what's going on. And you said that you've got another divergent friend in Dauntless who has more information than you. You don't have to tell him about us. Maybe it would be best if you didn't. But make sure he keeps feeding you this information." He paused. "And you should know this. There are about three of us factionless, myself included, who know a way out."

"A way out of what?" I asked.

"A way _out_. Of _here_. Beyond the boundary. Beyond the fence."

I looked at him, and I couldn't have been more startled than if he'd suddenly sprouted horns and a tail. I remembered the very recent memory of how the metal of the fence felt beneath my fingers curling around it, and I remembered the hope and yearning I'd felt up there on the ledge to get out. To be free.

"_How_?"

"That's not important right now. You deliver us information, and in time, I'll let you know. But – if you're truly who you say you are, I know you want to leave this place. Like we all do. And when the time is right, I have a way out. And I can get you there."

He looked at me gravely, and inexplicably my face crumpled suddenly and my eyes filled with tears. I realized then, in that moment, I wanted _out_. I wanted out so badly my chest ached. The pain of yearning for a different existence hurt so much I thought I might be having a heart attack. I doubled over.

Rand put his hand on my shoulder. "Sister," he said gently, and the word made me cry more. "Don't be afraid."

After a moment, his hand still on my shoulder and providing me a strange measure of comfort, I nodded, wiping my eyes, and straightened up. I was a little ashamed of my emotional outburst until I looked into his eyes, seeing them far more open now. Full of something that looked like acceptance. I realized he believed me then. He accepted me for what I was. A friend, an ally, maybe.

Divergent.

He reached out a hand, and I clasped it. His hand was warm, strong, and reassuring. He looked me in the eye, and nodded.

There was nothing left to be said tonight.

"I'll escort you back to the train," he said.

On the platform, Rand turned to me. "I don't expect you here every day. That would look suspicious for you to leave the faction that often, and someone might start to tail you. But if you can come, perhaps, once a week with news, that would be a great help to us."

I nodded. "I'll do my best. Listen – I just want you to know that I am who I say I am. But I only discovered this – information – about myself very recently. I'm still – this is all extremely new to me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this."

"I understand," he said. "We've all been there. But from one divergent to another, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can start thinking clearly and making a plan. Time is running out, and I'm pretty sure you know that better than any of us right now."

On the train back to Dauntless, I felt like I was waking up from some incredibly weird dream. It was hard to accept that the events of the evening had actually happened, but they had. And now, the worry and burden that was on my heart and shoulders just got even heavier.

On top of that, there was more fear. I was so paranoid now that for all I knew, perhaps _they _were the ruse, the whole thing orchestrated to expose _me_. And I'd just given up all the goods.

_No,_ I told myself firmly, feeling the anxiety stealing back over me. _No. You know in your gut Rand is on the level. You need to get your shit together and start thinking. Planning, like he said. _

I wondered if I should tell Four. I bet he'd want a way out too, if he knew it existed. He deserved to know, especially since he'd put so much on the line for me already. I inwardly face-palmed myself; he'd probably have kittens knowing what I'd done. He might even stop talking to me altogether, and he was my main source of information. Especially since Eric was so tight-lipped.

_Eric._

Throughout my strange encounter, I realized I hadn't thought of him once. What would he do? I couldn't tell him about any of this. But at the same time, I loved him. I didn't want to leave him behind, but I could just not picture him being willing to leave with me. And besides that, he was Dauntless through and through – would he even be accepted, if he ever did decide he would leave?

This was tearing me apart, and as a cold breeze of wind whipped into the car, it took the last remnants of my foolish hope with it.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: WOOHOO! It's Insurgent day! Did anyone go see it last night? I'm hoping to see it tonight. In honor of the release, I make good on my promise to get another update for you! It's not exactly where I was hoping to leave off this week, though. WAH. But don't worry. I'll be bringing our babies back together very soon. Like, next chapter soon. Things are getting really, really tricky, and I feel so bad for them both. **

**Please leave reviews! Please please please. Hope you all enjoy the film!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

_Eric_

It was late – beyond late – when I finally got home. Night training with the initiates was a multi-night process and the first couple excursions were always the hardest. Getting them used to the gear, to the weapons, to the change in atmosphere. It was never my favorite thing and I always fervently prayed that they would catch on sooner rather than later if for no other reason than to preserve my fucking sanity.

Still, I thought I was pretty good at maintaining my patience, at least outwardly. Initiates were like small children who had to be taught how to do things, and while I believed a healthy dose of aggression, fear, and "tough love" yielded the best results, it was impossible to believe that initiates, especially transfers, could be expected to thrive and succeed in an impatient or hostile environment.

I stripped down and crawled into bed, flopping onto my back with a heavy sigh. Though I'd spent my entire life sleeping alone up until a few nights ago, it suddenly felt wrong to be sleeping here by myself. I missed Jayce, and it amazed me how quickly things could change after…things changed.

My sheets and pillow still held a lingering scent that was uniquely hers, a mixture of her shampoo and perfume and natural aroma. I closed my eyes, imagining she was beside me, a lock of her silky black hair twirling between my fingers as I watched her sleep.

I felt really bad about my behavior earlier. I'd even surprised myself with my little tantrum of jealousy. All of this shit was new to me – processing intense feelings for a woman, having those feelings heightened with amazingly pleasurable physical acts, and having them reciprocated. I didn't think I could live normally without her, and there'd been so much negative tension between us the past couple days that a huge part of me was afraid that all of this was starting to be over before it really got a chance to begin.

Maybe it was for the best, after all. Granted, we were young now, but there would come a day where we could no longer leap from trains, scale buildings, fight "bad guys", heft weapons. Our bodies would betray us before our hearts and minds would. And then what – would we live factionless, or would we die? Personally, I would have chosen death over being factionless.

But that was before Jayce and I had bonded ourselves together.

Whereas before, I concerned myself with looking days, weeks, maybe a month ahead, now I found myself thinking about the future. Five years from now, ten, twenty. Living factionless was no kind of life for us to live together – Jayce deserved better than that. But if we did leave Dauntless once our bodies forced us to do so, at least we'd be together. And there was solace in that, knowing that we'd be poor and living off the charity of the factions, but we'd have each other, until we died.

I wondered what she wanted. Would she want to live in poverty with me until we were old and decrepit? Or would she choose the brave man's way, the true Dauntless way, and ask to be put down? And who would go first? What would happen if her body gave out before mine? I knew I couldn't live without her. Would I ask them to end me, then, too? Or the other way around – if I reached the end of my rope before she did. Would I want to know that she'd be following me a moment later?

_What if you could run away? What if you could leave all of this behind? What if you escaped beyond the perimeter and just…lived?_

For an instant, for the briefest nanosecond, it was a temptation. A logical temptation; the only choice.

_Treason. Absolute treason. Shut up. Stop it._

It was just a fleeting fantasy. Something completely unrealistic that would never happen. I would never betray Dauntless, betray the faction system. There was nothing outside the perimeter, nothing but wilderness and chaos. Civilization and peace were here, within the perimeter. It was the only place to be. There was no way we could leave.

_Peace may end. Very soon. And the very city you want to stay in and protect might become no better than the wilderness beyond the barricade. And then what? You may as well take her and run then. The impending situation – the potential war – might make the perfect time to run away together. _

I sounded like a fucking divergent. No loyalty, complete anarchy. No. It would never happen. I silenced the voice.

But then it whispered again, one more question.

_What would she want? Do you really think she's happy here?_

That brought me up short.

The concept of happiness was one that I'd never been particularly focused on. It was a common assumption of mine, and maybe most people, that if the city was safe and there was peace and calm and everything was going the way it was supposed to and people were doing what they were supposed to be doing, there was happiness. Personal contentment was something else altogether, and I realized, one I'd never given much thought to. I didn't think I was particularly _un_happy. I was a respected leader, the faction ran smoothly, I was good at my job, and that was it. But then I realized that having Jayce in my life in the capacity that she was in it was something wholly different. A different kind of happiness.

Granted, things weren't perfect between us at the moment, and maybe they never would be. But I couldn't deny that there was a part of my soul that felt full when she was near. And in the moments I'd had where she was lying next to me, in my arms, looking into my eyes, I'd experienced true contentment. True happiness. I'd never felt anything like it before.

I knew she felt happiness with me – at least, when I wasn't being a prick, and she wasn't being stubborn, and we weren't fighting – because I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it in her touch, taste it in her kiss, I could hear it with every beat of her heart inside her chest. I could sense it intuitively. But whether she was truly happy in Dauntless was another matter. She was also a respected member of the faction. She was well-liked by most people. I couldn't picture her being "happy" in any other faction. In fact, I couldn't picture her anywhere else.

Then I paused. _Wait. That might not be entirely true…_

I realized at that moment in a sudden rush that I could picture in _every_ faction. She had a keen sense of intelligence that would make her at home in Erudite. She had a way of telling things like they were in a true Candor fashion. She was friendly and kind, and Amity would accept her with open arms. She was selfless and giving and unselfish, just like the Abnegation stiffs. And of course, she was tough and brave and a "doer", making Dauntless her home.

And that realization made me so uneasy I sat straight up in bed, realizing my heart was pounding.

I immediately tried to reason with myself. It wasn't unusual or even unreasonable for a member of a certain faction to have one or two traits of other factions. There were plenty of smart people in Dauntless. There were plenty of nice people or honest and forthcoming people here, too. That didn't mean that they were true Erudites or Candors at heart.

It didn't mean they were divergent.

After all, I had been born an Erudite. I had been _bred_ as an Erudite. And there were plenty of traits from my birth faction that were still around me. I was intelligent. I was well-read. I had an understanding of the world we lived in on an intellectual level that others didn't possess.

But where Erudites were thinkers, I had always also been a doer. I was prone to action. I never understood how Erudite could come up with an idea, and not put it into motion. Or uncover some information, and not do anything about it. The need to _do, _the need to take action, to get results, to make things happen, was overwhelmingly strong in me. I was brave, I was fearless, I was Dauntless through and through.

Similar to me, while Dauntless members might have had other traits ingrained in them from old factions, or just natural traits they were born with that mimicked the traits of other factions, they were _all _Dauntless through and through. That was why they were here. They didn't belong anywhere else. And conversely, members of the other factions might share traits, but it had to be said – none of them had the bravery of a Dauntless. Some of them might have believed that they had, but if they couldn't make it through initiation, then it proved that they just simply weren't what they believed they were.

I had never in my life met another person who carried so many traits of each faction to where they balanced out.

Like Jayce.

_You have seen her in action, _I reminded myself as the pounding in my chest got harder. _She is completely without fear. She's strong, she's physical, she's focused. She's the perfect soldier. _

She was, she absolutely was. The problem was – that was not _all _she was.

What if the woman I loved was a divergent?

I waited for the rush of scorn I felt for my own thoughts, the immediate rationalization that I found myself doing more and more where she was concerned. I waited for the onslaught of thoughts that would prove, to myself, why I was totally, completely, one-hundred-fucking-percent wrong about that. I waited.

Nothing came.

_She drew that picture of all five factions of her own accord. Someone saw it and wanted it, someone likeminded. _

_Someone divergent. _

It hit me like a punch to the stomach.

On a purely primal level, I knew that my "logic" – perhaps whirlwind of confusing and disturbing thoughts was a more accurate description – was sound. It just felt _right _inside me, like knowing that the sky was blue. It couldn't have been clearer than if it had been printed in black and white on a piece of paper in front of me. I don't know how I knew, but I just knew.

_You need proof,_ I told myself, feeling my fists clench. _You need to prove this. If it's true, then there's evidence. And if there is no evidence, it can't be true and you're a paranoid asshole. _

And if I proved it, if I found the evidence – then what?

Then, _what?_

Could I turn in the love of my life? Could I expose her for being a threat to our society? Could I look into her eyes and tell her I was sorry, but I'd have to turn her into Jeanine?

_You know what. You know what would happen to her. _

The anxiety rose up so high and hot in my chest I thought I might be having a stroke.

"One thing at a time, Coulter," I muttered to myself, squeezing my eyes shut tight. I needed rest. I needed to let go of the stresses of the day, the stresses of these thoughts that was quickly turning into heartache. I needed to turn off my brain.

Tomorrow, I would seek answers.

And that was as far into the future as I could think for the moment.

* * *

><p>When I woke up in the morning and hauled myself out of bed, I knew I'd had bad dreams, because I felt tired and unrested. I couldn't remember what the dreams were. There was some sort of shadow in them, though. That I remembered clearly – an insidious, nameless shadow that was threatening to destroy everything.<p>

I also woke with a heavy heart. Because although I had firmly decided on obtaining proof somehow to show myself that I was wrong about my instincts where Jayce was concerned, I knew it was unnecessary. I knew what I knew.

I leaned over the sink in my bathroom, looking myself in the eye. I saw a young man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"You don't know shit," I muttered to myself, and flicked on the water.

I got dressed in my normal black T-shirt, pants, leather vest and boots and walked to the compound. I was not in the mood to train today, to lead, to provide guidance, to interact with people. I wanted to be left alone. But I was a responsible leader, trusted to do a thorough job in my station. And I didn't have a choice.

Eating was out of the question this morning but I needed a cup of black coffee after my fitful night of sleep. I knew Jayce typically had breakfast with Dri at this time of the morning and found myself searching the huge room for her. I spotted Dri at the table they usually shared, and she was alone.

I approached the table. Dri caught me in her peripheral vision and looked up. She looked distracted, but she nodded at me in greeting. "Hey."

I returned her nod. "Where is Jayce?"

She gave me a look that was equal parts confusion and suspicion. "I don't know. I haven't seen her this morning. She said last night that she wasn't feeling well and left without eating dinner. I figured…you would have talked to her or seen her at some point."

"We had night training last night," I said abruptly, not caring for her unspoken but clearly obvious implication, especially coupled with the look on her face. "She knew that."

Dri got to her feet. She was just a little thing, but she stared at me with enough intensity to make her seem much bigger than she was. "Listen, Eric, I don't really know you that well –"

"Or at all," I interjected.

"–but I'll tell you this. If you ever break her heart, or otherwise fuck with her in any way, I will cut off your balls and introduce them to your rectum, you know what I'm saying?"

I stared at her in surprise for a beat. Very few people – correction, _no one _– spoke to me like that. Ever. Mostly because they were intimidated by me. But I found Dri's threat endearing somehow; she was loyal to the woman I loved, a good friend, and cared enough about her well-being to get out of pocket with a superior. There was no way in hell I could be mad about that.

I cracked a quarter of a smile. "I get you," I said finally. "And I'm sorry for being a little – _rude_ this morning. I'm just a little bit distracted, I guess."

"So is she lately," Dri said, folding her arms. "And not really in a good way. You guys having problems already?"

I fought the urge to sneer at her. _Jayce's friend. Worried about Jayce. Relax. _"Work," I finally replied. "It's not leaving us a lot of time for each other." That seemed fitting, and it wasn't entirely untrue. It just went way deeper than face value. "I don't like to hear that she hasn't been feeling well and skipping meals." And that was true. And most of all, I didn't like to think that it had anything to do with her being unhappy with me.

Or worried about something else. The same thing I was worried about.

Dri's face softened a little. "If I see her, I'll tell her you were looking for her. Okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks."

I let Four do most of the talking during the morning session. I was glad that things were not particularly interactive, like fighting or weapon exercises. This morning, it was one of the very few legitimate lectures we ever gave on the history of Dauntless, and the most important attributes of Dauntless members, leading into case studies around awareness of physical surroundings, acts of bravery, and possible jobs and expectations.

By lunchtime, I had gained enough of an appetite to quickly choke down a burger and guzzle some water. I thought I'd take the opportunity to swing by the tattoo parlor to see if Jayce was there. The thought of her possibly – probably – being divergent was still heavy on my mind and made me feel a little sick, but at the same time, I was feeling so down and out of it that I knew the only thing that could lift my spirits was the sight of her face and the feel of her body in my arms.

The irony of it – being in love with the sort of person I was supposed to not only hate but persecute – was not lost on me, and made me regret for a moment eating that burger.

"Mr. Coulter."

I stopped in my tracks, the voice that called my name immediately startling me and also filling me with a little anxiety.

Jeanine Matthews.

I turned around, adopting a stiff, military-like posture, watching as she approached. As always, she was dressed and styled impeccably, wearing a beautiful cobalt blue dress. Her makeup was flawlessly applied and there was not a single blonde hair out of place. Max trailed at her side.

"Hello, Ms. Matthews," I said formally.

She smiled warmly, which was about one notch above arctic. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything. You seemed like you were heading somewhere specific."

"No, ma'am," I lied. "What can I help you with?"

I watched as she exchanged a glance with Max, and then smiled at me again. "Well, I came by to address a bit of business with Max this morning, and then we began talking about that experiment I mentioned that last time I was here, if you recall."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied politely.

"There is a sample of serum that I meant to bring with me today that I completely forgot. I was going to send a courier with it tomorrow, but Max and I thought you might like to accompany me back to Erudite and pick it up yourself. It's been a while since you've been to your old stomping grounds, hasn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, feeling slightly confused. I'd been back to Erudite plenty of times but only on missions. I never saw my parents, and only briefly saw my old best friend, now a scientist.

"Well, let's go, then," Jeanine said lightly. "My car is waiting."

_What is this?_

I glanced at Max and he simply nodded impassively.

I followed Jeanine outside, and automatically reached for her car door to open it for her. She nodded her thanks and slid inside, and after a moment, I followed.

It felt odd to be in a car, especially next to Jeanine Matthews. I hoped my unease didn't show, but I was damned uncomfortable. She seemed to sense it, turning her head to give me a long, measuring look.

"I've told you before, Eric, that Erudite was sad to see you go on your Choosing Day," Jeanine said. "You had a lot of potential as an intellect, and you showed an aptitude for critical thinking and philosophy."

I bobbed my head. "Thank you," I replied. "But my aptitude was always for Dauntless. While I value intellect, I suppose you could say I've always been more of a doer than a thinker."

She smiled. "I see that is very much the case and I commend you for it. Max raves constantly about your leadership and your loyalty to your faction despite being as young as you are. I'm pleased that our new focus and mission will allow our factions to work closely together. I expect to see you shine, actually. You'll be able to meld the best of your abilities, your Erudite qualities and your Dauntless qualities."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I said simply, "Thank you."

"I know you've always been friendly with that scientist, what's his name? Miles?"

"Miles Moylan," I supplied. "And yes. We were best friends as children."

"Perhaps you can find the time to stop by and say hello to him today."

I nodded again, but inside I was shocked. Jeanine Matthews, encouraging friendships among faction members?

We pulled up in front of the pristine building and I hopped out first, holding her door open for her. Then I trailed her inside. I never failed to be impressed with Erudite headquarters. Everything was so clean and bright and white. Completely the opposite of Dauntless.

I drew stares and whispers, as I knew I would, following Jeanine to her office. She ignored them, so I did as well, but I couldn't help feeling a tiny bit smug. Sure, I was tall and muscular, I wore head-to-toe black and leather, and I was covered in tattoos and had my eyebrow pierced with screws. But these Erudite assholes could kiss my entire ass, because I was just as smart as them. Maybe smarter than some. And I'd been born here, and I'd chosen differently.

_I wasn't kicked out, _I thought, meeting the condescending gaze of a doctor head-on with my own cold stare. _I chose to leave. So fuck you._

I followed Jeanine into the brightest, whitest laboratory I'd ever seen in my entire life. I actually had to blink a few times for a moment, because it was so bright it made my eyes water momentarily. Her heels clicked smartly across the floor to a case, which she pulled off the counter by a handle and gave it to me.

"This is the sample serum I spoke of," she said unnecessarily. "I'll be returning to Dauntless later this week to conduct a test on this to make sure it's useable. I'd like you, Max, and Four to be present, and I'd like for you to also have one subject ready. Someone who is Dauntless through and through, to establish a baseline for when we use this in the real experiment. One of your very best."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied automatically, though my mind instantly began to race. "Not to sound egotistical but for the sake of simplicity, I'm sure I would suffice as a test subject."

"Don't be silly," Jeanine said with a chuckle. "I want _you_ to run the test. I'd like you to get a better feel for how to conduct these sorts of things, because as a leader you need to be knowledgeable of every aspect of how the faction runs. I'd prefer we test on a non-leader. Leaders already exemplify many special, stand-out qualities, such as yourself, and we don't want to skew the results by setting the bar too high."

She stopped and looked at me thoughtfully. Then her eyes lit up. "Oh." She snapped her fingers. "I know just the person. The young lady I met the other day – the one who was responsible for apprehending the factionless attacker from the warehouse. Jayce, wasn't it?"

The top of my head went cold. Her eyes practically bored into me, so I managed a nod. "Yes," I said, my voice sounding faint and distant to my own ears.

"Now, that young lady is purely Dauntless, isn't she?" Jeanine said with a smile. "Such bravery, such skill. She's the perfect person on which to run this test simulation – she's not in a position of leadership, and she exemplifies what a Dauntless member should strive to be." She patted my arm. "If you'll excuse me, Eric, I have some work that needs my immediate attention. Thank you for accompanying me back to Erudite. My car is out front to take you back to Dauntless, any time you're ready."

It was a dismissal. "Yes, Ms. Matthews," I said crisply. "We'll see you later this week at Dauntless. We'll make sure everything is ready per your request." It was the only thing I could say.

"Goodbye," she said, and opened the lab door, gesturing me through.

I walked slowly through the halls of the stark, scrubbed building, thinking back on my time with this faction. I'd spent only eight years away from here, after spending sixteen before that, but I felt like a complete outsider, because this was not where I belonged. I tried to picture myself wearing a blue suit every single day, walking these halls and talking to people about intellectual things and making plans, and never acting on any of those plans. It would drive me out of my mind.

I thought of my friend Miles, and my feet, carrying me toward the exit, slowed. I wondered how he was faring. I knew he worked in this building, on an upper floor, and Jeanine _had_ suggested that I swing by and visit him. I wouldn't be out of line by any means in doing so.

I headed back toward the elevator, riding it to the floor where the scientists worked. The last time I had seen Miles was maybe about a year ago. Though I was certain he felt some sort of way about the fact that I had defected so many years ago, he never treated me any other way than his old friend. I knew many, many people in Erudite, and they all but turned up their noses at me. Miles never had, and his friendship meant a lot to me.

I located the lab he worked in, and found it empty, so I walked down the hall toward the back where the offices were. He had his own office with his name on the door, and I knocked on the frame, suppressing a smile at the sight of my old buddy.

He was clacking away intensely at a keyboard, but glanced up, his brow furrowed in annoyance at being disturbed. When he saw that it was me, he broke into his old toothy grin and got up immediately.

"As I live and breathe!" he exclaimed, reaching out to clasp my hand firmly in a very un-Erudite manner. "Eric, my friend. How have you been? What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"Miles," I said, offering one of my very rare smiles. "I was here on some business with Jeanine and thought I'd stop by and check up on you."

"Jeanine?" Miles repeated, raising his brows. "Really. What business is that, if I may ask?"

"I picked up some developmental serums, for training purposes to be used in Dauntless," I replied.

"I see. So, how are things in the land of the wild and crazy? I mean, the brave and fearless."

I smirked. "They're steady," I replied automatically. It wasn't completely true. "New class of initiates to be trained. City to protect. Perimeter to secure. The usual. And here?"

Miles shrugged and took his seat. "Well, I'm usually buried in the lab looking at specimens under a scope most of the day, but I'll tell you what, I keep hearing nothing except the beef between us and Abnegation, and the whole divergent mess."

"Divergent mess?" I repeated slowly.

He shrugged. "I probably shouldn't say anything, but you're an old pal, and besides, if you're working with Jeanine, you must know something already, or you're about to." His intelligent eyes gleamed at me, and I didn't bother trying to insist that I knew nothing. I shrugged, then conceded with a nod.

He nodded in satisfaction. "I thought as much. Anyway, as I'm sure you've heard, Abnegation in particular has been accused of harboring divergents for years and Erudite believes it is becoming an increasing problem. Between Abnegation and the factionless, it's believed that divergent numbers are far greater than we can fathom, and the word is that they're preparing for a mass assault on the factions. But, of course, you're aware of that, since your team in particular was responsible for bringing us the factionless former Amity member and the giant cache of weapons."

"It's said there's far more than where even that came from," I said. "What became of the prisoner, by the way?"

Miles shrugged. "He was questioned, I know that much. Pretty stringently, I might add. I don't know of any information that he may have given up. And I don't know what happened to him after. Hard to imagine that they would release him back to the factionless, and we don't have holding cells for prisoners here. And if you don't know what became of him, then I assume he was not returned to Dauntless custody. Therefore…" He trailed off, and the implication became very obvious.

_They killed him._

I studied him. "What's your take on all this? This 'divergent mess', this beef between Abnegation and Erudite?"

Miles shrugged again. "You know, I'm aware of how Amity this is going to sound, but…honestly? I don't see why there needs to be any problem whatsoever. Divergents exist, we know, but up to now they haven't caused any problems. And if they have caused problems or they _want_ to cause problems, it's only because they know they're being persecuted. I don't see why we have to go down the road of war again, and that's what all of this is shaping up to be, by my lights. I don't want any part of it. That's why we have this system in place, to ensure the peace."

"So you're saying, live and let live?"

"They did it just that way for so many years, long before our time, my brother," Miles said gravely. "And while past civilization certainly had their issues, it wasn't as…oppressive as this is beginning to feel." He looked at me wryly. "Permission to speak, I hope, sir. Unless, now you have to take me into custody for sounding so very divergent?" He held out his wrists, a mocking smile on his face.

"No," I said, with a weak grin. "Absolutely not. But, speaking of which…"

I wasn't sure what made me do it, but the more I sat and looked at my oldest friend in the world, and listened to him speak, I suddenly felt like maybe I could trust him with a special request. And quite frankly, he was the only person who could really help me in that moment.

I turned and shut the door to his office, and then took a seat across from him. His face registered mild surprise and I saw the way his eyes carefully examined the dead serious look on my face.

"I did come by to check up on you, see how you've been doing," I said. "But – there's something more. I need your help."

Miles' eyebrows practically shot off his forehead. "Eric – what is going on? Are you all right?"

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I can't say much right now. But I need to know if you can access the database where the aptitude test results are kept. I know it's completely not your specialty, but – can you do it?"

Miles hesitated. "I can access the files," he said slowly. "They're not exactly restricted among those of us with certain clearances. But – it would raise a lot of eyebrows if it ever came out that I did access them. There's really only a select few who do look at them."

"I know," I said quietly. "And believe me, if I didn't really need the help, I wouldn't ask."

Miles studied me for a moment, then gave me a slight nod. "All right. I'll help you, Eric."

He turned to his computer and with a few clicks brought up a database. He entered a series of no less than a dozen passwords before he accessed another database. He glanced at me. "How far back we going?"

"Eight years," I replied, scooting my chair next to his.

"Name?"

"Jayce Meloni," I said woodenly. I spelled it for him.

Miles typed her name into the database. After a moment, the search result popped up and he clicked on it. He scanned it. "Interesting. Her test results were Dauntless, but it looks like they were manually entered."

"Manually entered?" I repeated.

Miles nodded. "Normally, the testing serum talks straight to the program. The results are recorded and there is a very short span of time before they're uploaded to the test result database. In this case, it looks like her test administrator _manually _entered her results in, which is not necessarily unheard of, but pretty uncommon."

"Why would he do that?" I asked slowly.

"Could be a number of reasons in general," Miles said with a shrug, "but the reason he gave when Erudite questioned him about it was that there was some sort of glitch in the system. He claimed her Dauntless test result appeared and then the system failed briefly, wiping it out, so as opposed to making her go through the test again – which is what he probably should have done – he simply entered it himself."

"How many times has the system failed?"

"Counting this instance?" Miles asked, nodding his head toward the screen. "Once."

_Shit._

I sat back in my chair and steepled my fingers in front of my face.

Miles looked at me steadily. "She a…friend of yours?"

I glanced at him. "You could say that," I replied. Then I sighed heavily. "I'm in love with her."

Miles made a face of surprise. "Whoa, look at you," he said, gently teasing. "The big bad Eric Coulter finally found a nice girl to settle down with."

I gave him a half-smile. _That's the hope. But some people don't want it to be that way._

He frowned. "Is there something going on here? Why are you concerned about her test results?" Before I could answer, I saw his eyes light up with understanding. "Oh… I'm guessing it's not a coincidence that we discussed divergents immediately before you asking me about your girlfriend."

"Miles," I said quietly. "I need your word – as my oldest friend in the world, maybe my _only_ friend in the world – that you will never, ever speak of this, of her, to anyone. Ever."

He took a deep breath, and I understood I was basically asking him to betray his faction. He wasn't alone; it looked like I was doing the exact same thing. But then he reached out and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Eric," he said. "I give you my word, as a man, as your friend, that I will forget this part of this visit ever happened." He placed a hand on his chest. "I'd never betray you."

I nodded. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"But you should be cognizant of the fact that this makes things very, very dangerous for you." He leaned toward me and pitched his voice even lower, even though it was just me and him in his office with the door shut and no one else around. "Erudite – Jeanine – is on a fucking warpath, man. They're killing divergents left and right, no questions asked."

"I know," I murmured back. "And, I'm only fairly sure Jayce is…what she might be. I think I need to talk to the test admin to be a hundred percent sure. This could all be a gross misunderstanding."

"Right," Miles said doubtfully. He looked at the screen. "Her test administrator's name was James Fields."

_James Fields. _ The name didn't ring a bell to me whatsoever, but Dauntless was only so big, and it wouldn't be that hard to track him down.

I got to my feet, and Miles did the same. I extended my hand. "I've taken up enough of your time, man. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Anytime," Miles said, shaking my hand. He gripped it tight for a minute and looked at me with concern. "Remember what I said, Eric – be very, very careful."

"I will," I assured him. "I have to be."

_It's life or death._


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Gasp! What's this? A second update today and a FOURTH update this WEEK?! I had to give you guys some togetherness. This is a little shorter than the rest, but, intense. Enjoy and review. MWAH.**

**Chapter 14**

_Eric_

James Fields used to have a top security job, up until the year I – and Jayce – joined the faction. He had glowing remarks in his file about being both physically and mentally astute, unparalleled. A true example for the rest of us.

The year that I – and Jayce – entered the faction as initiates, James Fields suddenly relinquished his position in the security force. It was documented that he'd gone to speak with Dauntless leadership regarding the change of position. He said that he wanted to work the perimeter security detail. He said that it gave him a better opportunity to make sure people were safe.

Perimeter security was one of the lowliest stations within Dauntless. Most people started out there, but it was only a landing spot on the way up the career ladder. People who stayed in perimeter security as an actual career were typically the bottom of the totem pole within the faction; they weren't the brightest. In other words, that job was for the members who were practically one step above being factionless. It wasn't something that anyone would choose – there was no recognition in the job, no notice. There was no award for "best perimeter guard". It got little respect, despite the fundamental importance the job carried.

And if someone wanted to fly under the radar, and stay there, it was a great place to be.

Being that I was a leader within Dauntless, it was part of my job to know the members on a first name basis. I was pretty good at that aspect of it, but I never really bothered to learn the names of the perimeter security because, well, there didn't seem to be a need. Therefore, I never paid attention to James Fields, because I didn't have to. Initiates were more important than perimeter security.

I walked outside and made the rounds among them, asking for James Fields and following the directions to where I could find him. The security detail tightened up as I approached, as they should have. I might not have known them, but they sure as hell knew me.

I found James Fields on the far side of the Dauntless compound. I had timed my search to coincide with the evening meal, so most of the detail went indoors to eat. They only got twenty minutes to eat, since taking their sweet time at any meal was clearly out of the question. That left James and I alone. And I didn't feel bad for taking his break from him.

"You're James Fields?" I asked. He was older than me, but I was taller. He seemed agile enough, if more on the lithe side as opposed to my bulkier, muscular side. He looked like he was in his late thirties, with cropped, slightly thinning hair. He used to have a mohawk, according to a picture of him on file from back then. He had a mustache and a goatee, and his lip was pierced.

"That's me," he said. Then he added, "Sir."

"I need to ask you something," I said. "And I need this to be understood that this is not to be shared with anyone outside the two of us. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." He already looked nervous.

"How long have you been in perimeter security?"

"Eight years. Sir."

"And what did you do before then?"

"Top security, sir."

"Why did you leave that job? That's a very high-ranking position."

"Yes, sir," he said, bobbing his head. "I wanted to be closer to the outside forces, really do my part to make sure Dauntless stays safe."

I regarded him steadily. "That's bullshit," I replied, "and I think we both know that."

James paled.

I took a step closer until we were almost nose to nose. "You used to administer aptitude tests before Choosing Day, didn't you?"

I hit the nail right on the fucking head, because he got even paler and a tremor went through him visibly. He knew just where this was about to go – good.

"Just once, sir."

"Just once," I repeated. "Do you remember the individual that you tested?"

He shook his head fast. Too fast. "No, sir."

"Really," I replied. "The only aptitude test that you administered, ever, and you can't recall who the person was you tested?"

"No. Sir."

I took a step closer, a fraction of an inch. "I don't like it when people lie to me, Fields."

He cleared his throat.

"You should know something about me," I went on quietly. "And that is if I'm asking you a question, it's probably a safe bet that I already know the answer. So let's cut the shit, and you start talking. Yeah?"

He said nothing, his eyes going wide. I sighed. "I guarantee you that this is going to be entirely more painful for you if you _don't _talk than if you do. I'm not looking to get you in trouble here, Fields. As I said, this chat stays between us – goes for me as much as you. But I've never been a patient man, and what little patience I do have is rapidly disintegrating. So we can do this easy way, or the hard and painful way. Your choice."

He cleared his throat and paused, sighing before he began. "Was a girl," he muttered. "Small girl. Both parents Dauntless, though the mother was an Amity transfer. Both of 'em killed on separate missions. Pretty shady, actually, if you ask me."

"Their deaths?" I asked.

"Yeah. Too coincidental to be a coincidence."

_Very, very interesting. _"Tell me about the girl."

"Quiet little thing. Polite. Her daddy loved her. Smart, sweet. Remember her as a little girl. He used to always take her 'round with him, telling everyone she was his little lady."

My stomach tightened. _Lady J. _"Go on. Tell me about the test."

"I gave her the serum, she went out like a light like everyone else does. She made most of the choices like a Dauntless would make them, but it was the _way_ she made the choices. There was thought behind it, calculation, almost like I see all the different scenarios playing out in her head. She did some things that weren't Dauntless, too."

"And her results?"

He looked at me steadily. "Dauntless, of course."

I clenched my jaw. "It's on record that you manually entered her result. And it's also on record that you stated that the system failed, wiping her result, causing the manual entry. And the amount of times before that that the system had failed total none. It doesn't happen. So again, my friend – why don't you tell me what _did _happen."

He stared at me, then surprised me with his next statement. "I don't care anymore about what happens to me. I took this job stay off people's radar. Eventually I'd be forgotten. I didn't want any heat for what I did, but I always knew this would come back around to haunt me. And I don't care anymore – but I do care about her. I know she's the nurse now, she's well-liked around here. What's gonna happen to her? You're gonna kill her like all the other ones, aren't you? That's why you're asking me all this!"

"All the other what?" I asked with a steadiness I didn't feel. "All the other _what_?"

He gulped. "All the other divergents," he whispered. "'Cause that's what she is. She got Dauntless, Erudite, Amity, Candor, and Abnegation. She got all five goddamn factions. That's why I did what I did. I wanted to keep her safe. I did what I did to keep that little girl _safe _all these years." His eyes watered.

"That's what I'm trying to do now," I muttered back, feeling my heart contract a little bit. "I – I want to keep her safe too. But I had to know. She would never tell me. I think she knows now. But she'd never tell me."

And that hurt – even through the shock of hearing my worst fear confirmed, and what that would mean for her, and for me, and what I could do to keep her safe – it hurt that she said she loved me, but didn't trust me enough with that secret. It fucking _hurt._

I took a deep breath through my nose and looked him in the eye. "I'll do whatever I can to keep her safe," I said. "And you, too. I won't breathe a word of this to anyone. And that's why _you_ can never, ever tell anyone that we had this talk. Period. If you tell anyone – I'll know, and she will die. They will kill her. And then I will come find you, and I will kill you." I had never meant anything more. "Do you understand?"

He nodded, once. "Yes, sir."

I turned to leave, then paused. I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Thank you," I added quietly. "Thank you for caring enough to put your life on the line for her."

He nodded again, and looked away as tears rolled down his cheeks.

I made it through the evening in my office, working on my daily tasks outside of training. I made it through conversations with Max about the serum, and the sample test Jeanine wanted to run. I made it through a chat with Four about the upcoming night mission. I even made it through said night mission, doing a fine job like I always did, even though my head was a million miles away.

Late, late that night, I walked through the faction to the apartment building I needed to be in. I found myself outside the door I needed to get through, and pounded on it until it opened, revealing the person I needed to talk to.

Her jet black hair tumbled around her shoulders, almost down to her elbows, and huge gray eyes stared up at me out of her beautiful but drawn and pale face.

"Eric?" she whispered.

"I know about you," I said, and stepped toward her. She took a step back, terror washing over her face. It cut like a knife. Was she afraid of me?

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, hard, and locked it.

"I know what you are," I repeated. "Divergent."

* * *

><p><em>Jayce<em>

I had never felt so terrified in my entire life.

I'd been missing Eric that night, and feeling forlorn and confused and frightened, and like magic, he'd showed up, knocking at my door. But the look on his face when I opened it made the bottom drop out from under me. I'd never seen him look so intense, so disturbed, so – scared. So intimidating.

And I realized that it was all over.

It was over now, it was done. I was finished. He'd restrain me and march me down to headquarters. They'd contact Erudite, maybe Jeanine on her personal line, and that would be that. My life would be snuffed out like I never existed.

But what broke my heart the most, what shattered it, was not the fact that my life was over now. I wasn't afraid of death. I knew it was part of life, and I knew there would come a day where it would be my turn. The thing that broke my heart the most was the knowledge that Eric hated me now. He'd loved me, and then he'd realized I was the thing he'd been commanded to hunt and kill, and he hated me now. He would be the one to send me to Erudite custody. His would be the last face I'd see before going away, and picturing the look of cold hatred on it killed me.

I burst into tears.

"Just do it, then," I sobbed. "Don't even bother calling Erudite now. Just do it, here. Get it over with."

I put my head in my hands and wailed.

It was all so unfair. This faction system was evil, designed to keep order and peace but instead promoting oppression and murder. I hadn't asked to be born this way. I just had been. And it would be my undoing, and it would separate me from Eric.

Suddenly I felt warm hands around my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. His touch was gentle, and when I looked up at him, he looked completely destroyed. His face was ashen, and his eyes were bright, almost like – almost like he was tearing up.

"You think I would do that?" he whispered. "You think I would do that to you? You think I would send you off to be killed? My God, Jayce. My _God_."

"Isn't that what you're going to do?" I asked tearfully. "Isn't that what you _have_ to do now?"

"I could never," he began, his voice catching in his throat. He shut his mouth with a snap and stared at me, his throat visibly working as he struggled to regain his composure. "I could never do that to you. Ever. Jesus Christ, Jayce. I fucking love you."

He pulled me into his arms, the place I longed to be the most, and I buried my face in his chest and fell completely apart.

Somehow we ended up on the floor, and his back was against my sofa, cradling me in his arms. He said nothing, just kept his arms tight around me. Through my tears and sobs I could hear and feel how fast his heart was beating.

Finally I sat up, pushing my hair out of my face and wiping tears off my cheeks. I knew I had to look like a complete and utter mess. "Say something," I begged.

He stared at me, his beautiful face looking exhausted and bewildered and shocked. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

I touched his face. "Please," I whispered.

I felt and saw his jaw tense beneath my hand. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked finally.

I withdrew my hand. "Eric, I just found out about two days ago, myself. I've been trying to wrap my mind around this and accept what it means. And I still don't know."

He sat up and grabbed my hand. "I could have helped you."

I let out a humorless laugh. "You got tasked to hunt divergents right around the time I found out I was one. How the hell could you have helped me?"

He frowned. "I've tried to be as open and honest with you as I can," he said, and I could hear the hurt below the anger in his voice. "I've taken steps with you I've never taken with anyone else. I've trusted in you – and you couldn't trust in _me_?"

"I know you have," I whispered. "It's just – you can understand how this makes things unbelievably fucked up for us, don't you?"

"And how did you know I was tasked to hunt divergents?" he went on as if I hadn't said anything. "I never told you that."

_Oh, shit._

No, he had never told me. Four had told me that.

"It's all over the faction," I said. "Maybe not that you've specifically been commanded to do that but all everyone talks about is divergents. And the questions you were asking about the tattoo yesterday – and so many other things. And me realizing what I am –"

"How did you only just find out?" he asked, softening slightly. "How have you not known all along?"

"I've always sensed I was different," I said. "That I fit in everywhere and nowhere at the same time. And I could never understand it. I don't know. With all the talk of divergents lately and me realizing how different I am – it all just came back to me. My aptitude test –" I broke off. "How did _you_ find out about me?"

He glanced away, shame making his skin redden slightly. "I – I had my own suspicions. And I did some research. I spoke to your aptitude test administrator."

"Who is that?" I asked, mystified. "I never even knew. He never told me his name. All I remember about him is his mohawk."

"His name doesn't matter right now," Eric said, "and neither does how I found out who he was. Jayce – you are in danger."

"I know that," I said tremulously, my eyes filling up again.

He slid his hands up my arms, cradling my face and making me look him in the eye. "Nothing is going to happen to you. I will _not _let anything happen to you."

"How can you say that?" I asked, the tears slipping down my face. "You know what you have to do. You have your orders. They can kill you for disobeying."

His hands tightened on me. "I don't care," he said desperately. "I love you. I'll do anything. I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe."

_I'll do anything._

I bit my lip, staring at him. "Would you…run away with me?"

He blinked, and I expected him to recoil. He stayed where he was. Then, with an exhaled breath, he said, "Yes."

"Really?" I whispered.

His face looked ashen again, but he nodded. "Yes. If we could find a way."

"There is a way," I said, clutching his shirt. I proceeded to tell him about riding the train last night and ending up in the hands of the factionless and what had happened in the warehouse. His facial expressions went from surprise to disbelief to shock to rage and back to surprise with practically every word. When I was done, he was shaking his head.

"Jayce," he said. "You have _no_ idea what you've gotten yourself into. An _informant_? To the factionless? Do you have any idea how much heat this could bring down on you, assuming you _don't _actually get caught and discovered as a divergent?"

"They know a way out," I insisted. "It's the only way to find it. I had to cooperate. Besides –" I broke off. "They – they're like me, Eric. They don't mean anyone any harm. They're trying to defend themselves. I can't – I can't let them be slaughtered. We didn't ask to be born divergent. We didn't ask for any of this."

_We._

Because I was a part of them, and they were a part of me. _We_ were cut from the same cloth, on the same side, wanting the same thing – freedom.

"This is fucking crazy," Eric muttered, mostly to himself. He shut his eyes, wincing like he had a migraine. In a low voice, he said, "There's nothing new to report right now that you didn't already tell them."

I felt a quick burst of guilt and shame, like I had committed a betrayal. But Dauntless wasn't really my faction anymore. None of them were.

"So if they didn't tell you the way out the other night, they won't until at least the next time you have something to tell them. Which means, we can't do anything for a little while. We have to stay put and act like everything is normal. Do you understand?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me. I nodded. I thought about telling him about Four, since Eric seemed to be on board with me. But something deep in my chest told me not to breathe a word about Four. If shit went downhill for me, I would not take Four with me. I couldn't, not after everything he'd done for me. And while Eric seemed to accept me, the same might not be true for Four. Unless escape was directly in front of us, completely unhindered, and thus making it _safe_ and necessary to share it, I would carry Four's secret to my grave.

That meant, then, that Four could never know about my meeting the other night. There was just no way that he and Eric could both know about it and not find out that the other knew. I wondered what that meant for his freedom. Maybe there would be a chance for us at the very last moment to go back for him.

_One thing at a time._

"You need to know," Eric went on, "that Erudite has been working on a serum that, when used within a simulation, will weed out the divergents from everyone else. It's in the testing stages. However, she's going to be here later this week to test the serum and see what needs to be improved. And she wants to test it on the perfect Dauntless member to create a baseline for future results."

"Okay," I said, trying to keep the surge of panic I felt at bay. "Then, I'll have to prepare for when that time comes. Maybe we can leave before –"

"She wants to test it on _you_," Eric interrupted.

My body went numb. "What?"

"She thinks that you are the perfect Dauntless soldier because of your actions on the mission the other day," Eric said, almost spitting out the words. "She specifically requested you. By name."

"There's no way," I stammered. "I can't –"

"I know. I know. We'll have to tell her you're sick, or something," Eric said, shaking his head. "I don't know yet. We'll think of something." He dropped his head into one hand. "I just can't fucking believe any of this shit…"

I had never seen or heard him sound so distraught before. As far a loop as this had thrown _me_, he had to be in a tailspin right now. In the span of a couple days, his entire life had changed, and it was only the beginning. He was getting ready to turn his back on his faction, his career, his life, society as we knew it, to run away with me. _For_ me.

It wasn't fair.

I sat still, watching him take deep breaths with his eyes tightly shut. "This isn't fair of me," I said quietly, and he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"What?"

"What I'm asking you to do," I said. "Betray your faction. Turn your back on them. Forget your life. Run away with me. None of it is fair to you, and you don't deserve it." I got up and started pacing. "Eric, I think you need to leave."

He got to his feet, too. "What are you talking about, Jayce? I'm not going anywhere."

I whirled around. "You need to!" I exclaimed tearfully. "Don't you see? I'm going to get you killed! I'm asking you to leave everything you've ever known, and I can't do that! It's not your fault I'm – I'm –" I flung my hands out to either side. "Like _this_!"

He took two steps and grabbed my arms, pulling me in close. "You're perfect," he said, his voice intense and gravelly. "And, yeah – this shit is all insane. It's a lot to ask anyone to take in and deal with. But I love you, and I can't live without you. So if you go – I go too. I don't care." His hands tightened on my upper arms. "Hear me when I say that. _I don't fucking care, _Jayce. I want you. I choose _you_."

I launched myself at him and he grabbed me, and our lips crashed together. I was up in his arms, my legs around his waist and we were kissing each other desperately, as if our lives depended on it. I had never felt so emotionally torn up before. I was terrified and confused and so in love with this man. Had he not been with me in that moment, I would have gone completely to pieces.

He pushed me up against a wall, and all I could register was the sound of our heavy breathing, excitement and desperation and fear all rolled together. Our mouths moved together feverishly, tongues meeting and remeeting until I didn't know where I ended and he began and vice versa. I was vaguely aware that we were both undressing, ourselves and each other, and then my back met the surface of my bed and he moved on top of me.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he wasted no time sliding into me. I squeezed my eyes shut and moaned at the feeling; I'd missed him so much these past few days and having him with me now made me feel almost slightly better.

He kept his face pressed to mine as he moved, rolling into me and sliding back out, his arms completely enveloping me. I could hear his soft, quick breathing in my ear punctuated by little grunts, feel the heat of his breath against my skin, and I wrapped my legs around him.

"I love you," I said softly into his ear, feeling tears prick my eyes for the millionth time that night. "I love you so much, Eric – I don't want to lose you –"

"You couldn't," he replied, lifting his head to look down at me. "You never will. If we have to run to the other side of the world – we will always be together, Jayce."

I felt like my heart was breaking and soaring at once, as white-hot heat flashed and built low in my womb. His hips picked up speed, his fingers curling tight in my hair against my scalp. It was building between us both, and we never dropped each other's gaze. I never wanted to look away from him. If I did, I'd be lost.

"Promise," I begged, gasping as the heat grew hotter and the coil drew tighter. "Promise me, Eric – please –"

"I promise," he said with a growl, his hips moving hard and fast and deep. "I promise, Jayce – always –"

We exploded together. I heard his deep, quiet groan in my ear while I wailed to ceiling, through it, to the sky. We held each other so tightly I knew we'd left marks, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but his promise.

And I believed him.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: *sigh* Insurgent was so good for my Muse. Did anyone see it yet? What did you think? Jai did a fantastic job, for what screen time he got. *sob* He was so deliciously mean and evil and bad in this movie! And also so angstyyyyy. GAH. **

**By the way, I forgot to tell you that the last part of the last chapter, and the first part of this chapter, were both written to a song called "Beautiful with You" by Halestorm. I highlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy reco you check the song out on YouTube or something. It's THEIR SONG. GAH. **

**Anyway, please enjoy this update and leave a review! Much love. xoxo**

**Chapter 15**

_Eric_

I was up, as usual, before the dawn.

Jayce's bare back was against my equally bare front, and she was curled into a little ball. I had one arm beneath her head, and both her hands clutched that arm. My other arm was wrapped around her waist and I held her to me as tightly as possible. I did not want to let her go.

It had been difficult for me to sleep, and I'd been up for a timeless time, staring at the ceiling. My head was a jumble of thoughts. I was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Jayce was divergent, that she knew of a way to escape the city – rather, she knew people who knew a way, that I was prepared to leave in a heartbeat. Leave everything behind, my entire life, the only life I'd ever known, to follow this woman to the ends of the earth.

It wasn't a decision I needed to weigh. It was the only thing to do. Only thing I _could _do.

On top of all of that, I somehow managed to forget that the initiates would be ending stage two of their training today, and stage three, the fear landscape simulation, would be taking place in just a few days. And then, we'd have a pack of new Dauntless members.

Jeanine had said she'd be back in a couple of days to run the test simulation. I still wasn't entirely sure what sort of serum it was; I added it to my to-do list to research it a little more thoroughly today, if I could.

Then Jayce shifted in my arms, turning over on her other side to face me. I felt her warm breath against my chest as she wrapped her arm around my waist. I could smell the sweet scent of her hair wafting up into my nose and fingered a lock of her shiny black hair, watching the strands slip through my fingers like silk.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," she murmured into my skin. "Just the two of us. Here. Never have to leave, never have to worry about anything."

It did sound quite a lot like heaven to me, staying here in this bed with her for eternity. "Are you afraid?" I asked quietly, pulling her closer.

"Aren't you? And don't spew the Dauntless outlook on fear to me. Be honest."

I gave it some thought. "I'm most afraid of something happening to you, and me not being there," I replied finally. "If anything happened to you, Jayce…" I trailed off, forcing myself not think of it. "I'd be…I'd be done."

She pushed herself up on her elbow, a hand on my chest, looking down at me. "If anything happens to me, Eric, you need to know that I understand the risks of all of this. I know I could die. I know people would gun for me just because I'm divergent. And I'm not afraid to die. Okay?"

This was a topic I just did not want to discuss, but it seemed to be really important to her. "You're not?"

She shook her head. "No," she replied softly. "I believe life goes on after we die. I believe in heaven. And I believe that this…" Her fingers trailed over the left side of my chest before she pressed her palm over my heart. "_This_ goes on forever. No matter what."

"I don't want to talk about you dying anymore," I said hoarsely. I cleared my throat. "It will never happen. Not on my watch."

She just smiled a little, and kissed my chest.

I ran a hand through her hair and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "We just have to be very careful, but very normal," I said. "Especially now that Jeanine has…_noticed _you."

"It's not a coincidence that she wants me for that test," Jayce said woodenly. "It can't be. I feel like this is tied to my parents somehow…"

I looked at her. "What do you know about your parents? Your father was Dauntless-born, and your mother was a transfer from Amity. Right?"

"Yes," Jayce said. "At least, that's what I've been told."

"Everything else has been a lie," I muttered. "Why not that?" Then I realized that I was being a little flip about her parents, so I touched her cheek. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's okay. I just – now I'm wondering if divergence could be hereditary."

"You think one of your parents was divergent and passed it on to you?"

Jayce bit her lip. "Doesn't that seem sort of likely?"

It did. It did make sense, although I'd never heard of such a thing. "I've got a friend in Erudite," I said slowly. "I might be able to get him to look up some information on your parents. Test results, maybe, or something similar."

"That would be good," Jayce replied quietly. She rested her head on my chest, her fingers skirting my skin lightly as I brushed her shoulder and back with my fingertips. Her skin was like satin beneath my fingers, and her touch left little bursts of heat against my skin, wherever they swept.

After a moment, I leaned up, gently pushing her to her back. She understood what I needed, and I could see she needed the same. I lowered my face to her neck as her thighs parted and hugged my sides, and I reached down, slowly guiding myself into her snug, warm embrace.

She gasped softly in my ear and I explored her neck with my lips as my hips started to move. Last night had been feverish, desperate, intense. I needed her to feel secure now, just as I needed to feel the safety of her love around me, too.

I moved in and out of her with slow, deep strokes, grinding my hips against her when I bottomed out. She felt amazing around me, and I decided that _she _was my haven, my own living, breathing manifestation of heaven.

"Eric," she whispered, her arms wrapping around me tightly. "I love you…"

"I love you," I whispered back, and marveled at how easily it was coming out of my mouth now. I could feel her wetness coating me, the sensation almost unbearable with its pleasure. I clenched my jaw and squeezed my eyes shut as I felt myself reach my maximum growth. I began taking her harder, unable to stop myself, but it seemed to be just what she needed, as her mouth fell open and her head tilted back into the pillows.

I lowered my head to pull one of her nipples between my lips and tease it with my tongue, trying to distract myself from how good she felt around me. I couldn't let go just yet; I needed her to get there, because the feeling of her shattering around me was almost better than reaching my own peak.

I feasted on her flesh as my hips pounded into her, and then I felt that magical tightening, a rhythmic squeezing pulse around my cock that sent ripples of pleasure down my spine. Then I felt her body give a tremendous shudder beneath me, heard her low cry in my ear, and that lovely pulsing milked me, pulling everything I had from me as I pressed into her with a heavy grunt.

For a moment I rested my head on her shoulder, catching my breath. Then I lifted it to look into her face, seeing her eyes half-closed with satiety. Her lips looked soft and rosy and I took them with my own, kissing her with an intensity that made my exhausted cock shiver slightly with renewed interest.

"Eric," she said sleepily against my lips. "We are so, so late."

What? I checked the time – _fuck_. I was supposed to be at the compound by now, because the initiates were reporting in ten minutes.

We launched into a flurry of activity. No time for showering, so we cleaned ourselves up as best we could. I wasn't sorry that most of her scent would still be on me all day.

She got dressed in a long skirt and a cropped, scoop-neck sweater but I was stuck wearing my clothes from the day before. We sprinted out of her apartment and toward the compound, hand in hand. At the entrance, uncaring of who was around to see, I pulled her body close to mine and kissed her. She returned it with feverish intensity, her hands closed around the lapels of my vest.

"I'll bring you something to eat soon," she said against my lips. There was no way in hell I'd have time to eat this morning – I was already six minutes late. I knew Four was going to have a fucking field day with me.

"Thanks," I replied, finding it unbelievably hard to let her go.

"You better go," she added, but remained right where she was standing, her fists still clenched around my vest.

"I know."

I nuzzled her cheek, and could practically feel the heat of the stares that we were getting. It wasn't the PDA – no one gave a shit about that. It was the two people in particular involved in the PDA that they were gawking at.

"Tell me," she murmured into my ear, her fingers touching my cheek. "Tell me one more time."

"What?" I replied lazily against her neck, my hand at the small of her back and pressing her close to me. "That I'm crazy fucking in love with you and that I'd die for you?"

"No dying," she whispered, then touched my face with her other hand, cupping it, and kissed me on the lips, her tongue sweeping into my mouth. "I love you, too."

We touched our foreheads together. I sighed and closed my eyes. This was where I always wanted to be.

"You better go," Jayce said, and reluctantly released me.

I nodded and stroked my thumb down her cheek. I walked away a half dozen steps, then turned around. She was still standing there. Then she immediately flew into my arms.

Just one more kiss.

* * *

><p>The initiates were in the midst of their simulations by the time I got there. Max was helping Four, and gave me a pointed look when I got there. I knew he'd be curious, but he wouldn't give me too much shit, considering I'd been late in the past a total of zero times.<p>

Max was running the sims himself at the moment and Four was standing near the back of the line with his arms folded. I approached him, ignoring the curious look he gave me.

"You're late," he said unnecessarily.

I stared at him witheringly. "No shit," I snapped.

Instead of being offended, he only smirked. "Never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Won't happen again," I muttered, folding my arms and studying the initiates. Then I thought about Jayce's soft lips and skin and how I felt when I was close to her and how hard it was to walk away from her. "Probably."

I could practically hear his smile. "When are the children going to be ready for the final stage of initiation?" I asked to change the subject. "Are we still on track?"

Four nodded. "I think so. Although Jimmy has seemed pretty shaky these last few days. The first fear simulation left him with nightmares for three straight nights, I'm told."

"He needs to find a way to deal with it," I replied. "If he wants to be Dauntless."

"He's aware," Four said mildly.

After the simulations, Max called Four and I into his office. I expected a lecture on my lateness, but I wondered what Four did to get in trouble, too.

Instead, Max surprised me by addressing a completely different topic. Then surprise gave way to unease.

"Boys, Jeanine Matthews will be here at the end of the week. She's developed a serum that she wants used in future initiation classes for training purposes. It's an advanced fear landscape."

I knew that Max knew that I already knew about most of this, but he was just putting it out there for Four's benefit and to make it seem like he wasn't playing favorites by letting me in on intel before Four. "She wants it tested on a Dauntless, someone who's cream of the crop, to establish a baseline for results." He paused. "She's requested Lady J."

"Jayce?" Four repeated, sounding incredulous. Max and I both looked at him, and I felt another surge of jealousy. I didn't like hearing her name out of his mouth. "Why Jayce? She just does tattoos, for Christ's sake."

I felt my eyes narrowing. "Did you forget the skill she exercised on our last mission?" I said. "Or that she found the cache of weapons? Or that she apprehended a suspect and in the process saved my life?"

I didn't know why I felt compelled to get testy in response to his comment. I should be backing Four, since I didn't want Jayce anywhere near Jeanine. I mentally face-palmed myself; my damn pride kicked me in the ass again.

Then again, I didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to her. If I didn't support her, Max might get suspicious as to why both Four and I were nay-saying her and do some investigation, or worse, tell Jeanine. Maybe I didn't make such a bad choice after all. Besides, when I found a way to get her out of the test, it wouldn't look so suspicious. I hoped, anyway.

Four gave me a measured stare. "Just seems like we would be better off by selecting one of ourselves."

"No leaders," Max said, shaking his head. "She said leaders are exempt. Anyway, I'm not asking either of you for your opinions. I'm letting you know to make sure you have your shit together when she comes back. All right?"

Four and I both nodded.

Max waved a hand. "Get back to work."

I turned for the door, then heard Four say, "Actually, Max, I'd like a word with you." I turned around and regarded them both with a mixture of surprise and suspicion.

"Alone," Four added pointedly. I turned the handle and walked out, but waited across the hall, leaning against the wall. I intended to find out what they were talking about, my business or not be damned.

It was almost ten minutes before Four walked out, with Max behind him. Max was shaking his head. He looked at Four.

"You're absolutely sure about this? You're _sure?_"

Four nodded. "Yes. I'm sure."

Max sighed. "All right," he said in a resigned way. "It's your choice." He walked off down the other hall.

"Fuck was that all about?" I demanded.

Four lifted an eyebrow at me. "Not everything is your business, you know."

"I don't give a shit," I replied, pacing him as he went down the hall. "So. What?"

Four sighed, then stopped, facing me. "I told Max I don't want to be a leader anymore."

I couldn't believe my ears. "You _what?_"

Four shrugged. "I'm not cut out for leadership. I don't want it. I just want to be in charge of training from now on. That's it. I want to groom soldiers, not lead them."

"Are you shitting me?" I demanded. "Four – you're…_good_ at your job." I almost choked on the words, but they were true. "Why would you give that up? Besides, you haven't even been in the position that long."

"I never really wanted to be a leader," he said. "I just sort of got put there. And to be honest, Eric, I'm not interested in wasting time on a witch hunt. This divergent shit is stupid. And I don't want to be a part of it." He shrugged, and boldly looked me in the eye. "You got a problem with it?"

I made a face at the tough-guy note in his voice. "No. Other than I think you're a fucking idiot for throwing this opportunity away."

He shrugged. "Then I'll be a fucking idiot." He turned to walk off, then looked at me. "I'm not in a position of leadership anymore, so technically I have to do what you say. But respect the fact that these are my initiates, and I want them trained a certain way. When we're training, I'm in charge. Can you respect that?"

I looked at him coolly. "Whatever you say, man."

He nodded once and then walked off.

I frowned after him. I'd never heard of such a thing before – who in their right mind would take a demotion? Choose training over _leadership_? It sounded off to me, but he'd said he didn't want to be involved in the divergent witch hunt. I wondered why that was, exactly.

I couldn't blame him though. I damn sure didn't, either.

* * *

><p>Jimmy's fears, according to his simulation, were spiders, heights, guns, being hit in the face, getting sniped, drowning, fire, confined spaces, snakes, wasps, cobwebs, and rats.<p>

I frowned at the monitor, watching him struggle through a simulation that had placed him in a room full of spiders. It even kind of creeped me out, and spiders were not one of my fears. They covered the walls and ranged in size from tiny, freshly hatched spiders to giant tarantula-size ones. They covered the surfaces of the room, and they covered him.

I'd never heard a boy shriek so loudly in my life – it was giving me a massive headache. I couldn't say anything to him, though. He had to move on to the next sim. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger and waited, hoping he would remember his training – if he slowed down his breathing, his heart rate would calm, and the program would take him into the next scenario.

After an agonizing, and not to mention shameful, twelve minutes, he finally did, and he was promptly deposited into a room of wasps. The simulation created a huge horde of them, buzzing around his entire body. I watched Jimmy in the chair and what he was going through on the monitor. On the monitor, I could see it as he was experiencing it. In real life, there was absolutely nothing on him or around him but he flailed wildly, his arms and legs thrashing.

The realism of the program was truly fascinating. I knew that Jimmy would be experiencing what real wasp stings felt like, even what wasp venom felt like coursing through his body. I watched him as he continued to scream and flail. A small part of me felt bad for him, but a greater part of me was annoyed. He was completely ignoring his training that would allow him to make it through the sim. And if he somehow managed to become Dauntless, that would be a _huge_ problem.

Finally, I did something completely unprecedented – I stopped the simulation. The wasps on the monitor immediately disappeared and Jimmy was left gasping and sobbing in his chair. I stalked over to his chair, yanked him up by the shirt, and smacked him across the face to get him to calm down. I would have preferred to punch him, but I was afraid I'd knock a tooth loose. Besides, only real men deserved to be punched. Sobbing, slobbering pussies like this deserved to be slapped.

"Wake the fuck up," I barked at him, and the slap worked, because his eyes popped open, startled, and he stared at me. I leaned down and got in his face.

"Why do you want to be Dauntless?"

"What?"

I bared my teeth at him and he visibly cowed. "_Why _the _fuck_ do you want to be Dauntless?"

"I – I –"

"Did you think it would make you look cool? That you'd get all the girls?"

"I –"

"Dauntless is no place for cowards!" I shouted, bringing my fist down on the arm of his chair hard enough to make it shudder. "If you can't handle a few bugs, how the _fuck_ are you going to deal with people trying to shoot you? People trying to fight you, trying to kill you?"

"I –"

"This was the most pathetic fucking simulation I've ever seen in my life!" I snarled. "Listen, kid, you better get your fucking shit together and _soon_ or you're going find yourself out on your ass with the rest of the factionless, you understand what the fuck I'm saying?"

"Yes," he whimpered.

"Don't talk to me like you're fucking scared!" I shouted, slamming my fist down on the chair again. "Stand up, on your fucking feet, and talk to me like you're not a coward, like you're a fucking man!"

I reached out and grabbed the front of his T-shirt again, hauling him to his feet. "Do you want to be here?"

"Yes," he practically whispered.

I almost punched him for real. Instead I grabbed him by the throat, not hard enough to really hurt him but certainly hard enough to get his attention. "Did you hear what the fuck I said? _Do you want to be here or not?"_

He huffed out a breath then screamed, "_Yes!_"

I released his neck and then covered his face with my hand, shoving him back into his chair. "Then prove it and stop fucking crying. You better go through these goddamn sims on your own time and practice. The next time we do this, if you scream or cry, I swear to God, I will tie you up by your fucking ankles over the chasm and let you hang there all night long. Then you can experience what _real _fear feels like." I shook my head in disgust and motioned over my shoulder. "We're done. Get the fuck out of here."

I'd never seen Jimmy move faster in eight weeks of training than he did getting the fuck out of that seat and the room. I shook my head again.

Four would probably not approve of my methods, but he wasn't here. Not only that, but while Four could be hard on the initiates – I'd seen it with my own two eyes – he wasn't hard enough. Jimmy needed someone to scare the shit out of him and light a fire under his ass. No one was pushing him hard enough to succeed, it was obvious. But hopefully now I had.

I was putting away the simulation equipment when I heard a soft voice behind me. "Hey, you."

I turned around quickly, a half-smile already on my face, and there she was. There was nothing like the sight of Jayce that could calm me down. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "I was just walking around, and I heard yelling coming from this room." She lifted an eyebrow at me. "I'm pretty sure Jimmy is traumatized now."

I shrugged, instantly annoyed. "He should be. He just gave the most pathetic simulation performance I've ever seen."

Jayce strolled over to me, her fingers trailing over the equipment as she turned to sit down in the chair. "As I recall, I kicked ass in simulations."

She settled herself into the chair and dropped her hands placidly on the arm rests, smiling at me. I couldn't help myself and walked over to her, resting my hands on top of hers and leaning over her. The chair moved back with me. "Is that right?" I said against her lips before moving down to her throat.

"Mm," she hummed softly, and I felt her throat vibrate against my lips. "Yes. That is right. I had six fears and got through them all in nine minutes."

I lifted my head. "Six fears? Nine minutes?"

She smiled and reached up to touch my face. "Yep."

Suddenly it made me think of something, and Jayce's expression immediately went from playful to concerned. She sat up in the chair, pushing against me. "What is it?"

I shook my head slowly. "I just – I remember hearing about some initiate in a class before mine," I said. "He was decent in phase one of training, but he was amazing in phase two – the sims. He was fast – like you. Had minimal fears, like you."

"What –" Jayce began, swallowing. "Where is he? What happened to him?"

I took a deep breath. "Right before initiation, they found his body at the bottom of the chasm."

Jayce's jaw dropped. "He killed himself?"

I shrugged, trying to remember. "That's what they said. But I also heard he was dating some initiate, that he was a happy guy. No obvious reason to kill himself."

She was silent for a moment. "Do you think I was good at the sims because I'm divergent?"

I thought about it. A divergent would probably recognize pretty quickly while in a sim that it was just that – a simulation. Therefore, once they realized that the landscape wasn't real, they'd be able to manipulate it to their will, allowing them to get past each fear very quickly. "It's quite possible."

"So how come I wasn't thrown to the bottom of the chasm?"

I glanced at her sharply. "You think he was murdered?"

"Don't you?"

I shrugged. "I don't really know what I think," I muttered. "If that's true, though, and you excelled at simulations, I can't tell you why they didn't notice. Maybe you just slipped through."

"Maybe that's why Jeanine wants me to do the test," Jayce whispered. "She couldn't catch me before, but now she can. Right?" Her face was pale. "She knows how it will work on a Dauntless. She wants to test it on a divergent. She wants to trap me, like a fucking rat."

I clenched my jaw and cupped her face between my hands. "Don't think that way. I'm – we're going to find a way to deal with this. I'm going to see if I can find out any more from my friend about what it is, how it's used. And…" I paused, glancing around. "You and I will come back here tonight. We'll practice a fear sim together, and I'll remind you of how a Dauntless does things. It's going to be okay."

"Okay," Jayce whispered, her eyes wide with fear.

I smoothed a hand over her hair. "Say it like you mean it."

She cleared her throat, and her gray eyes turned steely. "Okay." Her voice was firm.

I smiled. Jimmy could take a lesson from her. I leaned in, resting my forehead against hers. "That's my girl."


End file.
